dammit. i was feeling good earlier this week. now it feels like things are falling apart again. my grandfather seems to be getting worse and now one of my friends--who just came out as trans--is feeling suicidal. and i feel helpless to do anything at all. i distract myself with the petty pieces of the world and don't get my homework done until ( Read more... )

i know i am consistantly a whiny little bitch in these posts and i don't like it. depression has taken over my brain and all i can think of is the extreme negative. a lot of bad has been happening to people close to me and i feel unable to cope with it. so i guess i stick with the things i can, well, cope might be a little strong, but not ( Read more... )

In high school i had a lot of friends. I always thought, though, college is the place i will meet my real friends, people with the same interests and beliefs. we'll be friends forever. it will be awesome ( Read more... )

so, according to most depression information, keeping a journal is a good idea. maybe it's how i stayed sane on this difficult summer. but i'm having trouble getting myself to write to just myself. and even if nobody reads this or cares, it feels like i'm still putting something of me out into the universe. even if it's a really negative, ( Read more... )

when i get into depression mode, which i admit is often, although not usually as bad as it is currently, i have to applaud myself on everything i get done even when it is no where near my goal of what i know i should be able to accomplish ( Read more... )

I feel like i'm going through a divorce, except we aren't talking about it. i feel like when you've devoted your life to somebody for ten years even if it isn't romantic when you break up it feels about as dramatic. feels like life wasted. wondering how you ever let it get that way ( Read more... )

i should write in this more; it would probably make me feel better ( Read more... )

i always think of interesting things to say when i am not in a situation to actually write it down. i'm pretty sure this is a common affliction. also, since almost no one reads this anymore i have been actually starting to write journal-y things for just myself once more. but i did think i would let whoever is out there know i am alive. i'll ( Read more... )

life is waaaay to hard right now. i am taking too many hard classes and having to avoid work to some degree and still not fitting in enough class stuff. the computer is too distracting right now. usually i can handle the back-and-forth between fun and work when i need to. but i just feel so far overwhelmed ( Read more... )

just a few days before her (and my) senior year at high school began, Jade ("jaje") Frota went into a coma. she died a few weeks later. she had cystic fibrosis. a mutation in the genes that causes clogging in the lungs, wrecks havoc on the immune system, and causes death before age thirty in just about everyone. many people die as children and ( Read more... )