The aftermath

Jul 01, 2004 10:29

So that's what rock bottom feels like. That was the closest I've ever been to going over the edge completely. Everything was just building up to last night. Jen, my dad, the drop back into clinical depression (hello anti-depressants! I've missed you!), the whole she-bang. I'm worried about just how far I would have gone. Would I be posting this if ( Read more... )

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Comments 12

little_missy July 1 2004, 02:35:45 UTC
*huge hugs* i know what it feels like to hit rock bottom and to contemplate doing silly things. however, at least you are getting help now and the only way is up, as you said. if you wanna chat then feel free to add me to msn. my ID is lauramatheson2 at hotmail dot com.

take care *hugs*

and remember, this is your LJ so post whatever you want here. it is a good outlet for getting things off your chest.

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patchwork_andy July 1 2004, 02:47:26 UTC
Thanks. I'm strangely calm just now, with the occasional burst of feeling upset about what I could have done. Thanks again.

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little_missy July 1 2004, 02:58:31 UTC
its ok, no need to thank. just remember that you are not alone. you have to forget about what you "couldve" done too. you didnt, you chose to try and get through this. that alone takes courage :)

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patchwork_andy July 1 2004, 03:07:36 UTC
Hmmm. I'm not so sure. I think I was just too much of a coward to actual go through with anything. I was too worried about the affects on my family and stuff. Still.......it's like something's snappped and life doesn't seem so bad.

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jambo July 1 2004, 06:43:33 UTC
I felt the very same from December last year right up until April this year. I have no idea what actually brought it on, but there were quite a few factors that made it a hell of a lot worse. During that time I considered suicide 3 times, but never got off the considering it stage. I luckilly had the drive and the 'want' to climb out of the hole i was in. Only I could get myself out of it, and to this day I'm proud that I could. I know you well Andrew, and if I can do it- so can I. There's many many people out there that have far far less than you, so you should feel greatful of what you have and the life you have just now, as it could easilly be a hell of a lot worse than it is.

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jambo July 1 2004, 06:44:15 UTC
i meant 'so can you'

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patchwork_andy July 1 2004, 06:53:37 UTC
I know, I know. But I was hardly thinking rationally was I? I realise I'm a talented and able individual with an awful lot to live for but I couldn't see that last night. As I'm sure you understand.

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jambo July 1 2004, 06:59:46 UTC
Of course I do. You'll know what I mean when I say that you don't see yourself in the same light as what everyone else does when you hit rock bottom? It's true. You think people are talking out their arse, and just trying to make you feel better, but you just get so paranoid about yourself you can't see yourself all the things about you that so many people adore...

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cluster_one July 1 2004, 09:34:09 UTC
I can think of nowt useful to say. :(

But the world is a much better place with you in it.

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patchwork_andy July 1 2004, 09:36:46 UTC
Thank you. :-}

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