I love you Fox... I miss you...

It's been 72 hours since you've left us... To the minute... & I don't know what to do with my life anymore.... You were my everything... You're still my everything... My best friend... My big brother....

This is all so futile... Life... Love... Hope... Despair... Depression... Futile.

Teach me to fly again....

I spoke to Brette for a little while today/yesterday... 15 minutes or so, really... She was still sad, so was I . Her phone died, she was supposed to call me back, but she didn't. I feel really isolated & scared. I can't eat anything without it coming back up or me sitting there & staring at it & winding up just feeding it to any one of my 6 ( Read more... )

or so it seems like time has just stopped moving since I lost him. I sit here & find myself just staring at things or studying things to the extreme trying to find the details that I know he'd remember. The color of things... Their texture... Their defining flaws ( Read more... )

48 hours & I'm completely lost. The compassionate hugs & loving responses from yesterday are gone & people are already forgetting about him. People are already starting to leave me again as if I'd be just fine when they decided to show me that they really didn't care ( Read more... )

Brette... I need to talk to you. I'm coming undone at the seems & you've been my best friend for so many years... I don't know how to begin or where to get started with any of this. It's like I start out on one pathg & then I'm thrown back towards another & now I'm ruined. I'm so confused & you're the only person who can help me with the answers I ( Read more... )

It's been just shy of 24 hours since Fox passed away... 5 hours from now will have been the last time he drew a breath... I'm broken. I spent a lot of time crying today, a lot of time laying there staring at the walls, the windows, the ceiling... I spent hours searching for him on the beach thinking this was all some sick joke & he'd be there. I ( Read more... )

He's gone..... Fox passed away about an hour ago... & I'm numb.... I don't kow where to begin or who to call or who to look for because I have no one left to call or to look for. I'm bitter, & I'm cold, & I'm rotten, & I've destroyed my own life by continuing to be such a bitch.... & now the one person who really cared - the one person who stayed ( Read more... )

Seany boy has joined LJ so we can stalk him & observe his strange behaviors. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This makes mesa vedy vedy happy. Now I am surrounded by some very fucking strange people indeed!

I talked to Kelda tonight for about an hour on the phone. She was giggling at my apathy while I was channel surfing & finally decided to watch Free ( Read more... )

... & countries ( Read more... )

your days are NUMBERED

& that's not a threat.

it's common knowledge.

people like you magically just contract diseases, get his by busses, choke on pretzels.....

:)