"I felt happy.  Yes, I felt happy.  And then I wondered if maybe, it was time to give up the shoveling habit.  Do some writing for myself for a change.  Without the deadlines.  Something for myself.  Not a novel or anything.  But something for myself." - Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance ( Read more... )

I miss you so much that I feel as though everything inside me is swelling up fit to burst.  Every day I am trying to be normal; to remember you as positively as I can... It's just so indescribably hard to do this, to deal with this. People say that time heals, but somehow it seems that with each passing moment it gets more difficult to come to ( Read more... )

My heart hurts so much.

Today/is would have been your twenty-sixth birthday, Alex.  Mum and John have gone to the cemetery to see you, along with Papa and Mario.  So I am here, at home, alone, left to look after the dogs.  Somehow it seems better this way; I can think of you in my own time and feel your presence in my little heart.  I will go to your graveside soon, but I ( Read more... )

You.  I miss being in Paris with you, wrapped up in your love and wandering aimlessly all over.  Only it wasn't really aimless, because somewhere along the line there was a purpose.  It didn't really matter that we weren't always sure how to get there, or even what we were looking for.  The point was that we were content with each other's company; ( Read more... )

On Monday Alex and I are going to Paris (:  Somehow I don't feel excited, but there's a part of me that never really gets excited for things until they are actually in full motion.  I have missed France and speaking French, so I hope this little break meets my expectations.  At the very least it will be so delicious just to get away from everybody ( Read more... )

I'm fucking irritated.  I know why, and I know that I shouldn't be; I know that it's unreasonable.  I guess I've been less like this lately, maybe because the tablets help or maybe because I'm getting over things.  Maybe both, even.  Let's hope that the latter plays the bigger part if that's the case.  I've put some cream on my feet and a mask on ( Read more... )

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear ( Read more... )

I'm sick of taking tablets, it's gotten to the point where I don't feel like anything will fix this.  Instead of crying all the time I feel like I'm about to cry, but I can't let it out - it gets lodged in my throat and sticks there (I imagine it is what it would feel like to have a rosy apple suspended in my oesophagus).  My family care, but aren' ( Read more... )

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