I never wanted your sacrifice, it was hardly in my predictions or expectations. And yet, here it is, thrown at me without predisposed knowledge. Perhaps it is a romantic thing to you, perhaps it makes you feel like a martyr, a saint.

Truth is, there is no grace in your sacrifice.

There is nothing to it for me, except more burdens I am forced to ( Read more... )

 I will always leave a backdoor for myself; this exit is necessary. 

Suddenly, this is sickening.
Suddenly, I don't want this. I don't want this at all. 

What a day. What a week. What a month.

What a year it has been.

Life goes on and fucking on.

At the end of this path, I don't want to struggle trying to hope. In the midst of this current craziness, I have obtained my next ticket out of here. Say, life isn't so bad.

It really goes on. I'll be okay.

We all will. 

I am afraid that all of this waiting is rendering me cold and bitter. I feel the relapse, and the subsequent collapse. So deep in my bones. So, so deep. 

And so it ends, even before it could truly begin. Even though the knowledge already saddled me, with its ugly, confronting, choking gravity, I allowed myself to be swept away by this unforgiving storm. Now that it is waning, into memories, into nothingness, I will not forget. Will I wait? What would waiting do for me in the long run? How much will ( Read more... )

Fuck you all who are hurting me now and pretending not to notice. Like 'sorry' ever made a fucking difference.

JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT TO MY FACE.

Fuck you, for thinking I'm cold and heartless. Just fuck you.

I wanna dance, dance, dance and then feel empty, empty, empty.

Will I survive this week's goodbye?

I don't really want to know what your reasons are. Just keep them to yourself. I actually enjoy this immediate silence. It's uplifting and it lets me breathe. I really, really, really don't care about the hows and whys and whats.

I have enough of trying to understand your reasons and your thoughts. 

I have destruction in my head that needs to clear out. I feel a certain fear of not being able to hold myself together strongly enough while I purge, and purge and purge.

The re-establishment of a meaningful context.

Can I see this through until the very end?

I am frightened.