"I think to be a well-rounded person, you have to experience good and bad, wonderful moments and pain. You need to meet people who have no exposure to kindness, who lack any opportunity and have no way out--like the homeless, the mentally ill--and you've got to learn empathy for them."

What a crazy busy fucked up weekend.

Weddings and cops and blue balls and screw ups and family.

Fuck all y'all, especially YOU, you fat bastard.

I miss simplicity.

Woke up at 9:30 this morning, 5 minutes before my alarm, and actually got out of bed. Cleaned up my room and started some laundry. Was up pretty late last night feeling creative and introspective and motivated. Last night I smoked for the first time in 34 days. Pretty good run I think, and I'm happy I made it as long as I did/ smoked last night. ( Read more... )

I'm such a flake.

I want/ am going to get better though.

Sorry everyone (even though most of whom this is addressed to won't read this).

Tonight a random stranger punched me in the face.

It was so surreal.

Today was a day of sleeping, mostly, of avoidance. I just get so tired... of being awake, of battling another day, of losing to distraction. Without a plan for the day I stumble along in a daze, barely functioning at all. Too lazy to get anything done or even eat. Too tired.

That's been my problem, always. Always too tired. Since I was a child, ( Read more... )

I look at my friends and they have become different people than I expected. We have become young Men, and Women. We're there. When did that happen?

Why do I feel like I'm on a path that wanders away from everybody else? Like there's a place that I know that I'm heading for. Nobody really gets it. It's so obvious to me, why can't I express it to ( Read more... )

I am coming to terms with the idea that some day I am going to die, and that most probably that will just be the end of me. That's ok. I think I can learn to accept that ( Read more... )

Tuesday December 02, 2008 my Uncle Orville committed suicide by taking a bunch of pills and tying a plastic bag over his head. Three days later my 17 year old cousin Mark killed himself by getting drunk and driving his car into a tree. A month after that my grandfather died of old age, alone but for the nurses at his "retirement home".

My ( Read more... )

Today wasn't a great day. Work was ok, as usual. I've been eating much healthier and I've noticed an improvement in my energy levels at work- but as soon as the day is over and we're heading home I crash. Come home, shower, and sleep for 3 or 4 hours. Eat some dinner and back to bed again. I feel like that's all I ever do- eat, sleep, work, and get ( Read more... )