...that I had to pack my entire life up, and lost you trying to do it. You and I escaped from that loft where they were keeping us. You transmuted. We sat waiting for our turn to leave in a small dispatch room. You were getting over an awful sickness, but were single minded-about leaving. You had everything you wanted to take with you in one ( Read more... )

1. I don't look quite right in fleece ( Read more... )

NO, insecurity. FUCK no.

Time and space erode my confidence in sureties. It is one of my greatest failures. One I suspect I share with many others. BAD DEAL.

That's it. I'm giving my brain Harry Potter to chew on.

Weird things are happening. Like nightly writing. Staying awake way late to do unairconditioned things. Doubting the certainties. And wanting, as usual, to be swallowed up in other people's stories, real or not. (I see a new compelling character, and even a smidgen of desire and I want to jump into it, leaving my own narrative behind.) Passion and ( Read more... )

Warm sunny days and cool breezy evenings, guiltless, strapless, pantsless. Skies full of maple leaves, still bright green. Mint. Ice. Fruit. Beer. Tea. Breakfast. Hands. Quilt. Pages. Hair. Guitar strings.

I yearn.

Being home, I am, as usual, watching Hindi soaps (one in particular) and ODing on cheesy pseudo-romance. Except this time, watching The Big Love Confession scene, I actually shouted at my screen: "MAKE OUT! YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER." And then collapsed into mad cackling. Guess we know what's on my mind.

Sometimes, I forget how much I like to sweat. And then I come home, and remember again.

Damp backs and cotton
Pants. Hot tea in broad daylight.
The heat is in me.

This is just to record that May 2009 has been quite possibly the most emotionally tumultuous month of my life. I feel scrambled and revitalized and saved and am troubled by the realization that I have a better idea of how to deal with scarcity than excess. And by excess I mean in excess of expectations. I am familiar with worse. I know my way ( Read more... )

My "you" is muddled.

Apparently, I am now a Blazers fan. As in the Portland Trailblazers. As in the NBA. As in Basketball. I have now watched three games. Sort of. I've become INTERESTED. How did this happen ( Read more... )