I am about as lonely as... well... the rest of the lonely people out there. No more, no less. I was thinking back today about how my life has changed since I met him. Some good. Some bad. Mostly good. Mostly painful. A lot of experiences that I never even THOUGHT of before. Yes, people, tounging a lovely ass IS that good. I never thought I ( Read more... )

If anyone out there knows how to deal with addiction and live at the same time, please let me know. Every time I make up my mind that "this is it" or "I am not going to put myself in these situations anymore" or "who cares if the guy knows how to kiss...this is over" Mr. Self-Destruct knows says or does something to get me to change my mind. I so ( Read more... )

Can't stop thinking about Mr. Self Destruct. He's got everything wrapped up in a nice little package. I adore him. He touches me the right way and I go crazy, he touches me the wrong way and I go crazy. I guess torture is the word of the day. The last time we were together I felt like I was 15 again. And not that 15 is so great, it isn't, but ( Read more... )

We made plans to hook up on Thursday somewhere in "the big city". He said he had a meeting. We were talking about work and other small talk when he said "My boss just showed up". Now I really wanted to believe him (isn't it easier if you do?) but he just sounded a little strange. He said he'd be a few minutes, 20 tops. An hour passes, then 90 ( Read more... )

Tequila and Klonopin. Fabulous concoction if I do say so myself. Should one blog when one is seriously fucking blogged up? Probably not. Not one coherent thing shall pour from my slumped body typing, backspacing, then re-typing my words. Maybe just one more Klonopin will help things along ( Read more... )

Janis Joplin got it right. How much is too much to offer? A piece at a time doesn't seem so bad, does it? I want to show you baby that a woman can be tough so baby just come on, come on, come on and take it. I realize that I'm taking a little trip into good-god-even-a-hermit-knows-its-obvious territory, but seriously, when is a piece more than ( Read more... )

So I thought I was all through with this. But, alas, it was not meant to be. A year older and none the wiser it would seem. Still the same mother fuckers at work. Gotta love 'em. More "Yes, I'd love to" and "No, that shouldn't be a problem" and "Yes, I'd love to re-write that for the eighteenth fucking time". What is wrong with bosses, people ( Read more... )

Why would I love someone so completely? So thoroughly and completely? We watched a movie. That's it. I was like a school girl, all giggly and touching his arm or knee. I kept staring at him, his silhouette lighted by the screen. He really is quite beautiful. The angular jaw line. The cheek bones. And those fucking dimples. I've got a ( Read more... )

I really think I've got to dip into the xanax reserves.... and they are pretty low. Why can't I just be over him? Just talking to him today almost brings me to my knees. How ridiculous is that? He summons, I obey. I feel like this little submissive puppy willing to do whatever he wants, when he wants regardless of the consequences. Oh, and ( Read more... )

So I just got back in town and I'm actually scared to turn on my phone. I can't even believe I'm putting this in writing... I'm ashamed of myself to admit this. I am scared to turn on my phone to hear that there are no voicemail messages from him. I am so sick of myself... and this fucking relationship... it's not even really a relationship ( Read more... )