We can't get out... we can't get out...

[perspicacious42]

I keep fluctuating among sadness, anxiety and apathy. I still have the ability to put on a good face at moments. I can get cognitively okay at times. And just think about something, and know that I would like it if I could feel pleasure right now. So that's at least something. I did start sleeping again, but it's a kind of depressed sleep

Comments

[aquariusvoyager]

It's kinda tough, I know what you're saying. When i'm like this I just want to hide, I think that no one is going to be interested, that perhaps people are tired of trying to stir me out of the pit. The best thing I ever did is ask for help, from people qualified to give it. I realised in the end that however much I tried to rationalise and analyse what I was going through, I was the worst person to be doing that. It takes someone else's point of view to show you which way to go sometimes...

Maybe that doesn't help at all, I don't know you well enough, but this post certainly said something to me. And as for angry, I got angry this morning, it revitalised me for sure. Glad you think along the same lines with that.

I dare you

[ajpu]

I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice, but I can relate to the desire to just FEEL something, anything... and the only thing that really helped me was the combination of reminding myself what I'm truly passionate about and taking risks to ignite those feelings. I think by risks I mean really putting yourself out there... um, because when I'm feeling stagnant, any movement towards my passion is considered progress even if the feeling I end up getting as a consequence is pain... I'm following my bliss.

So get up! Or else I'll come over with my softball bat and... well... taunt you.

[ajpu]

sorry. I'm feeling strange... but feel better dammit.

[hyarrostar]

disclaimer: I am in a rough spot, myself, and I've had a few beers

[perspicacious42]

Hmm... how to explain it without sounding insane. I guess I just think of how I feel on the inside, whether it be my inner-being, soul, whatever. And I always think of it like a star... almost literally. And when I feel great, it feels like a great shining star with tons of condensed mass, letting off tons of light. Meaning I have a lot of energy both for myself and to give to others. Makes it a lot easier to be social. When I feel the opposite, it feels like the star imploded/died so to speak. A dead collapsed body with little/no mass and no light anymore. People only want to be around me because they see the light from long ago that is still reaching them. But if they were to really see what's left, there really is not any energy there for me to give them. No light. No glowy. No substance. Worst case, it's a black hole. Negative mass. Will suck them in, suck out their light and leave them as empty as I am, assuming they get too close. That's all I meant by wanting to be massive and glowy, again, so that I had energy for myself, and

[ajpu]

how are you doing now?

[perspicacious42]

I'm mentally, psychologically balancing again. Feeling again. I did some things. I danced. I saw some people.

I finally went into the doctor. He wants me to take more rather than fewer drugs. I may abide until I start sleeping.

I don't know how I'm doing. I do feel, which is what I wanted. Not much anger. I have a lot of moments of happiness and excitement. I also feel really exhausted and bummed at moments, but they tend to pass. I'm starting to freak out about life. I think that's why I've been avoiding it.

Slowly but surely I'll come back. I think I just need to... let myself destruct a little bit more until... I can be done and get responsible again.