Today it's my turn to die [Chapter 4 / 10]
Today it's my turn to die | Jongyu, Jongkey, Onkey, past!Taekey | R | 2000+
au, fantasy, angst, smut, drama, romance, | unbeta-ed , suicide issues, swearing,
Chapter 4: Make me clean
It’s one of those nights where you are so tired that your eyes are tearing up, so tired that you can’t move a muscle and you just want to close your eyes and sleep but you can’t, because your brain refuses to stop thinking. Because there are so many thoughts, awful, troubling thoughts running through your mind that you just can’t relax.
Kibum has been lying in his bed, hidden under layers of blankets, warm and save, for hours now. But the sleep won’t come.
When he opens his eyes they hurt so much that he has to close them again and as soon as he closes them again there are the images, so clear and vivid that it makes him shudder. He sees Taemin’s face and Taemin’s father and the blood and the bruises and when he closes his eyes long enough it’s as if he can smell that suffocating disgusting smell of fear and blood and sex again and he feels like puking.
So he spends almost his whole night blinking and trembling and thinking and thinking and thinking, but only almost because as he is lost in his thoughts he doesn’t notice the small sounds coming from his bedroom window.
He is so lost and troubled and confused that he feels as if his heart is stopping and he barely suppresses a squeal when something warm and heavy falls down on his body. He feels hands tugging at his blankets and soon he is exposed to the dark, body fighting against the figure above him.
“Hyung, hyung! It’s me!”
“T-Taemin?”
Kibum feels a nod against his neck and then there is a tongue and then teeth playing with his sensitive skin. Kibum doesn’t know what to do. He should push Taemin away, wrap him in his arms and promise to protect him, keep him save from the outside and make sure that his father dies a painful death, but Kibum is not strong enough to protect Taemin, he never was. And it hits him like a tsunami when he realises that Taemin, his younger brother, his best friend, his love has become so much stronger and so foreign to Kibum and it makes his heart clench painfully.
“S-stop! Don’t do this! Taemin,” Kibum hisses out as he pushes at Taemin’s thin shoulders, but the younger is stronger than he looks, holds on to Kibum, doesn’t buck. Kibum tries to sit up, tries to knock some sense into Taemin and he keeps whispering: “Don’t do this!” But it’s to no avail. Taemin doesn’t let go, just keeps on holding tighter as he lips travel up to the side of Kibum’s face.
“Hyung, please,” he whimpers into the shell of Kibum’s ear, “don’t push me away.”
And Kibum has always been weak to Kibum’s pleading, has always given in and he’s ashamed of himself when he notices that even now he does not have the willpower to refuse Taemin.
So he let’s go of his thin shoulders and immediately there are chapped lips pressed to his, teeth biting his bottom lip until it bleeds and needy hands roaming over his body. Taemin straddles Kibum’s waist and rakes his fingers up Kibum’s hips, lifting the elder’s shirt up and when Kibum’s shirt is gone, Taemin throws his hoodie away too, skin meeting skin. Taemin rolls his hips a few times, throws his head back and swallows and Kibum can see his Adams apple bobbing in the silver moonlight. And despite the bruises and scratches and burn marks on Taemin’s body Kibum can only think that he is beautiful, so extremely beautiful.
It’s rubbing and scratching and biting and whimpering until they are both naked. Taemin rocks his hips down into Kibum’s, cocks rubbing together to create sweet friction and Kibum whimpers, fingers sinking into the soft flesh of Taemin’s thighs.
And suddenly there is slick, wet heat around his shaft and Kibum has been so dazed that he didn’t even notice Taemin preparing himself or lowering himself into Kibum and when he is fully seated Kibum can’t help but hear the soft, pained moans coming from Taemin.
Taemin leans down then, his head resting on Kibum’s chest as he rocks his hips down, his mouth opening in a silent moan. Kibum winds his arms around Taemin’s slim figure and bucks up. The position is slightly uncomfortable and it’s hard to move, but it’s so beautiful. It’s beautiful in the way that Taemin’s ear is pressed to Kibum’s heart, his lips and nose and hair, rubbing against the elder’s slick chest.
“Hyung! Hyung…” Taemin whispers over and over again as he pushes down into the cock in his ass. Kibum tightens his grip and slowly, carefully turns them around. He brushed his nose against Taemin’s and leans his hands next to his head to support himself.
He starts his pace again, slow and languid and drawn out. This is not about fucking or about pleasure this is about something else, something so much different. Taemin grips onto Kibum, his arms winding around his neck to press him against himself, his teeth scraping Kibum’s earlobe.
“Hyung make me clean… please,”
Kibum starts thrusting faster, still careful, but needier. Taemin starts moaning, starts whimpering and begging into Kibum’s ear and Kibum would have been so turned on if wouldn’t have been for Taemin’s words.
“It hurst, it hurts. Make it stop!”
Kibum closes his eyes, lets the tears fall out of his eyes.
“I’m so dirty. Make me clean.”
He feels Taemin tremble in his grip; feels wetness against his cheek, keeps thrusting.
“I need you.”
They cum with tears in their eyes and mouths open in a silent moan.
***
Okay. This is stupid. Or, no. This is not stupid. But it’s embarrassing. And disgusting. Really, really disgusting. There is mud and leaves and rain everywhere. It’s pathetic and what is she doing here again? Yeah, right. That.
Jessica is sitting in front of the building he has seen Kim Kibum enter a few days ago. Yes, she is sitting and she’s sitting in a bush. All stalker like, with sunglasses (even though it’s dark and raining) and a cap (violet with glitter it’s the only one she found) and a camera (one of those cheep one-use ones). She feels ticklish all over and after three days of not seeing anything she starts feeling really stupid, maybe she just mistook him. Or maybe she followed the wrong person.
Anyway. Kim KIbum has not left the house since the time Jessica has started sitting in this bush for seven hours a day. She really has her mother’s reporter genes. She’s seen a lot of people come in and out of the house. An old woman with her niece and young girl with too short skirts and too much make-up on, a guy her age with chubby cheeks and a big grin, a business man with his wife and his little son, a small guy with a strong jaw-line and big eyes. But no! Kim Kibum with high cheek bones, pale skin and narrow eyes, won’t come out of his apartment.
She’s even asked a few a few of it’s inhabitant if they had a neighbour called Kim Kibum, but they all shook their head, taking few steps back from her and eyeing her suspiciously. She guesses it’s because of her appearance.
Okay. So she is getting sick of this. After her complete failure with this Yoochun guy, who she didn’t get anything out of no matter how much he threatened him and after losing her actual job she slowly starts to let this go. If there only wasn’t this itching feeling in her fingertips and under her nose. The itching that told her that she was close to something big.
She sniffs, running a dirty hand through her hair only to notice that it is covered by her cap. This is really pathetic. She scratches the back of her head and feels that her feet start to hurt and her bones are aching and when she looks at the small watch on her wrist she notices that it’s no wonder since she has been sitting in this position for an hour now.
Cursing, she readjust her position, getting the wet mud all over her trousers but she doesn’t really care anymore. She snaps a few pictures of the house, just because she is bored and freezing when she hears a subtle coughing behind her.
Slowly, she turns around, her eyes narrowing as she looks at the man in front of her.
“What,” she spits out, arms crossing over her shoulder defensively as the man grins at her, amusement quite evident in his face as he takes a closer look at her. She rolls her eyes and turns around to face the house again, she’s not in the mood to be interrupted, neither is she in the mood to be made fun off.
“Go away,” she snaps, ignoring how the figure shifts and crouches down next to her.
“You sure this will help you reach anything?”
“Shut up and leave me alone!”
“I think you could use some help.”
Jessica’s turns her head, eyes wide and mouth agape before her lips stretch into a grin.
***
Kibum is not stupid. He knows there is something strange about Jinki. The way his eyes don’t crinkle the way they should when they smile, or the way he doesn’t look at them. He works overtime, spend almost all day in his lab and when he comes home he immediately disappears in his room. Jonghyun notices too.
Kibum can see the way he shoots Jinki worried glances, tries to talk to him, only to be avoided. Jonghyun is devastated to say the least.
“Fuck this shit!” he mumbles into Kibum’s skin as he pushes him into the wall. Kibum groans hands fisting in Jonghyun’s shirt as he pushes down into the knee between his legs. The front door opens and Jonghyun pushes away, disappearing into his room as Kibum brews tea for Jinki.
Kibum knows that Jinki is not stupid either. He knows that he notices the glances between him and Jonghyun and the hickeys and Kibum’s neck.
But Jonghyun is stupid. Or oblivious. He doesn’t notice the way Jinki cringes when he touches Kibum or the way Jinki’s face falls whenever Jonghyun laughs at a joke Kibum has made. He doesn’t notice that he makes it totally obvious to everyone (Jinki) that he is fucking Kibum. He could be writing ‘Kim Jonghyun is fucking Kim Kibum’ on his face and it would be the same. For Jinki, anyway.
It makes Kibum want to face palm, because seriously: why does Jonghyun have to be like this? But since Kibum noticed that in this households action speaks better than words he shuts up and lets it happen.
It’s one evening after Kibum has taken a long shower and walks back into his room that he finds Jinki on his bed, all black eyes and seriousness.
“Jinki?” Kibum asks, squinting his eyes because it is really, really dark in his room -why the hell is Jinki not turning the light on?
Kibum walks over to his nightstand, bathrobe sliding down his shoulders as he leans down to turn the small lamp on it on. But Jinki stops him, big hands circling around Kibum’s wrists.
“Kibum,” he says, his voice low and husky in a way that makes the hairs on Kibum’s neck stand up. Jinki tugs on Kibum wrists and Kibum complies, finding himself between Jinki’s legs as he looks down at the other still sitting on the bed.
“Kibum,” Jinki repeats as he tugs more and Kibum leans down, eyes locking on Jinki’s as he rests his released hands on Jinki’s shoulders.
Kibum knew that this would come. He was prepared. But he can see the hurt in Jinki’s eyes, the hesitation, the fear.
“You sure?”
Jinki nods and his hands start roaming over Kibum’s sides as he pulls him down further. Kibum’s lips hover above Jinki’s as he is undressed and as he undresses Jinki and as he pushes down into his cock, feels it hot and pulsing inside him. Jinki moans and Kibum curses as he bounces on Jinki’s lap, hands fisting in Jinki’s soft locks, lips still hovering above Jinki’s. Then Kibum leans down. Their lips meet. Jinki cries.
*
TBC
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- I apologize for grammar/spelling mistakes english is not my native language.
So now I decided to change from my original plan to
update not that often and instead write long chapters
So from now on it will be shorter chapters and more updates.
I'm also not really sure about the number of chapters
but I guess it will be smth around 10 chapters
comments are ♥