I wrote this sooooooo long ago.
Why, how, and more why do I feel the same way??

my specks

She lies in bed with me

Her silvery bones smooth against mine

She holds me to the sheets with her

Her hand is thin wire, and sharp, against my throat

She softens my hair to pearls spilling down my back

Her jealous mouth will kiss each one

She reflects me golden

Her ( Read more... )

Exercise addiction????

It seems weird to finally admit this. I've been denying it so long.

But I guess when I stopped "mega" restricting, coz I realized I couldn't "live" my life that way... I just began exercising more. And more.

To the point where I think my body is conditioned to it. I have to exercise a lot to even just maintain.
And on bad days ( Read more... )

AGHGHGHG! Fucking christ...
So. I dropped 3 pounds last week.
And as soon as Friday hit, I began panicking.
And had an ever so fucking lovely "binge weekend"... ooooooh thrills. :(

I'm afraid to weigh.
Maybe tomorrow. Maybe I'll even wait until Wednesday.
Doesn't matter either way... by the end of this week I need to drop at least 2 more pounds from ( Read more... )

I am so frustrated with myself ( Read more... )

morning everyone (at least it’s morning over here..), and I’m clacking away at my computer as quietly as possible so as to not wake the boyfriend..

i hope everyone is having a good day  :)

i think my day will be ok, now that I’ve had my morning cig, and am working on coffee number2, lol. plus, sunday is my cleaning day, which i love love love ( Read more... )

not enough sleep, too early, not enough beer yesterday either. but im scared of those little calories swimming around the pint and then taking their shot at me.... 116 lbs today... still absolutely disgusting, but at least the number is going down... this rate, 114 by friday... but but but i have to wear a bathing suit friday... argh! adn saturday ( Read more... )

ok, dig scale at walmart. could've been a million dollars, still had to have it... but so so so disappointing ( Read more... )

high.
so i think i might go for a walk instead of thinking of munching.
apple for lunch.
i've never been so in love with my disease. and nothing else.

well, i finished my morning workout, and now must must must go for a walk. must ( Read more... )

it's early. the sun disappeared on my first cigarette of the morning. it's cold.

i have to eat breakfast. i don't want to. high fibre cereal and some skim milk. black coffee. ih.

i have homework to do, a thesis to write. i'll prob work out all day instead. so it goes.