I am fighting these urges to call him minute by minute. God, I think this must be what detox feels like. I can't even make it a fucking hour without thinking of him. It is so cliche but I think I love him.

So I just continue to put myself in these situations. Why can't I just learn that being around him just hurts more and more each time? Shouldn't I feel good to be with him? I mean fuck!!! He's all I think about. When I'm not with him I'm thinking about being with him. I am torn between wanting to make him happy and wanting to tell him to fuck ( Read more... )

You know that feeling when you are about to drop from the highest point on a roller coaster ride? That feeling in the pit of your stomach? I've got it right now. I KNOW the drop is on its way, but I don't care... I'm along for the ride. Yes, it is very destructive. Yes, I know it won't last. So I'll take some advice from a nice reader out ( Read more... )

Apparently this is how he ends a relationship... although I really have no idea. It used to be non-stop phone calls and long rides. God, we would talk for hours. Honestly talking. Life stories, painful stories. I have bared my soul to him... funny, I never knew what that meant before. I really thought he did the same. I remember when he said ( Read more... )

I can't fucking believe he said I am like HER!! FUCK!!! I am NOTHING like her. Why would he say that? To be hurtful? To piss me off? To prove that he is in control? Why do I do this every time? He has his life, I have mine.... why do I think we could have a life together? ANY life. I'm not talking marriage here, just some semblance of a ( Read more... )

Good gawd. What the fuck am I doing in this life? This is not what I planned. Not even fucking close. I am fully aware of how entirely unimportant my words are here. I wish I had that talent that *he* has. I could listen to him talk for hours and hours on end. Then I'd like to fuck. Then listen to him some more. Why can't it just be that ( Read more... )

Yeah, that's right... fuck off. Fuck off at work. Fuck off at home. Fuck off on the freeway. Fuck off neighbors. Fuck off woman in the check out line with too many kids. Fuck off pregnant twenty something with that dumb ass next to you. Fuck off credit card offer promising zero percent interest. Fuck off cable company for calling with your ( Read more... )

I have been so horny all day. I think it's because he's out of town. But this is only the first day of 6 l-o-n-g days. Why do I obsess like this? Wish I had a way to stop it. Getting off is not helping. It's making things worse. Maybe this "writing" will help. This is a very cool site, especially the vintage sex stuff. Never thought I'd ( Read more... )