i am sitting in my new apartment, not the zeta house ( Read more... )

my dad and rona got married on saturday. it was beautiful, perfect, blissful. only family, we gathered in a tight circle around them as my uncle pronounced them husband and wife in the backyard, facing the glistening lake. white tables covered in pink flowers popped up and we ate, drank, and were endlessly merry. ella fitzgerald, steely dan, and ( Read more... )

it's cold. im craving rest and contentment and all that is around me is dreary rhythm and ritual. the leaves which were so recently a bright, lucid green are changing, as if dipped in gold and orange by a skilled hand. likewise, the skies have been painted grey. pine needles crack underfoot as i slow poke to class, my sweet sundresses forgotten by ( Read more... )

the last two nights in a row, i've dreamt of nathan. last night's was particularly real. i was following him on a hike up a mountain. he was encouraging me and holding my hand. then, we reached the top, i found the prize, and he disappeared. now im awake and disoriented. i woke up and for a second thought he was still here, thought i could call him ( Read more... )

sometimes i wonder. i think about the people who really changed me. who effed me over bad, or who made me think in a different way, or who pushed me, whether positively or not. i think about the teachers, the peers, the past relationships, the old friends, who might not be physically in my life anymore, but who are embedded in me, written on my ( Read more... )

finals are over! all that lays before me now, after i pack up my life and move home, is an endless summer of sun, the lake, relaxing, family, and old friends. i need a rejuvenation.
i think i used to use this to sort out my thoughts. it doesnt really work anymore. i think life has gotten too complex.

it makes me physically ill to think about the future. next year, next semester, next month, tomorrow.

i dont like feeling convicted by those who have unconditionally accepted me in the past. i dont like feeling like i have to accomodate everyone and everything regardless of whether i agree with or understand the situations. i dont like worrying whether or not im liked. but i am and i do, and thats how it is. detroit rock shitty. i need a break from

its funny how you notice, days, months, even years down the road, how people you have known have affected you, your life, the way you act, how you approach situations, and how you treat people. i say over and over that i am different, unique, my own person, but in fact, i am a product of my environment. i am like an ongoing recipe. things that are ( Read more... )

sometimes i wonder. i wake up some days and i feel like i own the world. and i should. i have a beautiful life, and i know this everyday, but i dont feel this everyday. today for example. i am on spring break, with nothing but delightful days ahead of me. leisurely lunches, wild nights, mani/pedis, and a spa trip. but last night, as many nights ( Read more... )