I love Simon so much! I do! Every look he gives me seems to be a 'can't wait to get you alone' look...he's so handsome and I love his accent! I'm willing to forget our bad past and I know he is too! I think I'll see him tonight! I can't wait!

It was so strange, I don't remember most of Saturday..and Sunday morning is most certainly a blur. Randy and I went out for a few drinks...and he's so sweet for only calling my tipsy. I was dead-on drunk off my ass. I quit drinking during the day and nights...and back to my sometimes-weekend-liver-killing adventure. It's fun every once in a ( Read more... )

I don't know how to feel anymore. Simon has been acting so strangely, he's giddy and nice and it's kind of scary. Scary and sad. I know Nikki, she's wonderful. He just seems so happy. I know that I never made him that happy. I never could, because I'm not her. She seems to be everything he needs ( Read more... )

Insecurity is my biggest fault.

I feel I am never good enough, talented enough, smart enough to achieve the goals I have set in life.

I didn't get drunk the other night, but I did do a lot of thinking.

I love aj_gil and it will hurt me for the rest of my life to know I caused him so much heartache in his life ( Read more... )

I love Simon, but I loved AJ. AJ dumped me when I said I had doubts... dropped me like that without even a second look. Simon won't talk to me or look at me. What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person witha fabulous career and great friends. Why can't I find a man to share my life with?!

The only friend I have these days is Jack. Jack

Back on the American Idol thing, currently, I'm in Detroit for the auditions. The kids are great and full of spirit but Simon is just so mean to them. I hate when he does that cause I know when it's me and him alone he is a kind gentle loving person. I wish everyone could see that side of Simon ( Read more... )

I love you Ryan


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Late last night, I signed my contract for American Idol 2! So, everyone will be glad to know America's favorite judge is returning! Randy Randy Randy is back back back as is Simon. Oh brother. I've got a new team of comedy writers working on comebacks right now ( Read more... )

Every time I get happy, I get scared because I know it won't last. It happened with Simon, Emilio, and even the fashion designer I married whose name I refuse to mention. Every time. I should learn my lesson, but I don't. I thought my latest relationship was goign to be the one to last. AJ was so kind, so tender, so gentle.. such a gentleman and ( Read more... )

Today, AJ left and a piece of my soul is gone forever.. or at least until he comes back. It was our last weekend together and he made it so special. Friday we had a candlelight dinner that he made himself. Nikki let Tristan be the waiter and he was so cute and did a great job. Of course, we had ice cream sandwiches for dessert, that Tristan bought ( Read more... )