Now that I'm very much not drinking and not taking Xanax and attempting to not live in some non-reality based fog, a lot of time opens up to think. I'm neither happy nor sad with my progress because I think that drugs and alcohol serve a purpose for those people wishing to check out. I am pleased that I'm having "windows of clarity" more frequently ( Read more... )

I have a person from my past, constantly resurfacing, with whom I've undergone some serious history. It is common for us to go on these tangents of sneaking about. One finds out the other is doing something which turns either person into a beast. Jealousy rising, we fight to win the upper hand ( Read more... )

Kacey ( Read more... )

I'm trying to take this long weekend. The original thought was to be productive but it ended up that I assumed a totally unproductive, reclusive, and totally indulgent attitude. I figure if I do nothing for a long enough time something will happen. Like today...I've been watching Spongebob Squarepants ALL DAY (and all last night for that matter and ( Read more... )

I didn't really do much of anything today. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I'm off of work. People say you should just relax on your off days and "recharge" so you'll be refreshed for work. The problem is that I have become, once again, a victim of my own fear and lack of confidence and spent the day in more of a work-fear paralysis than just ( Read more... )

I sure HATE zombie dreams. I had a dream that people in my old condo were changing into zombies and trying to kill me and my mom. I was trying to protect my cats and stuff. :(

Today was really rough. I don't mean it like... your usual shitty day at work. It was more of that feeling like the sky is falling down or the walls are closing in. I feel the suffocating inner pressure as a result of not accepting ( Read more... )

So tonight at 9:30pm I get a phonecall from Steve. He says something like, "How good of a friend are you?" and asks me to come get him because he ran out of gas and is stranded at Stoney Creek. Now... the last time I needed him to bail me out of the same situation I was about 1/2 mile away from his house. I now live in Hamtramck so that is like.. ( Read more... )

I don't know what I will do without you. :(

1. I've gained back nearly all the weight I lost. Feeling lonely, ashamed, ugly, and revolting, I no longer have any desire to dress nice, do my hair, or anything of that matter. It is the whole, "You can't polish a turd." mentality. I fully intend on going back to my better ways/days and having a great sendoff or should I say spendoff? Friday ( ( Read more... )