Comments | perfectscar: Hi I'm new

cassiecain32120 in perfectscar

Hi I'm new

Aug 23, 2009 11:32

I've been a cutter for a little more than a year....I love how it feels when blood flows, it's like I am cleaning my veins from metaphorical poisons and washing away all impurities. I do it mostly to stop feeling so &^#$%^& numb and also this is weird but to focus/meditate & remember who I am....it also makes me feel strong when I do it, that I ( Read more... )

Comments 7

Helps slavetinymouse August 23 2009, 16:50:42 UTC

Dear cassiecain ( ... )

Part II of Helps slavetinymouse August 23 2009, 16:51:51 UTC

Scars remain forever ( ... )

Part III of Helps slavetinymouse August 23 2009, 16:52:13 UTC

Tips ( ... )

cassiecain32120 August 24 2009, 03:37:07 UTC

I don't want to stop. In the end a cut is just a cut. A scar is just a scar. No biggie. And if I don't give in to the urges, temptation and tension will spread and increase and next time i cut and explode i might end up going too deep and i don't want that to happen. Besides I like what it feels like.
On bad days I can't get up, no motivation, so cutting is how I deal.
On good days, when I feel that maybe there is actually a point to living, running, weight lifting, training kajukenbo and karate is how I deal.
I have both. I wouldn't want to get rid of either. It's just a part of me that I embrace. I do want to try to control how often and how much I cut, which lately has been a lot, but I never want to permanently stop. To allow myself to forget who I am would be naive and ignorant.

scarletaadi March 24 2011, 23:48:15 UTC

And I completely I agree to what you've just said.

cassiecain32120 August 24 2009, 03:39:55 UTC

And I do keep a diary actually. I do write, poetry and prose, it's my passion, that won't help me stop. And talking doesn't help. I have experience from when i was anorexic and it didn't, in the end i healed on my own, no therapist or friend can make me want to change, in the end it was all me. i know this is the same. i've only done cutting for a year. maybe 5 years down the road i'll want to stop. but right now I don't want to stop. I feel like I'll never want to stop.