Most of the time, I live my life pretty simple.  I wake up, get ready, go to work, come home from work, go to bed, and repeat.  There are adulting matters shoved in there with occasional recreational activities, but that is essentially my life.  When I put it into words, it almost sounds depressing.  Live day to day, looking forward to the next ( Read more... )

  It's odd how we spend so much time feeling that we're different than everyone else.  That our thoughts are unique to us and that no one would understand.  We feel that if someone did claim to understand our thoughts, they would be feigning understanding with silent judgements.  Proceed to second guess decision to share and opt to keep thoughts to ( Read more... )

What you want is what's right. What you do is right. If someone does differently, it's wrong... And after a day of dealing with this odd superiority (or insecurity) complex of yours, I find that even when you give me the rare option to do what I want sexually, I don't want to because it feels like I'm just continuing in the let-Austin-have-his- ( Read more... )

Something is going to break.  Something needs to happen...soon.  I don't know what, but it HAS to.  I can't continue on this way.  I won't make it.  As strong willed and collected as I am, I am crumbling.  Everything that I held to has come apart.  I can't stop going in circles in my mind.  I can't stop doubting that I'm making a good decision in ( Read more... )

I start to find hope and see a positive future for us...that i can move on.  Then the sense of repeated deliberate betrayal with no regard for me or my existence creeps back into my thoughts.  You did it so many times because it meant nothing to you and you felt as long as i didn't know, it was fine.  And then even when i did know, you felt that if ( Read more... )

I don't want to feel anymore.  I can't take any more.  I've pushed past comfort.  I've pushed past endurance.  I'm tired of hurting.  I'm tired of trying.  I'm tired of being confused.  I don't have the strength to end it.  There are brighter days in the future, but i want to die.

You better honor your promises you made to me.  So far, you've only made excuses why you couldn't.  My patience has a limit.  You shouldn't be testing me on this, especially with what you did..

Writing my last entry seemed therapeutic to some degree.  Perhaps it helped me voice the thoughts rattling in my head so they would lessen for a while.  How long that will be is anyones guess.  I realized last night that I was behaving less distraught, but something else troubled me.  Apparently I am becoming a little emotionally detached.  Instead ( Read more... )

I keep trying to control the path my mind takes. I keep trying to reason through everything. Things I never would have imagined to be triggers take me by surprise and send a debilitating ache through my body. A song comes on in my playlist that either mentions sex or has a sad tone to it and I'm cringing and scrambling to change songs. I see a camp ( Read more... )

Last nigh I worked 3pm to 11pm. I've been trying to stay awake all night since I work the overnight tonight. Held strong until 5:40pm. Needed to take a nap. Woke up about 8am. It's odd how you find yourself basing your days around getting ready for work or being properly rested to go to work. Days off often feel like a form of recovery from ( Read more... )