5 in the morning inspiration....

[pandorasjoy]

Here is something I wrote this morning. I post it in honor of loyolajd's bashed alarm clock and Paul's expressed wish that I post my entries to the writing contest....one of which this might turn out to be if I can get it up to fighting weight. Here tis!

Comments

[newbia]

;___; War is hell...

[allie_the_neko]

very good... I must agree...

One tiny problem- you ended a sentence with a preposition (Courteous tones and soothing pats are rarely used with respect to alarm clocks; indeed, while the reasoning of the human adversary may be sound, the methods of negotiation are quite to be despaired of.)

That's the only major thing I could find.... if I sat down for a serious editing session, I might be able to find more grammatical stuff, but I'm bad with grammar anyway. But the content is very good, very well-written.

A

[pandorasjoy]

I don't usually bother about that rule....I'm with Winston Churchill (this is just the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put!), but in this case you may have a point. I think I need an adjective there, but I can't think of a good one...hmmmmm....

Thanks for commenting and mini-critiquing!

[pandorasjoy]

Ooooh! Torturous wasn't really what I was looking for, but you have sent my magic carpet on the right train of thought and now I have an adjective! Thank you!

quote indeed, while the reasoning of the human adversary may be sound, the methods of negotiation are quite barbaric. unquote

Do you think that works? I'm going for something along those lines, anyway...

[fictionalsolace]

i am fairly nice to my clock. i run my slender fingers over the time-set buttons slowly, yet confidently. i feel the ridges running over the top of the clock until i come to the snooze button. i feel the pronounced line across the top of it. i slowly press it and the clock's shrieking fades to but a dull hum. my hand keeps going along the snooze button until it reaches the volume knob. i turn it slowly counterclockwise--just a bit, so it isnt as loud the next time-- and then withdraw my hand from the top of the clock, the beast being quelled for the time being.

some people are so abusive...

[fictionalsolace]

oh wait... i was supposed to comment on your writing.
it seems very well written. i doubt my english teacher could write anything more eloquent than what you have there. you took a superfluous problem and addressed it seriously, gracefully, and with poise. well done!

[pandorasjoy]

I commend you on your humane treatment of your alarm clock. And am highly a-moosed by your description of same.

And thank you!

[newbia]

Cheese...*blush* How is it that you managed to make turning off the alarm clock sound so dirty?

[stripesishere]

*is laughing very hard* This is an awesome conversation...