Its been more than a year since I've posted in livejournal. I don't know who really reads it anymore. I feel like livejournal is a dumb egocentric function to talk about yourself and things that are mainly just in your own head. Or at least thats how I've always treated it. So here I am, feeling shitty and ready to write in live journal again ( Read more... )

Its funny. I look at what I wrote in October, the first time Ted and I broke up. And I still feel that way. We got back together probably 2 days after I wrote that first entry. We stayed together for the next two months then broke up on my birthday/his birthday. Its been a month or so since then and I'm not sure how much better I am at this ( Read more... )

I start to feel better during the day. I love my friends. I realize there's nothing I can do about the situation. Then I go to bed. And I wake up feeling terrible. I start coming round to consciousness realizing that I've lost Ted. And yeah, there will probably be other relationships, and I might even be treated better, but Ted is an amazing person ( Read more... )

I wonder how long it'll take me to privatize this entry. I feel really lost right now. And I know everything will be fine but it hurts so much to feel like someone is abandoning you, that you're not important enough, or that you're not being chosen. Its also just reforming your habits. You spend a year with someone, you're going to miss their ( Read more... )

Ted and I are on a break most likely to break up. I feel so miserable and lost and I don't know what to do with myself. I just don't want to feel or think anymore. I wish I didn't care.

Dear Sanity,
Where have you gone?
Love,
Jessie

The days have been beautiful and perfect this last week yet I cannot seem to find energy or motivation. I work too much, I play too little. I am not accomplishing the things I need to accomplish. No foods seem desirable, no actions seem interesting, sleeping and reading is a cop out. I should be enjoying the beautiful weather. I blame it on the new ( Read more... )

I haven't written in here in a while. I'm still working at the museum. I've been getting a few more hours which is nice. I've also been working at filmmakers a lot. It usually ends up that I don't have one full day off though which sucks. I just spent the 4th at Josh, Heather, and Jonah's house where we watched lots of movies, ate food, and drank ( Read more... )

I think the best way to go on a diet is to look at pictures. You can buy a magazine like vogue, go online, or even just hang out with your skinny friends. So then when I reach for the jar of nutella in my cupboard. I say, no, you want one helping of nutella or to look damn good this summer? Except thats not what I did yesterday afternoon. I went ( Read more... )

I wish I could be a more relaxed person, a more secure person. I wish I was more stable. I am just so self sabotaging. The majority of so called problems in my life are caused by me. I wouldn't have trouble with school if I remotely applied myself. My apartment wouldn't be messy if I bothered to clean it or just put things away as I go along. But ( Read more... )