why am i attracted to men who are not attracted to me. It seems like such a horrible flaw to have. 

that will suck but it is very possible. 

so this was good. I went to ross' lasat night to give him mediocre granola bars. He seemed to think they were okay, but while I thought I was just dropping them off, I ended up staying awhile. The advantage of that was I got to see him guard down and this version of him was a hell of a lot less appealing. It was grumpy and sort of body obsessed. I ( Read more... )

so like daniel wins?

also lucas?

I hate them all

I want Ross to like me.

I want to hear back from nigel

I have no idea why I wrote to nigel. that was dumb.

i wished NIgel happy birthday. I don't know why but at some level in my heart I fear he is having a breakdown and want to reach out to him. Anotehr part of me thinks he is probably happy with Ingrid. He won't respond to me. But maybe he will. Either way, I reached out. I sent an email with the subject happy birthday and left it at that. There is no ( Read more... )

for me.

don't spend time with people who make you feel bad.

end of story.

if someone makes me feel bad I don't need to contact them, speak to them, or have anything to do with them.

And that is that.

do you miss me NIgel?

I miss you.

I never met anyone I loved as much as you.

In fact, I never met anyone I loved since.

tried to get him to make a plan... and instead I'm just picking up dim sum after yoga with no plan :/

Let's face it, I need to figure something else out to do with life.

I am listening to this song over and over and over again because I am fucking obsessed with this guy who doesn't give a fuck about me.

Ugh.

horrible. really.

i really fucking do. i wonder if you ever saw this.

It's another date where I come home with my heart feeling cracked open.

I'm angry that you sent me into this life.

I'd have stuck with you even though you were a plane crashing

I'm so dumb.

I'm so mad at myself for being stuck on the past.

I'm so mad at myself for not feeling the feels for so ( Read more... )