That's what I'm trying to do. I have my moments of white-hot pain, and my moments of confidently striding in my own direction for my own reasons, as I would probably expect from myself in something traumatic like this. I'm fortunate to have some good friends I am close to who are there for me in various ways, not least of which is Smash. I know what comes next, and I know where I am going next (we might even get some chances to hang out, because upstate NY is where I am going to land, guaranteed). I have found that the stability of our household, unbeknownst to me at the time, was a big art of my emotional strength and stability, and I have not had an easy time of it internall, even with friends and caring folk around me in a number of different ways. Disppointing to find I was maybe not quite as far along in my emotional development to be rid of the anxieties and worry I've been feeling for the past few weeks. But it is what it is, you know? Can't wish it into something else...
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