Scared

[pachookie]

So I just got back in town and I'm actually scared to turn on my phone. I can't even believe I'm putting this in writing... I'm ashamed of myself to admit this. I am scared to turn on my phone to hear that there are no voicemail messages from him. I am so sick of myself... and this fucking relationship... it's not even really a relationship

Comments

[viccygrl420]

Hey Stranger. I have to tell you that there are many many many many many many times that I have felt the exact same way that you are feeling. I feel like I wait at the phone like a love struck school girl..and then not having those feelings validated, when I truly thought that they would have been reciprocated. I hope that things are getting better...is he just ignorning you, or is there someone else, or is he feeling guilty? R and I have gone through this stuff...any time he's ignorning me, I know that there's most likely someone else that he is interested in, but when he realizes that person is not what he's looking for and I am, then we're right back where we started...my personal favorite is when he and his wife are fighting and they come to me to vent and then she finds out that he's totally nice to me and an ass to her...then again, I feel bad and wouldn't want to be in her shoes...I'm sorry, this entry is about you, not me..I hope things get better! And as you can see, by entries made before, you aren't the only one who

[pachookie]

Thanks so much for replying. I totally understand what you are saying... it's just getting it to sink in thats the problem. I think he's got another girlfriend. He's talked about her a little bit off and on and insists they are just friends. But I try not to question him about it because I have no right to. I sit here whining about it when I really don't have any right to do that either...**sigh**

Again, thanks for replying. Talk to you soon.

[valium_lover]

Been there, done that, just did that. It sucks. He sounds like a real asshole to be honest and that's me trying to totally unbiased. Fuck it. What can I say? Nothing. I mean I know how it feels and not a damn thing anyone says is going to make you feel better about. Maybe temporarily. As a guy, I can say if he's not fucking this other girl he's trying to. I've probably upset you and made you feel worse. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to call it like it is. Easy to do from the sideline though. I hope you turn that phone on. I'd call and fill your mailbox up. People would call and get "We're sorry. Mailbox for (pause, then your voice) 'Elizabeth' is full. Thank you. Click."

I'll try to contact you on msn.
Jason

[pachookie]

There is plenty you can say, and thanks for saying what you've said... (kinda sounds like Dr. Seuss) It does help to hear someone say something nice. The mailbox comment was very sweet and put a huge smile on my face, so thank you.

I know that guys want to fuck other girls. Hell, I want to fuck other guys. It's just that I think everyone wants to feel like they are the number one person in the life of the person they love. And I can't believe I just wrote that... I just want to stop feeling like shit over him. Here's the problem: I adore him; he knows it. Period. I try to act so cool (as in "hey, no problem") around him but inside I'm screaming "WHY IN THE FUCK DO I LOVE YOU?" I sound like a complete raving lunatic. Sorry.