136; to make up for earlier mistakes~

[paralinguistic]

This was on my flist, and I've never done this one before ever. As I also cocked up earlier with the anonymous meme, I thought I'd do this one instead, since this one's far nicer and doesn't revolve around me.

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but

Comments

[anonymous]

I think you're wonderful. Your writing; your sense of self; the things you say and your self expression; the way you have the confidence to say things that I can never say -- just all of you. Sometimes I wonder whether we're really friends or whether its just words, but then you say we are, and I believe that's enough. Any fault or insecurity is on my side of that issue.

[paralinguistic]

If I say we're really friends? If you want to be really friends? Then we're really friends. ♥ Thank you for taking the time to write this down.

because i am nothing if not transparent.

[anonymous]

teachers are ridiculous people. fundamentally, they all are. and I've realized after many years of floundering (here's a short and incomplete list: lawyer, social worker, grief counselor, school counselor, school of thought owner, con artist, actress, wedding planner, public speaker) that all I want is to get paid to be ridiculous. if there is a job out there that will pay me to be a total spaz in front of thirty-something kids, then it's like it was made for me. then I realize that if that's the case, I'd really be better suited to a life onstage, but I love acting too much to ever make it a career. maybe I'll just do improv for the rest of my life. I still can't believe that people pay to see other people be complete retards for two and a half hours, even though I've been on both sides of that coin

because i am nothing if not adoring.

[paralinguistic]

You are an amazing individual. For not knowing you that well, you're becoming very important to me very quick. And yes, I know who you are, and boy, do I wish I had your confidence.

[anonymous]

I get absolutely bloody terrified that I'm never going to be good at anything, that my writing is utter shit, and that everyone thinks I'm sodding useless

[paralinguistic]

Mm, snapping at me over criticism ... let's see, that happens to me a lot. And I never hold a grudge. If you come back to see this, consider yourself forgiven, even though you were already.

And, if you ever do think of what to say, I hope you know where I am. I'm sure I don't hate you, because I don't think there's anyone who'd take time to write something here that I hate. So! ♥ Thank you, for writing down your feelings. I hope that the dreams pass - I'm sorry, to hear about your friend. But the subconscious likes to imitate the conscious in this respect, so if you can find some way to stop blaming yourself, perhaps the dreams will move on. I really hope things get better ♥

[anonymous]

I'm horrible when it comes to getting close to people. I wish I weren't; I wish I didn't sabotage my relationships the moment it feels like someone's getting too close. I'm not quite sure why I do it, beyond my worry that any perceived closeness and comradery is one-sided, and an increase in distance is necessary so I don't make a fool of myself and wind up hurt. This goes against instinct for me. For me, instinct is to trust and confide, to share, to listen, to let people in. I used to do this; I used to devote myself to my friendships and pour an insane amount of effort into helping them flourish, and then maintaining them. But I found myself getting used and taken advantage of.

Now, I'm afraid. I pull away and increase that distance. The relationships suffer, and I'm certainly not happy pulling away, but it's either that or become too close to people and be let down by them, hurt by them, because I care too fucking much and my skin is too thin. I want to trust these people I refer to as my friends, but it's absurdly

[anonymous]

I cried when I read this, because I realised I could have written the exact same thing.

[anonymous]

♥

And that's the tragedy of anonymity, I guess. Finding someone who feels the same way, and knowing you'll never know them.

[anonymous]

Me, too. I'm not sure how to get close to people. It happens by accident sometimes, though, and it's the best thing ever except that I'm so certain that it won't last.

[anonymous]

I don't know what to do with myself when it comes to you. That sounds more negative than I meant it. It really isn't negative, I just can't seem to sort myself out enough to entirely figure out my feelings for you. I'd try and talk to you about it if I honestly thought I'd have a clue what to say. I know this much, though: you mean so much to me. If nothing else, I'm so pleased to call you a friend.

[paralinguistic]

I'm sure I'm very pleased to call you a friend, too. ♥ I hope someday you can find the words to talk to me about it.