So it's a new year and things are more or less the same with me. I feel like crap most of the time from my joints. Just sucks walking. I have to go into the city on wednesday for a breathing test related to my 9/11 exposure. I think I'm more or less healthy, but this is just to get checked out for down the road because who knows what toxins were in ( Read more... )

I've been in a funk since my mother's death. I guess it's to be expected, but it's made the anhedonia worse where I just don't want to do anything. I have sparks of creation, but I do nothing with them. Plus to make matters worse, my body feels like it's falling apart in the literal sense. I dont know if it's just because I havent been to the gym ( Read more... )

Time is fast but it's also slow. It's a month now since my mother passed away. It seems like longer because she was gone for the month before hand. I still expect to see her in the house. Her insulin is still in the refrigerator. I guess there's a finality (is that a word?) to everything. The tombstone is in the process of being made right now. I ( Read more... )

So yesterday we said goodbye to my mother with her funeral and burial. It went well...well as well as a funeral can go. The wake was good as a few family members I didn't think we show up did show up.

The morning of the funeral I had this dream that I was at the funeral and I was live streaming it on facebook. There was a huge crowd of mourners and ( Read more... )

I saw my mother on Saturday for the first time in almost a month. She was finally out of an isolation room and in a regular one in the hospital. I don't know if she knew I was there (due to the sedatives and stuff) but a couple of times I think she looked at me for the brief moment her eyes were open.

I was planning on going to see her yesterday on ( Read more... )

So my mother still is in the hospital. Almost a month right now. Tomorrow should be a big day because we will see if she can come off the ventilator. If she can come off and her vitals are good, that would be a good sign. But if her vitals arent good, they said the next logical step is a tracheotomy. My father is iffy on having that done (as am I ( Read more... )

It's been a while since I posted anything. I opened up a blog on the other site that everyone migrated over to. But of course in typical me fashion I don't use it. It's not like I dont have things to say. I just tend to bottle everything up. Saving it all for a rainy day breakdown in the future perhaps.

Things have not been good here. For starters ( Read more... )

I don't know if anyone actually reads this or cares, but here is what's been going on with me lately.

I recently got diagnosed with ADHD which explains so much about me for pretty much my entire life in school. According to my therapist, I skated under the line between disruptive in class and just doing well enough that there weren't any real ( Read more... )

So I went to the doctor yesterday for a quick physical. I was being evaluated for another med and things should be good to go if i can get the all clear on that.

I weighed myself and I was expecting the worst but was pleasantly surprised that I haven't gained a whole lot of weight. That's always been my problem. I maintain the weight I'm at. Don't ( Read more... )

I'm working on a project that i'm somewhat exited about. I havent written anything of substance in a long time. Blame it on the depression, being lazy, whatever. It's just been far too long since I had something I could chisel so to speak. It's going to be a rough draft when it's done, but I'm hoping with the way I write it will be a long one.

All ( Read more... )