Revelations 2/2 (RPS fic)
Title: Revelations (2/2)
Fandom(s): SN/RPS
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki (J2)
Other Characters: Rachel Talalay; Mentions of Sandy McCoy
Genres: Angst, First Time
Warnings: Graphic M/M Sex, Swearing
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 8,659 for entire fic (posted in two parts due to size).
Disclaimer: I own nothing; Jared and Jensen own themselves. Doesn't reflect anyone's true sexual orientation. Purely for entertainment purposes; no money is being made.
A/N: Thank you to engel82 for both the original prompt and the beta! Will be cross-posted!
Summary: While filming "Hunted," Jared has a secret of his own to tell...
Part 1...
“You’re straight!” Jared exclaimed dumfounded, the pain creeping into his voice a little. Of all the possibilities, Jensen teasing him, making a joke out of the situation wasn’t one he had expected to run into.
“It is me, isn’t it?” was Jensen’s response. His voice sounded uncertain, stuck somewhere between victory and fear.
“It’s not funny, Jensen!” Jared snapped.
“You kissed me back,” again Jensen had a note of awe in his voice. He didn’t seem to be listening to what Jared was saying.
“What?” Jared asked confused, his mind quickly drifting to worst-case scenarios he hadn’t even begun to entertain, flashbacks of high school rejection and other unpleasant memories bubbling to the surface.
“You kissed me back, I know you did, so if it’s not me, then you must at least feel something for me,” Jensen said in a rush.
“What. the. hell?” Jared repeated, anger and indignation rising with the bile in his stomach, choking him. He had never expected Jensen to be an ass about it. Freaked out, offended, uncomfortable with Jared touching him, once he kenw how Jared felt, yeah, but not homophobic, laugh-at-the-big-queer kind of behavior. That shocked him. Jensen had always been so open minded and accepting, Jared had thought he’d handle the news better, but whatever. Maybe Jensen rejecting him like this would be easier in the long run, as long as Jensen wasn’t a total dick during filming. “Yeah Jensen, it’s you. You’re the guy I have feelings for, you’re the person I’m in love with, OK?” Jared spat out in disgust. “Are you happy? I’m sorry, I didn’t want fall for you, I know that you’re straight. I’m not trying to force myself on you, and I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me. I didn’t want to tell you, because I valued our friendship,” Jared swallowed hard, mostly numb or not, using the past tense to talk about their friendship still hurt. “But it’s not a big joke; I don’t find it funny. If you want to laugh about it on your own time, I can’t stop you, but if you had any respect for me as a friend and co-worker, I’d appreciate it if you could just not throw it back in my face.”
Jensen sat there stunned, looking hurt and confused. As angry as Jared was, he still felt like crap for bringing those emotions to Jensen’s face, after all, they had been best friends for a year and a half… it wasn’t exactly easy to override that kind of protective bond.
“No, Jared,” Jensen finally got out. “I’m happy, relieved... I’m glad it’s me. I, I was so worried… you’ve hardy touched me in the last month, you’ve been so cold and distant and avoiding me, and I was worried that I’d done something to piss you off. And when you said you’d broken up with Sandy, I was worried that I was the reason-that you’d been getting too close to me and she was jealous or something. And then you said there was someone else… and I was afraid that maybe they didn’t want you being so close to me.” Jensen stopped talking.
Jared just sat there looking even more confused.
“Jay, I’m happy. I want this.”
“But you’re straight,” Jared blurted out again. “Look, if you still want to be my friend, and you’re not just making fun of me for falling for you, that’s great,” Jared continued, allowing himself some hope for the first time that evening. Maybe there was some hope for his friendship after all. Yeah, they’d have to do a little negotiating, because even if Jensen was still OK with Jared hugging and patting and pretty much constantly violating his personal space, Jared still had to contend with the desire to just throw Jensen against the wall and fuck him senseless every time he got too close. But if Jensen was willing, Jared was hopeful enough to entertain the possibility that they could work something out. “But you don’t have to play at being my boyfriend just to…”
Jared was cut off by Jensen taking his hand and firmly placing it over Jensen’s crotch. Jared started to jerk away, but then the feel of Jensen’s erection registered in Jared’s brain and he just froze, his mouth open, eyes wide, hand clamped over the fly of Jensen’s jeans with Jensen’s hand on top, holding him there.
“Jared,” Jensen began again, a mix of humor and frustration now evident. “I’m not playing at anything, I’m not mocking you, and I certainly don’t want you to go away.”
“But you’re str-“
“Maybe I’m not as straight as I thought I was,” Jensen admitted, his hazel-green eyes boring deep into Jared’s darker hazel-brown ones. Jensen looked scared, naked, exposed-very similar to how Jared felt.
“How? When? Huh?” Jared stammered his brain still trailing behind. He realized that his hand was still practically squeezing Jensen’s erection, so he started to pull it away. Jensen let him remove it from his lap, but he held onto Jared’s hand, squeezing it lightly as he caressed the back of Jared’s neck with his other hand.
“Umm, probably from the first time I met you,” Jensen admitted sheepishly. “But I didn’t know it then. I didn’t really understand how I felt about you. Not, not until I realized that I actually liked you touching me, in my personal space, throwing yourself all over me-I mean normally that freaks me out. I, I need space, but with you… it always felt OK, and then it felt really good.” Jensen broke eye contact, hanging his head a little. “I’ve never really felt like this about anyone before, and I’ve really only ever had any feelings for one, maybe two other guys, and never acted on them-hell, I wasn’t even really sure what they meant until I met you.”
“Why…” Jared struggled to find his voice, noticing his hands were shaking. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” He managed to squeak out.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Jensen answered. Jared started to answer, but Jensen stopped him with a chuckle. “It’s a rhetorical question, Jay. Just take the same reason you didn’t say anything, and think about how I felt not even realizing I could feel like this for another man. You were with Sandy, and she’s a really great person. I wasn’t about to hurt her or cause problems for you just because I started falling for my best friend. I didn’t even know how you felt about me. Yeah, you’re Mr. Grabby Hands, but you’re kind of touchy feely with everyone. I didn’t know if you were just ordinary touchy with me, or best friend touchy, or if it meant something more.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“The thought of losing you,” Jensen answered solemnly. “A month ago at that party, I thought I felt…”
Jared nodded, “You did.”
“And then you pulled away. You wouldn’t hug me or sit too close, you were hardly spending time with me, and then you even started avoiding me on-set.”
“I did?”
“Yeah, you did. I think I get now, what was going through your head, but at the time, it felt like, I got this little hint that maybe what I wanted more than anything, but couldn’t even talk about with anyone was true, and then the next thing I knew you were shutting me out, and I wasn’t even sure if we were friends anymore…”
“Oh god; I’m sorry,” Jared sobbed, reflexively pulling Jensen towards him, not even realizing that he was doing it until Jensen was firmly in his arms, their bodies pulled close together. “I’m so, so sorry,” Jared murmured into Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen turned his head and nuzzled it against Jared’s neck, stroking his hand gently up and down Jared’s back.
“It’s OK, it’s all OK,” Jensen whispered in Jared’s ear. Then he brushed back Jared’s hair and pressed his lips gently to the side of Jared’s neck, kissing lightly, then moving up slightly to suck gently on Jared’s earlobe.
“Wait, wait,” Jared said, puling back slightly again.
When he caught Jensen’s eye, that fear and glint of hurt was back. Jared wanted nothing more than to kiss it out of Jensen’s soul, but first he had to be sure. “You really want this?”
“Yes!” Jensen nodded, exasperated.
“You want to date me, be my boyfriend, have a relationship…”
Jensen leaned in and kissed him again, this time just a wet smack on Jared’s lips before sucking gently on Jared’s lower lip, nibbling it slightly before pulling back and looking steadfastly into Jared’s eyes. “I am in love with you Jared. I want to take this wherever it goes. I hope we’ll be happy, I know there are no guarantees, and yeah, I’m a little scared, ‘cause I’ve never actually done this with a guy before, but yes, I want this.”
That was all the reassurance Jared needed before he was attacking Jensen, tugging at his shirt, popping open the buttons and frantically stroking and caressing Jensen’s skin underneath. It was so smooth and warm underneath his hands, Jared could feel Jensen’s muscles tensing and relaxing and responding to Jared’s touch. As he slipped the shirt off of Jensen’s shoulders, he lapped gently at Jensen’s mouth. Nibbling and biting at his lips, sucking on Jensen’s tongue, kissing deeper and deeper until they were both panting, and Jared realized his hands had moved instinctively to Jensen’s belt and already had it unbuckled. “Are you, is this?” Jared panted into the kiss, unsure of how far Jensen wanted to take things.
Jensen’s response was moving Jared’s hand and assisting him in unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. Then Jensen reached up and started tugging at Jared’s shirt yanking it over Jared’s head. When that was removed, Jensen was unbuckling Jared’s belt and reaching inside his pants. Only, Jensen didn’t stop when he got Jared’s fly unzipped, he kept on reaching, pulling the waistband of Jared’s boxers down, and coaxing out Jared’s now-very-erect and leaking cock. Slightly hesitant at first, Jensen began stroking. “Is this ok?”
“Yeah,” Jared let out a chuckle, looking down at Jensen’s hand, stroking him. Somewhere in the back of his mind Jared’s voice was screaming in shock that he was actually getting a hand job from Jensen, but the sensation was too much for that to even register. Jensen’s fingers were calloused in places, but largely smooth, smaller than Jared’s but agile, dexterous, and pulling and stroking at Jared in all the right ways. Jensen swirled his fingers lightly over the head of Jared’s dick and Jared gasped. “Oh god, that’s way better than OK.”
Jensen gave him a smile then glanced down at his own crotch where Jared realized he’d left his hands frozen, unmoving, just hovering outside of Jensen’s boxer-briefs. Blushing, Jared reacted by taking both hands and tugging Jensen’s pants and shorts down-difficult since Jensen was presently partly underneath Jared and pressed up against the arm of the couch, but Jensen assisted, and within moments, Jensen was spread out for Jared, naked cock and balls in all their long-desired glory out in the open for Jared to see. Jared began expertly stroking Jensen’s cock, twisting his wrist at the top of the stroke, eventually flicking his thumb over the crown. Jensen moaned and shifted in response, his own pace on Jared’s cock faltering, but not stopping, even when Jared reached down and caressed Jensen’s balls, rolling them gently in his palm, and reaching behind them, to rub at the very sensitive spot just behind them.
“More,” Jensen gasped. “Naked, you…”
Jared got the message and wiggled his hips to help Jensen force his pants and boxers down to past his knees. Jared spread his legs a little, straddling Jensen and moving closer, leaning down and pressing his naked torso to Jensen’s. He began to lap and suck at Jensen’s neck, nibbling with his teeth at the juncture between neck and shoulder, drawing moans and “oh god”s from Jensen’s lips. Jared kissed around to the other side of Jensen’s neck, then trailed his tongue down to Jensen’s nipples, first his left then his right, sucking and biting until Jensen was keening and writhing beneath him, then kissing back up, gently, lightly brushing Jensen’s skin all the way up his neck, over his Adam’s apple, under his chin, before devouring his mouth greedily. Jared moved his hand so that he grasped both their erections, nudging Jensen’s hand out of the way as he did so. Then Jared was jacking them both, stroking and swirling, as Jensen thrust his hips up to get more friction, wrapping his hands around Jared’s body, first squeezing and grabbing, then gently dragging his blunt nails up and down Jared’s back, causing him to moan loudly into the kiss.
After several minutes Jared was completely on edge; he slowed his hand and pulled back, looking down lovingly at Jensen, still trying to absorb the reality that he was actually having sex with Jensen, and it wasn’t a dream and there were no bizarre drugs, amnesia, alcohol, or alternate universes involved.
“What?” Jensen asked, amusedly, thrusting even harder with his hips, trying to buck up into Jared’s hand even with Jared’s weight on top of him.
“I was just wondering, how close you were,” Jared answered, “and how… far, you want to go?” He blushed, normally, Jared would never ask this on a “first date,” but then again, this was Jensen and they’d known each other for so long and so well, and what was happening was already so far into the realm of the impossible he figured what the hell.
“Are you asking me if I wanna?” Jensen replied, tilting his head to the side and giving Jared a meaningful glance.
“Uh huh,” Jared answered, “I’m a top,” he continued, “but I could bottom if you’re…”
“Jared,” Jensen said, all hint of nervousness gone from his voice, “I love you, and nothing would make me happier than for you to make love to me,” he leaned up and kissed Jared, just a light peck on the lips.
“Have you ever?”
“No, well, I’ve had a few girlfriends finger fuck me, and I really liked it, but uh, you’ll be my first.”
“Are you really sure you want this?” Jared asked again, he didn’t want to hurt Jensen physically or emotionally, and he definitely didn’t want a bad time experience to scare Jensen away. “We can wait… are you sure?”
“You keep asking me that,” Jensen murmured in amazement. “Yes, it’s OK. I trust you. I want you to pop my cherry,” he added with a giggle. Yep, it was an honest to god giggle.
“Ok, then,” Jared said with a maniacal grin, “would you care to follow me to the bedroom?”
“Lead the way,” Jensen instructed.
They rose awkwardly, holding onto each other and trying to shed their pants from around their ankles without tripping or falling. There were a few ill-advised moments where Jared tried to walk Jensen backwards towards the bedroom while kissing him and not really looking where they were going, which nearly sent them both tumbling to the ground when Jensen accidentally bumped into a sleeping, and then yelping, Harley, who quickly got out of the way, looking at his owner with much indignation. After apologizing profusely to the dog, Jared finally just took Jensen by the hand and led him hurriedly to the bedroom.
“Lie down on the bed,” Jared said, and Jensen complied, collapsing against the gigantic California King and crab-walking backwards towards the center so that he didn’t have to take his eyes off of Jared.
Jared blushed, but busied himself with retrieving condoms and lube from the mahogany nightstand next to the bed. He crawled up the covers and settled between Jensen’s spread legs, leaning over and kissing him chastely on the lips.
“Is this OK? This position, I mean,” Jensen asked.
“It might be easier on your hands and knees,” Jared said reluctantly.
“I want to see you,” Jensen replied.
“Then it’s fine,” Jared said with a relieved smile. He really wanted to look at Jensen too.
When they began kissing again, Jensen seemed to wrap himself around Jared, pulling him in, caressing with his hands everywhere, relishing in the newfound freedom to touch and explore, stroking a little at Jared’s cock and sac, reaching behind and rubbing at the sensitive spot, squeezing Jared’s ass, all while Jared kissed and licked and then bit Jensen’s nipples. Before long they were both on-edge again, and Jensen was literally begging for Jared to fuck him.
Leaning down for one more long, languorous kiss, Jared tangled and twisted his tongue around Jensen’s before simply tongue-fucking Jensen’s mouth as he stroked Jensen’s hair with one hand and flipped open the cap on the lube with the other. He managed to squirt some onto his fingers without taking his other hand out of Jensen’s unbelievably soft hair. Jared reached down between Jensen’s legs and back, running his fingers slowly around Jensen’s hole, caressing, slipping one finger slowly as Jensen gave out a small gasp. Jensen relaxed quickly, easing and giving way, allowing Jared to slip in another finger before stroking them in and out and in and out and curling the finger tips forward to rub against Jensen’s prostate, earning more gasps and moans.
“You really have been finger fucked before,” Jared realized as he slipped in a third finger, scissoring them gently, feeling Jensen adjust and relax around him.
Jensen nodded.
“You’re tight, but this is actually going to work,” Jared said.
Jensen chuckled a little before letting out another moan. “What, you thought I couldn’t take you?”
“No, I just, I don’t want to hurt you, don’t want… to scare you away.”
“Not going to happen,” Jensen said, clamping down on Jared’s fingers and pulling them deeper inside. Jared rubbed forward again, making Jensen moan and squirm on the bed beneath him. “Oh my god, so close, please Jared. Make love to me, please?” he added, staring deeply into Jared’s eyes, desire making his pupils wide and his eyelids heavy.
Jared reluctantly let go of Jensen’s hair and used that hand and his teeth to tear open the condom wrapper, rolling it on hastily. When he was sure that the condom was securely in place and rolled down over the significant length and girth of his shaft, he reached over for the lube and slicked himself up. Then he slipped his fingers from Jensen’s body, sad to relinquish that connection, but knowing it was necessary for what was to come.
“Put your leg up on my shoulder,” he coaxed, dragging Jensen’s leg up onto his right shoulder while wrapping the other leg high around his back. Jared scooted up on the bed, moving into position. “You ready?” he asked.
Jensen nodded in assent, not breaking Jared’s gaze.
Then Jared slowly, gently began to ease his way into Jensen, little by little, pausing to allow Jensen’s body to adjust to the intrusion. Jensen gave out a small hiss of pain at the very beginning, and Jared froze, but soon it was replaced by moans of pleasure and little insistent kicks from Jensen foot on Jared’s back as he tried to nudge Jared deeper and deeper.
When he was finally completely buried in Jensen, Jared had to grip the base of his cock to keep from coming right then. “You’re so beautiful, Jen,” he said adoringly. “I can’t believe I’m really inside you. Wanted it so much,” Jared gasped as he started to pull out slowly, checking Jensen’s reaction, before thrusting back in. “For so long,” he continued, “and I never thought I’d have you.
“Well you do,” Jensen sighed. “I wanted you too,” he panted, smiling, “and now you’re inside me.”
The connection was almost too much, Jared bent down against Jensen, folding Jensen almost double and picked up the pace, thrusting more urgently, faster and harder at Jensen’s coaxing. Not wanting to be too selfish, and definitely wanting Jensen to get the most out of his first time, Jared reached down between them and lovingly stroked Jensen’s dripping cock. They continued that way, fast and hard, but not too hard for several minutes as they kissed and nibbled and gasped in pleasure.
When Jared felt himself getting close, he pulled up a little, shifting Jensen’s hips off the bed a little more, and giving himself a better angle to hit Jensen’s prostate. The effect was immediate and Jensen began gasping and pleading to Jared for more. Within a minute, Jensen simply couldn’t hold on any longer and let out a long gasp, shooting his come over their chests as he did so. Jared immediately gave into his orgasm, pumping into the condom deep inside Jensen.
As they came down from their orgasms, they just collapsed for a moment, panting, before Jared reluctantly withdrew, Jensen giving another moan as he did so.
Jared quickly removed and tied off the condom, tossing it in the general direction of the trash can, and reached over the side of the bed to retrieve a mostly clean towel, which he used to clean them up, or at least make them less sticky.
When he was done, Jared lay down next to Jensen who was still on his back, staring up at the ceiling apparently mesmerized. “That was amazing,” Jensen said, at last.
“Really?” Jared asked, sliding in closer, slipping an arm under Jensen’s neck and rolling Jensen towards him. “’Cause it was… otherworldly for me,” Jared chose his words carefully, “and I really wanted it to be good for you, too.”
“I’ve never felt like that with anyone else,” Jensen admitted, laying a soft kiss on Jared’s temple, “and not just because I’ve never received anal sex before, but because I’ve just never felt like that before.”
“I know what you mean,” Jared said. “Come on, let’s get under the covers.” Neither man wanted to move, but it was chilly enough that they gave up the comfort of their embrace momentarily to slip between Jared’s luxuriously soft sheets. Soon they were curled up around each other and drifting off to sleep.
“I love you,” Jensen said with a yawn.
“I love you, too,” Jared answered.
“Have you thought about what we’re going to do tomorrow?” Jensen asked.
“Nah, not thinking that far ahead. Just enjoying having you here. I was so sure I was going to lose you…”
“Yeah, me too,” Jensen said, his voice a little sad.
“We don’t have to tell anyone anything, and Sandy can still…”
“Be your beard?”
“Yeah, if we need her to be,” Jared chuckled.
“She really is an awesome woman,” Jensen sighed, kissing Jared again lightly. “Still, do you want to go into work tomorrow? Or should we call the set and say we’re both sick?”
“Rachel will kill us if we get any farther behind, but…”
“Why don’t we decide when your alarm goes off,” Jensen offered. “Right now I just want to relax into my boyfriend’s arms and go to sleep.”
“Good plan, boyfriend,” Jared chuckled.
Jensen answered with a playful swat that landed on Jared’s bicep and turned into more of a massage. They stayed that way, holding each other, until they both drifted off to sleep. It was a far more peaceful sleep than Jared had enjoyed in ages, and judging by the way Jensen had turned to butter in his arms, Jared figured the feeling was probably mutual. His last thought before slipped completely into unconsciousness was of how lucky he was and how pleasantly surprised he had been with the outcome of his evening. It could have been a disaster, but instead, somehow, he was warm in his bed with Jensen in his arms, having just made love, and Jared couldn’t think of anything better in the world.
Fandom(s): SN/RPS
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki (J2)
Other Characters: Rachel Talalay; Mentions of Sandy McCoy
Genres: Angst, First Time
Warnings: Graphic M/M Sex, Swearing
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 8,659 for entire fic (posted in two parts due to size).
Disclaimer: I own nothing; Jared and Jensen own themselves. Doesn't reflect anyone's true sexual orientation. Purely for entertainment purposes; no money is being made.
A/N: Thank you to engel82 for both the original prompt and the beta! Will be cross-posted!
Summary: While filming "Hunted," Jared has a secret of his own to tell...
Part 1...
“You’re straight!” Jared exclaimed dumfounded, the pain creeping into his voice a little. Of all the possibilities, Jensen teasing him, making a joke out of the situation wasn’t one he had expected to run into.
“It is me, isn’t it?” was Jensen’s response. His voice sounded uncertain, stuck somewhere between victory and fear.
“It’s not funny, Jensen!” Jared snapped.
“You kissed me back,” again Jensen had a note of awe in his voice. He didn’t seem to be listening to what Jared was saying.
“What?” Jared asked confused, his mind quickly drifting to worst-case scenarios he hadn’t even begun to entertain, flashbacks of high school rejection and other unpleasant memories bubbling to the surface.
“You kissed me back, I know you did, so if it’s not me, then you must at least feel something for me,” Jensen said in a rush.
“What. the. hell?” Jared repeated, anger and indignation rising with the bile in his stomach, choking him. He had never expected Jensen to be an ass about it. Freaked out, offended, uncomfortable with Jared touching him, once he kenw how Jared felt, yeah, but not homophobic, laugh-at-the-big-queer kind of behavior. That shocked him. Jensen had always been so open minded and accepting, Jared had thought he’d handle the news better, but whatever. Maybe Jensen rejecting him like this would be easier in the long run, as long as Jensen wasn’t a total dick during filming. “Yeah Jensen, it’s you. You’re the guy I have feelings for, you’re the person I’m in love with, OK?” Jared spat out in disgust. “Are you happy? I’m sorry, I didn’t want fall for you, I know that you’re straight. I’m not trying to force myself on you, and I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me. I didn’t want to tell you, because I valued our friendship,” Jared swallowed hard, mostly numb or not, using the past tense to talk about their friendship still hurt. “But it’s not a big joke; I don’t find it funny. If you want to laugh about it on your own time, I can’t stop you, but if you had any respect for me as a friend and co-worker, I’d appreciate it if you could just not throw it back in my face.”
Jensen sat there stunned, looking hurt and confused. As angry as Jared was, he still felt like crap for bringing those emotions to Jensen’s face, after all, they had been best friends for a year and a half… it wasn’t exactly easy to override that kind of protective bond.
“No, Jared,” Jensen finally got out. “I’m happy, relieved... I’m glad it’s me. I, I was so worried… you’ve hardy touched me in the last month, you’ve been so cold and distant and avoiding me, and I was worried that I’d done something to piss you off. And when you said you’d broken up with Sandy, I was worried that I was the reason-that you’d been getting too close to me and she was jealous or something. And then you said there was someone else… and I was afraid that maybe they didn’t want you being so close to me.” Jensen stopped talking.
Jared just sat there looking even more confused.
“Jay, I’m happy. I want this.”
“But you’re straight,” Jared blurted out again. “Look, if you still want to be my friend, and you’re not just making fun of me for falling for you, that’s great,” Jared continued, allowing himself some hope for the first time that evening. Maybe there was some hope for his friendship after all. Yeah, they’d have to do a little negotiating, because even if Jensen was still OK with Jared hugging and patting and pretty much constantly violating his personal space, Jared still had to contend with the desire to just throw Jensen against the wall and fuck him senseless every time he got too close. But if Jensen was willing, Jared was hopeful enough to entertain the possibility that they could work something out. “But you don’t have to play at being my boyfriend just to…”
Jared was cut off by Jensen taking his hand and firmly placing it over Jensen’s crotch. Jared started to jerk away, but then the feel of Jensen’s erection registered in Jared’s brain and he just froze, his mouth open, eyes wide, hand clamped over the fly of Jensen’s jeans with Jensen’s hand on top, holding him there.
“Jared,” Jensen began again, a mix of humor and frustration now evident. “I’m not playing at anything, I’m not mocking you, and I certainly don’t want you to go away.”
“But you’re str-“
“Maybe I’m not as straight as I thought I was,” Jensen admitted, his hazel-green eyes boring deep into Jared’s darker hazel-brown ones. Jensen looked scared, naked, exposed-very similar to how Jared felt.
“How? When? Huh?” Jared stammered his brain still trailing behind. He realized that his hand was still practically squeezing Jensen’s erection, so he started to pull it away. Jensen let him remove it from his lap, but he held onto Jared’s hand, squeezing it lightly as he caressed the back of Jared’s neck with his other hand.
“Umm, probably from the first time I met you,” Jensen admitted sheepishly. “But I didn’t know it then. I didn’t really understand how I felt about you. Not, not until I realized that I actually liked you touching me, in my personal space, throwing yourself all over me-I mean normally that freaks me out. I, I need space, but with you… it always felt OK, and then it felt really good.” Jensen broke eye contact, hanging his head a little. “I’ve never really felt like this about anyone before, and I’ve really only ever had any feelings for one, maybe two other guys, and never acted on them-hell, I wasn’t even really sure what they meant until I met you.”
“Why…” Jared struggled to find his voice, noticing his hands were shaking. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” He managed to squeak out.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Jensen answered. Jared started to answer, but Jensen stopped him with a chuckle. “It’s a rhetorical question, Jay. Just take the same reason you didn’t say anything, and think about how I felt not even realizing I could feel like this for another man. You were with Sandy, and she’s a really great person. I wasn’t about to hurt her or cause problems for you just because I started falling for my best friend. I didn’t even know how you felt about me. Yeah, you’re Mr. Grabby Hands, but you’re kind of touchy feely with everyone. I didn’t know if you were just ordinary touchy with me, or best friend touchy, or if it meant something more.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“The thought of losing you,” Jensen answered solemnly. “A month ago at that party, I thought I felt…”
Jared nodded, “You did.”
“And then you pulled away. You wouldn’t hug me or sit too close, you were hardly spending time with me, and then you even started avoiding me on-set.”
“I did?”
“Yeah, you did. I think I get now, what was going through your head, but at the time, it felt like, I got this little hint that maybe what I wanted more than anything, but couldn’t even talk about with anyone was true, and then the next thing I knew you were shutting me out, and I wasn’t even sure if we were friends anymore…”
“Oh god; I’m sorry,” Jared sobbed, reflexively pulling Jensen towards him, not even realizing that he was doing it until Jensen was firmly in his arms, their bodies pulled close together. “I’m so, so sorry,” Jared murmured into Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen turned his head and nuzzled it against Jared’s neck, stroking his hand gently up and down Jared’s back.
“It’s OK, it’s all OK,” Jensen whispered in Jared’s ear. Then he brushed back Jared’s hair and pressed his lips gently to the side of Jared’s neck, kissing lightly, then moving up slightly to suck gently on Jared’s earlobe.
“Wait, wait,” Jared said, puling back slightly again.
When he caught Jensen’s eye, that fear and glint of hurt was back. Jared wanted nothing more than to kiss it out of Jensen’s soul, but first he had to be sure. “You really want this?”
“Yes!” Jensen nodded, exasperated.
“You want to date me, be my boyfriend, have a relationship…”
Jensen leaned in and kissed him again, this time just a wet smack on Jared’s lips before sucking gently on Jared’s lower lip, nibbling it slightly before pulling back and looking steadfastly into Jared’s eyes. “I am in love with you Jared. I want to take this wherever it goes. I hope we’ll be happy, I know there are no guarantees, and yeah, I’m a little scared, ‘cause I’ve never actually done this with a guy before, but yes, I want this.”
That was all the reassurance Jared needed before he was attacking Jensen, tugging at his shirt, popping open the buttons and frantically stroking and caressing Jensen’s skin underneath. It was so smooth and warm underneath his hands, Jared could feel Jensen’s muscles tensing and relaxing and responding to Jared’s touch. As he slipped the shirt off of Jensen’s shoulders, he lapped gently at Jensen’s mouth. Nibbling and biting at his lips, sucking on Jensen’s tongue, kissing deeper and deeper until they were both panting, and Jared realized his hands had moved instinctively to Jensen’s belt and already had it unbuckled. “Are you, is this?” Jared panted into the kiss, unsure of how far Jensen wanted to take things.
Jensen’s response was moving Jared’s hand and assisting him in unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. Then Jensen reached up and started tugging at Jared’s shirt yanking it over Jared’s head. When that was removed, Jensen was unbuckling Jared’s belt and reaching inside his pants. Only, Jensen didn’t stop when he got Jared’s fly unzipped, he kept on reaching, pulling the waistband of Jared’s boxers down, and coaxing out Jared’s now-very-erect and leaking cock. Slightly hesitant at first, Jensen began stroking. “Is this ok?”
“Yeah,” Jared let out a chuckle, looking down at Jensen’s hand, stroking him. Somewhere in the back of his mind Jared’s voice was screaming in shock that he was actually getting a hand job from Jensen, but the sensation was too much for that to even register. Jensen’s fingers were calloused in places, but largely smooth, smaller than Jared’s but agile, dexterous, and pulling and stroking at Jared in all the right ways. Jensen swirled his fingers lightly over the head of Jared’s dick and Jared gasped. “Oh god, that’s way better than OK.”
Jensen gave him a smile then glanced down at his own crotch where Jared realized he’d left his hands frozen, unmoving, just hovering outside of Jensen’s boxer-briefs. Blushing, Jared reacted by taking both hands and tugging Jensen’s pants and shorts down-difficult since Jensen was presently partly underneath Jared and pressed up against the arm of the couch, but Jensen assisted, and within moments, Jensen was spread out for Jared, naked cock and balls in all their long-desired glory out in the open for Jared to see. Jared began expertly stroking Jensen’s cock, twisting his wrist at the top of the stroke, eventually flicking his thumb over the crown. Jensen moaned and shifted in response, his own pace on Jared’s cock faltering, but not stopping, even when Jared reached down and caressed Jensen’s balls, rolling them gently in his palm, and reaching behind them, to rub at the very sensitive spot just behind them.
“More,” Jensen gasped. “Naked, you…”
Jared got the message and wiggled his hips to help Jensen force his pants and boxers down to past his knees. Jared spread his legs a little, straddling Jensen and moving closer, leaning down and pressing his naked torso to Jensen’s. He began to lap and suck at Jensen’s neck, nibbling with his teeth at the juncture between neck and shoulder, drawing moans and “oh god”s from Jensen’s lips. Jared kissed around to the other side of Jensen’s neck, then trailed his tongue down to Jensen’s nipples, first his left then his right, sucking and biting until Jensen was keening and writhing beneath him, then kissing back up, gently, lightly brushing Jensen’s skin all the way up his neck, over his Adam’s apple, under his chin, before devouring his mouth greedily. Jared moved his hand so that he grasped both their erections, nudging Jensen’s hand out of the way as he did so. Then Jared was jacking them both, stroking and swirling, as Jensen thrust his hips up to get more friction, wrapping his hands around Jared’s body, first squeezing and grabbing, then gently dragging his blunt nails up and down Jared’s back, causing him to moan loudly into the kiss.
After several minutes Jared was completely on edge; he slowed his hand and pulled back, looking down lovingly at Jensen, still trying to absorb the reality that he was actually having sex with Jensen, and it wasn’t a dream and there were no bizarre drugs, amnesia, alcohol, or alternate universes involved.
“What?” Jensen asked, amusedly, thrusting even harder with his hips, trying to buck up into Jared’s hand even with Jared’s weight on top of him.
“I was just wondering, how close you were,” Jared answered, “and how… far, you want to go?” He blushed, normally, Jared would never ask this on a “first date,” but then again, this was Jensen and they’d known each other for so long and so well, and what was happening was already so far into the realm of the impossible he figured what the hell.
“Are you asking me if I wanna?” Jensen replied, tilting his head to the side and giving Jared a meaningful glance.
“Uh huh,” Jared answered, “I’m a top,” he continued, “but I could bottom if you’re…”
“Jared,” Jensen said, all hint of nervousness gone from his voice, “I love you, and nothing would make me happier than for you to make love to me,” he leaned up and kissed Jared, just a light peck on the lips.
“Have you ever?”
“No, well, I’ve had a few girlfriends finger fuck me, and I really liked it, but uh, you’ll be my first.”
“Are you really sure you want this?” Jared asked again, he didn’t want to hurt Jensen physically or emotionally, and he definitely didn’t want a bad time experience to scare Jensen away. “We can wait… are you sure?”
“You keep asking me that,” Jensen murmured in amazement. “Yes, it’s OK. I trust you. I want you to pop my cherry,” he added with a giggle. Yep, it was an honest to god giggle.
“Ok, then,” Jared said with a maniacal grin, “would you care to follow me to the bedroom?”
“Lead the way,” Jensen instructed.
They rose awkwardly, holding onto each other and trying to shed their pants from around their ankles without tripping or falling. There were a few ill-advised moments where Jared tried to walk Jensen backwards towards the bedroom while kissing him and not really looking where they were going, which nearly sent them both tumbling to the ground when Jensen accidentally bumped into a sleeping, and then yelping, Harley, who quickly got out of the way, looking at his owner with much indignation. After apologizing profusely to the dog, Jared finally just took Jensen by the hand and led him hurriedly to the bedroom.
“Lie down on the bed,” Jared said, and Jensen complied, collapsing against the gigantic California King and crab-walking backwards towards the center so that he didn’t have to take his eyes off of Jared.
Jared blushed, but busied himself with retrieving condoms and lube from the mahogany nightstand next to the bed. He crawled up the covers and settled between Jensen’s spread legs, leaning over and kissing him chastely on the lips.
“Is this OK? This position, I mean,” Jensen asked.
“It might be easier on your hands and knees,” Jared said reluctantly.
“I want to see you,” Jensen replied.
“Then it’s fine,” Jared said with a relieved smile. He really wanted to look at Jensen too.
When they began kissing again, Jensen seemed to wrap himself around Jared, pulling him in, caressing with his hands everywhere, relishing in the newfound freedom to touch and explore, stroking a little at Jared’s cock and sac, reaching behind and rubbing at the sensitive spot, squeezing Jared’s ass, all while Jared kissed and licked and then bit Jensen’s nipples. Before long they were both on-edge again, and Jensen was literally begging for Jared to fuck him.
Leaning down for one more long, languorous kiss, Jared tangled and twisted his tongue around Jensen’s before simply tongue-fucking Jensen’s mouth as he stroked Jensen’s hair with one hand and flipped open the cap on the lube with the other. He managed to squirt some onto his fingers without taking his other hand out of Jensen’s unbelievably soft hair. Jared reached down between Jensen’s legs and back, running his fingers slowly around Jensen’s hole, caressing, slipping one finger slowly as Jensen gave out a small gasp. Jensen relaxed quickly, easing and giving way, allowing Jared to slip in another finger before stroking them in and out and in and out and curling the finger tips forward to rub against Jensen’s prostate, earning more gasps and moans.
“You really have been finger fucked before,” Jared realized as he slipped in a third finger, scissoring them gently, feeling Jensen adjust and relax around him.
Jensen nodded.
“You’re tight, but this is actually going to work,” Jared said.
Jensen chuckled a little before letting out another moan. “What, you thought I couldn’t take you?”
“No, I just, I don’t want to hurt you, don’t want… to scare you away.”
“Not going to happen,” Jensen said, clamping down on Jared’s fingers and pulling them deeper inside. Jared rubbed forward again, making Jensen moan and squirm on the bed beneath him. “Oh my god, so close, please Jared. Make love to me, please?” he added, staring deeply into Jared’s eyes, desire making his pupils wide and his eyelids heavy.
Jared reluctantly let go of Jensen’s hair and used that hand and his teeth to tear open the condom wrapper, rolling it on hastily. When he was sure that the condom was securely in place and rolled down over the significant length and girth of his shaft, he reached over for the lube and slicked himself up. Then he slipped his fingers from Jensen’s body, sad to relinquish that connection, but knowing it was necessary for what was to come.
“Put your leg up on my shoulder,” he coaxed, dragging Jensen’s leg up onto his right shoulder while wrapping the other leg high around his back. Jared scooted up on the bed, moving into position. “You ready?” he asked.
Jensen nodded in assent, not breaking Jared’s gaze.
Then Jared slowly, gently began to ease his way into Jensen, little by little, pausing to allow Jensen’s body to adjust to the intrusion. Jensen gave out a small hiss of pain at the very beginning, and Jared froze, but soon it was replaced by moans of pleasure and little insistent kicks from Jensen foot on Jared’s back as he tried to nudge Jared deeper and deeper.
When he was finally completely buried in Jensen, Jared had to grip the base of his cock to keep from coming right then. “You’re so beautiful, Jen,” he said adoringly. “I can’t believe I’m really inside you. Wanted it so much,” Jared gasped as he started to pull out slowly, checking Jensen’s reaction, before thrusting back in. “For so long,” he continued, “and I never thought I’d have you.
“Well you do,” Jensen sighed. “I wanted you too,” he panted, smiling, “and now you’re inside me.”
The connection was almost too much, Jared bent down against Jensen, folding Jensen almost double and picked up the pace, thrusting more urgently, faster and harder at Jensen’s coaxing. Not wanting to be too selfish, and definitely wanting Jensen to get the most out of his first time, Jared reached down between them and lovingly stroked Jensen’s dripping cock. They continued that way, fast and hard, but not too hard for several minutes as they kissed and nibbled and gasped in pleasure.
When Jared felt himself getting close, he pulled up a little, shifting Jensen’s hips off the bed a little more, and giving himself a better angle to hit Jensen’s prostate. The effect was immediate and Jensen began gasping and pleading to Jared for more. Within a minute, Jensen simply couldn’t hold on any longer and let out a long gasp, shooting his come over their chests as he did so. Jared immediately gave into his orgasm, pumping into the condom deep inside Jensen.
As they came down from their orgasms, they just collapsed for a moment, panting, before Jared reluctantly withdrew, Jensen giving another moan as he did so.
Jared quickly removed and tied off the condom, tossing it in the general direction of the trash can, and reached over the side of the bed to retrieve a mostly clean towel, which he used to clean them up, or at least make them less sticky.
When he was done, Jared lay down next to Jensen who was still on his back, staring up at the ceiling apparently mesmerized. “That was amazing,” Jensen said, at last.
“Really?” Jared asked, sliding in closer, slipping an arm under Jensen’s neck and rolling Jensen towards him. “’Cause it was… otherworldly for me,” Jared chose his words carefully, “and I really wanted it to be good for you, too.”
“I’ve never felt like that with anyone else,” Jensen admitted, laying a soft kiss on Jared’s temple, “and not just because I’ve never received anal sex before, but because I’ve just never felt like that before.”
“I know what you mean,” Jared said. “Come on, let’s get under the covers.” Neither man wanted to move, but it was chilly enough that they gave up the comfort of their embrace momentarily to slip between Jared’s luxuriously soft sheets. Soon they were curled up around each other and drifting off to sleep.
“I love you,” Jensen said with a yawn.
“I love you, too,” Jared answered.
“Have you thought about what we’re going to do tomorrow?” Jensen asked.
“Nah, not thinking that far ahead. Just enjoying having you here. I was so sure I was going to lose you…”
“Yeah, me too,” Jensen said, his voice a little sad.
“We don’t have to tell anyone anything, and Sandy can still…”
“Be your beard?”
“Yeah, if we need her to be,” Jared chuckled.
“She really is an awesome woman,” Jensen sighed, kissing Jared again lightly. “Still, do you want to go into work tomorrow? Or should we call the set and say we’re both sick?”
“Rachel will kill us if we get any farther behind, but…”
“Why don’t we decide when your alarm goes off,” Jensen offered. “Right now I just want to relax into my boyfriend’s arms and go to sleep.”
“Good plan, boyfriend,” Jared chuckled.
Jensen answered with a playful swat that landed on Jared’s bicep and turned into more of a massage. They stayed that way, holding each other, until they both drifted off to sleep. It was a far more peaceful sleep than Jared had enjoyed in ages, and judging by the way Jensen had turned to butter in his arms, Jared figured the feeling was probably mutual. His last thought before slipped completely into unconsciousness was of how lucky he was and how pleasantly surprised he had been with the outcome of his evening. It could have been a disaster, but instead, somehow, he was warm in his bed with Jensen in his arms, having just made love, and Jared couldn’t think of anything better in the world.