Creme De La Cremated
I'm often asked by my clients (before they draw their terminal breath) how exactly I'm going to dispose of their body. Well, I don't usually add this feature to the whole euthanasia package, though I do take care of 'burial' arrangements out of sheer terror of leaving any evidence behind for those oppressive law figures who don't appreciate my work
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Comments 9
I was wondering if you considered offering your clients cryogenics but I believe it to be very expensive not to mention bloody cold. The thing that worries me is that if you were to freeze my body to bring me back at a later date what kind of guarantee would I get that you wouldn't just feed me to the ants and spend all my money on Smiths concerts and holidays in Jamaica? Is there any way I can get my money back if I don't like the life I come back to? What will be the after effects of such treatment? Will I have a normal sex life or will things shrivel up? Will I be able to play the piano, (I can't now)? Would you be able to do a little bit of liposuction before bringing me back and get rid of the laughter lines? Sorry to ask so many questions but I do fancy giving it a try.
Yours Hopefully
Dido's Pal
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However, I do hold some interest in this technique. For some time now, I have been pondering upon the benefits of branching out my services to include this novelty. Though the only device which I have to freeze people in at the moment is an ice tray, and so the only way in which to go about freezing people would be to chop them up into little cubes and then put them in my freezer. The only problem is, is that I might want to make a cocktail for myself and therefore end up drinking away a part of someones anatomy...
As for your other questions, well you would get no refunds if you're unhappy with your new frigid life style. This is because I would get some rest home biddy to rebuild you again like you were some jigsaw puzzle. So you might just end up property of a charity shop with a couple of pieces missing.
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Do your patients have the intention of going to the grave before or after they meet you?
I am still interested in going for the cryogenics but I'm not too sure about having pieces missing when some old biddy completes the jigsaw puzzle that is my body, especially by the ones who work in charity shops who seem to be a bit more scatty than the rest. I also object to having pieces of my anatomy floating around your body, that can't be very pleasant with all the drugs and alcohol in there.
If I were to pay a couple of million squid extra do you think you could invest in better equipment to make my death more comfortable? I have never been frigid before and I'm not sure I would adapt very well and to be brutally honest you don't seem to be doing much to put my mind at rest or do you just concentrate on putting bodies to rest and to hell with the mind?
Yours a bit worried
Dido's Pal
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