been trying to think of what to say the entire time since this happened. i feel like writing this entry is like talking to you, derek. even though you aren't here any more.
just know i love you like my brother. more than my biological brother, probably. and i will miss you every day until we meet again.
missing you
anonymous
October 9 2004, 19:40:59 UTC
Nothing is the same since you've been gone. No more laughter, the way you used to laugh. No more hugs, the way you used to hug. Just a hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I still think of you every minute of every day. The emptiness, sadness and rage is unbearable sometimes. I talk to you all the time. I hope you hear me. I try to write about you, but it's so damn hard to see through the tears. I try to vent my anger, try to give my pain an outlet. But words are so simplistic compared to the overwhelming emotions I'm dealing with. I hope you understand why I'm so screwed up right now. I just can't deal with this. The "tower of strength" I always believed that I had has crumbled, and all I'm left with is ashes. Ashes. I miss you so damn much. I love you so much more than I could tell you in a thousand lifetimes. I believe you're on a new journey, but please, step firmly as you go, walk slowly, and glance back occasionally. When it's my time to journey on, I want to be able to follow your path, to catch up with you, travel with
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Derek you're a dad now.
anonymous
November 22 2004, 04:24:13 UTC
wish you could know your child and that your child could know you. Hope this will heal some of the hurt your family's felt and bring some peace and maybe forgiveness. The baby is beautiful, like your spirit.
Derek, she's so beautiful. You have such a beautiful daughter, Aurora Aydan Biggs-Shirey. I would say that I wish you could see her, but I know you're with her every minute of every day. She looks just like you did when you were born. Absolutely beautiful. You didn't have an ugly baby. ;) I wish I could help more. Jess is so tired now. It's taking a toll on her, but I know she doesn't want to be away from her, otherwise I would go over and steal Aurora for the afternoon and give that poor baby (Jess) some rest. Jess is doing so good though, she is going to be a really good mom. I wish so much that you could hold her though. I want Rory to know your touch, your smell, to know your voice, to feel you kiss those sweet chubby cheeks. It hurts so damn much to know that she'll never know "first hand" what an awesome dad she has, that she'll never feel those strong arms wrapped around her and know that she's safe. I'll tell her stories, like the stories I told you and Allie. She'll know how sweet and funny and strong and proud you are. I'll
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just know i love you like my brother. more than my biological brother, probably. and i will miss you every day until we meet again.
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