GREETINGS FROM THE FEDERATION, PEOPLE OF EARTH [Action/AU week]

[pedaltothemetal]

[Despite the fact (or perhaps in spite of the fact) that most of the Academy seems to have gone completely crazy, Sunday dawns bright and clear, with hints of a warm spring wind against the melting snow. It is a fine day indeed.

A fine day to land your giant dong spaceship in the middle of the parking lot like a total douchenozzleSome might

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[Actione]

[n_objections]

[SO. AT APPROXIMATELY 0300 HOURS. Someone comes staggering into the parking lot looking for giant space dong. It's not here where did it go. GGghhnnnn she kind of stands around for a while, hoping she will find it, ambling in random directions until she gives up and brings a finger to her ear communicator. She misses the button the first two times but finally she gets it.]

...Colonel Falcon, this is Lieutenant Aran. Requesting location. Sir.

[colonel_falcon]

[Falcon has manged to move his space dong a whole 500 yards to the edge of the forest, where he has proceeded to cloak it and live in it like it's a space RV.

Despite his optimistic feelings from earlier in the day, Samus had quickly proven him wrong by not showing up at 2100 hours as he requested. He knew right away that he was not going to baby her by calling her and reminding her of their appointment, so he just let her not show up, waiting to see if she eventually would.

SHE DID. AT THREE AM.

Upon being woken up, he crawled out of bed and moved to the command console of the Flyer. He sounds very disgruntled.]

It's three in the morning, Lieutenant.

[But he uncloaks the ship anyway.]

[n_objections]

[She has been slowly wandering aimlessly in the same direction but stops when he responds. The ship uncloaks like, 1 foot away from her face. She gasps and stumbles backwards, gloriously falling on her butt.]

Ow... No it's not it's like... [clumsily getting to her feet] two. [It's three.]

[colonel_falcon]

[The hatch OPENS. Standing in the doorway is the esteemed Colonel whose hair is all messed up and he's in boxers and socks and he looks very displeased. He's pulled on a button down shirt to appear at least a little decent but come on it's not buttoned cuz it's like three in the morning.]

It's three.

[n_objections]

...

[...why is he wearing boxers and socks and an open button-down shirt. Why is she staring. STOP STARING.]

Samus, reporting for duty.

[colonel_falcon]

Let me ask you something, Samus.

[He goes back inside and leaves the hatch open, not necessarily to invite her in, but to put some pants on.]

Do you think I'm a joke? Did you think '2100 hours' was a suggestion?

[n_objections]

Noooo. [She, however, with her current inebriation and lack of inhibitions, takes that as a very open invitation to come in. You can probably smell the vodka as she enters. Instantly she is very distracted by the mystical insides of the space dong. It is a very nice vessel. Not as nice as hers but notably much more roomy.]

I was just. I had things come up, okay?

[colonel_falcon]

[The instant he smells the vodka he presses a button somewhere and out comes a panel that contains...A COFFEE MAKER.]

I'm sure they were very important. You're drunk.

[n_objections]

Yeah. I was becoming ashlima--aca-acclimated with my new room mate. Like you told me to.

[colonel_falcon]

I think my words were 'get registered and settle in'. I don't think I specified 'get drunk and miss your meeting with your superior'.

[n_objections]

I was getting [AIR QUOTES] settled in. [/AIR QUOTES.]

[colonel_falcon]

[He pours a cup of coffee. But it's not for you, sorry.]

I'll be completely honest. I felt good about this afternoon. I thought you were going to do the sensible thing and make it easy. If you wanted to stay out tonight, you should have just asked, and I'd have you report to me tomorrow. Do you usually blow off orders? Or is this a new thing.

[n_objections]

[Coffee nooooo.] Look I don't even know what you want me to dooooo at three o'clock in the morning. I should be SLEEPING but I came out to find YOU. I didn't blow off nnnnnothin'.

[colonel_falcon]

[NONE FOR YOUUUU]

I didn't want you to do anything at three in the morning. I wanted you to report to me at 2100 hours, which you deliberately did not do. It's your fault neither of us are sleeping.

[n_objections]

You're always late anyway you said it yourself.

[colonel_falcon]

[This is a vvveeery long sip of coffee that you can't have.]

Not by six hours.

Do you want to do it the hard way? Because I'll make you miserable if you want to do it the hard way.