Forever & Ever 5
Title: Forever & Ever (Miseinen Sequel)
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2
It was freezing cold the following day. Aoi standing in an alley, tried his best not to look bothered by the weather. The trick he was waiting for finally came out of the office building he was working from, letting the side door carelessly slam behind him. He was a middle-aged man, a little taller than Aoi. He wore a relatively nice suit and had a gold, expensive pen in his suit pocket.
When he saw him this morning, waiting on the platform, Aoi could tell that he had been checking him out, looking up at him every other minute. Noticing that he seemed the type that had a bit of money, Aoi approached him first, casually making small talk with him. “Can’t wait until the weather warms up,” he had said. The man was evidently pleased with his efforts and after a long chat on the platform, he turned and whispering a location and time for Aoi, offered him money.
Aoi had smiled more to himself than to him. He was a pro at this. “See you there,” he winked as he watched the man board his train.
“Wow, you showed,” the trick sad with a smirk.
“Of course,” he smiled. “It’s not every day I meet a well off, handsome man,” he winked.
“You do this professionally, don’t you?” the guy asked, checking his cell phone really quickly before shoving it back in his suit. “This way,” he said pointing down an alley.
“Where we going?” Aoi asked.
“A hotel,” he answered looking at Aoi up and down quickly. “Aren’t you cold?”
“A bit,” he smiled. “So, is this what you normally do on your lunch breaks?” Aoi joked.
“What? Eat boys?” the trick laughed.
“Well, do you?”
“Only when they look good enough to eat,” the man said. He was really forward, Aoi noticed. One of those carnivore male types. From what Aoi could surmise, he was probably really successful because of it. Even Aoi, who dealt with all sorts of people felt a bit intimidated by him. Aoi even had to speed up in order to keep up with the man’s rapid steps.
Turning into what seemed like a small alley, they actually happened upon a small street with several hotels.
“Whoa, wasn’t expecting this,” Aoi laughed.
“These people know how to run a business,” the trick smiled. “Kinda creepy if you ask me,” he added.
“Funny since we are going there.”
“Yeah, but I am like everyone else; I think I am different,” he said with a laugh at his contradictory statement.
They walked into one of the hotels, a really shabby one that had no windows. The trick paid for the room, handing money to the person sitting behind the frosted glass. Aoi always did find it creepy, the way you could rent out a room without even looking at a person. Getting, his key, the trick turned to Aoi and said perkily “Let’s go!” and dangled the keys in front of him.
The room was uglier than hell but Aoi had seen the worst of them. This one had half naked geishas painted across the walls and one of those X like things that people could be tied up to. The bed was extremely large and there was a constant red light that spun around on the ceiling. Since there was absolutely no natural light in the place, it seemed like they walked into a place that existed outside of time.
“Get naked,” the trick said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.
Aoi smiled and doing as he was told, started getting undressed.
“Faster. I don’t need any sexy shit,” he said.
Aoi removed all of his clothes and stood there, stark naked with the red light flooding across his pale skin.
“Beautiful,” the trick said as he took a long drag. He walked over to Aoi and grabbing his hand, stuck his fingers into his mouth. His extended the wet organ of his tongue like snake and dragged it across Aoi’s knuckles. “Can I kiss you?” he asked.
“Depends how much you are going to pay me?” he smiled.
“Hm…if I pay you a lot, can I do what I want?”
“Like?”
“Sucking, fucking, kissing…nothing too violent. I’m not a freak,” he laughed.
“Kissing costs the most,” Aoi said with a forced smile. He rarely kissed tricks. He’d much rather suck their dick.
“20,000 yen?”
“25,000,” Aoi countered.
“Deal,” the trick said, grabbing him and shoving his tongue down his throat. Aoi at first was terribly shocked. But, then he started kissing the man furiously back. The trick moaned happily and then backing up and dragging Aoi along he undid his pants and sitting down on the bed, pulled himself out. Aoi without needing to be told, got down on his knees.
***
“KAIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Ruki said running into a hug.
Kai giggled happily. Last night at the Blue Ribbon, Aoi told him he could find Ruki at this one girl’s place-a friend he had met at a livehouse. So, dialing up the number last night, they planned to meet the next morning.
Squeezing his small friend, he spun him around. “RUKIIIIIIII!” he laughed.
“How are you?” Ruki looked up at him.
“Great! How are you?”
“Homeless,” he laughed. “Bandless too at the moment.”
“Aoi told me that you and Uruha and him were planning on making a band together.”
“Yeah. We need a drummer…” he pushed him repeatedly, suggesting cutely that Kai join their band.
“Awww I’m in already in a band,” he cringed and smiled.
“What band?”
“Lie:death,” he said with a nod.
“OH! You guys are doing well I hear!” Ruki smiled happily. “That sucks for us though,” he giggled.
“Don’t say that!” Kai whined.
“I would invite you inside but that might be awkward…” Ruki bit his bottom lip.
“We can head on over to my place. Hey, you should stay with me. I mean, that sounds really sudden and all and I know we haven’t seen each other in years but I know my mom wouldn’t mind having you around,” he laughed at the ridiculousness of his own words.
“Really? I don’t know…” he pursed his lips.
“Hey, you won’t know until you come over,” he tasseled Ruki’s hair. “Err…Want to go get something to eat? I mean its weird just standing around out here…”
“Ahh…” Ruki turned around and looked at his friend’s house. “Hold on. I’m going to grab my things and then we can head over to your place.”
When he came out with one bag stuffed to the brim with clothes, the two of them headed toward the train, immersed in endless conversation.
“Oh!” Kai said. “Hey, I met up with Kawai last night too. He said that Mr. Fuwa is living in Tokyo.”
Ruki stopped where he was and looked up at Kai. “What?”
“Fuwa. He lives in Tokyo…Er…Um… but…”
“But what?”
“Isao is sick so,” Kai felt awkward relaying this information. He didn’t really feel like it was his place.
“Oh,” Ruki looked down. He didn’t know how to take what Kai just told him. For some reason, his mind just went blank.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Ruki nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
***
The trick, satisfied, lit a cigarette. Both of them were lying in bed in naked.
“What time is it?” Aoi asked, lifting himself up on his elbows and taking the cigarette from the man’s hand, remembering that soon he was supposed to see Uruha.
“It’s going on 1,” the trick answered, looking at his watch that he had placed on the end table.
Aoi not wasting any more time, quickly got to his feet and started dressing. “Shit,” he said handing the cigarette back to the trick.
“What’s the rush?”
“I am supposed to meet up with a friend,” he explained as he buttoned up his pants.
“A friend? Like a girlfriend?”
“No, just some guy that I am friends with.”
“Is he young and sexy like you?” the trick laughed, taking a drag from his cigarette.
“He is actually,” Aoi started putting his shoes on. “But you can’t have him.”
“Let him know if he needs some money…”
“I think I rather break your neck first,” Aoi said, standing up.
“WHOA!” the man laughed as he sat up. “You sound like you likey like him.”
“It’s not that I like him…” Aoi said, pausing.
“It isn’t?” the trick, picking up his wallet started pealing out the bills to pay him.
“He’s just…well, he’s too good for this shit.”
“Too good!” the guy must have thought that hilarious because he slapped his naked thigh as he laughed.
Aoi turned and glared at him.
“Here’s your money, beautiful,” he said handing it to him. “Why aren’t you too good?” he asked with seriousness. “What makes him better than you?”
“Everything.”
“Well, if it means anything to you-which it probably doesn’t,” the trick said getting to his feet and picking up his clothes to get dressed. “I think you are worth more than you give yourself credit for.”
“Well, I’m corroded and Uruha is still pure so…” Aoi stared down blankly at the money. Normally, he would count it but he trusted this guy not to jip him for some reason.
“Uruha? What kind of name is that?” he asked looking over his shoulder, buttoning up his pants. The red light above him danced on the skin of his naked back.
“It’s a nickname.”
“I see…what does it mean?”
Aoi was reluctant to answer. “Beautiful.”
“Is he?”
“Beautiful?”
“Yeah? Is he?” the trick turned around and handing Aoi the cigarette put his shirt on.
“Yeah,” Aoi nodded.
“So…you don’t like him?” the man asked, confused.
“We used to be together a long time ago…doesn’t matter though…we were kids…so,” he shrugged.
“Were? You still are a kid.”
“I’m 23!” Aoi laughed.
“You’d be surprised. When you get to be my age, you’ll look back and realize you were still a kid.”
“Right,” Aoi smiled.
“Well, maybe I’ll see you around Uruha’s boyfriend,” the trick looked at his phone. He had to be back at work soon.
“EH?! Don’t call me that,” he whined, suppressing a smile. “I should get going anyway…”
“Yup, hey, come here,” the man said, gesturing for Aoi to come closer.
Reluctantly, he obeyed. When he approached him, the trick grabbing the back of his neck, pulled him close and slipped something in his pocket.
“Look at me,” he whispered in his ear. Making eye contact, the trick looked at his face for several moments before pulling him into a deep kiss.
***
On the train ride to Uruha’s house, Aoi stared at the ring the trick had slipped into his pocket. It was silver and in the center was a beautiful diamond. Rolling it between his finger and his thumb, he admired the light as it filtered through the rock.
He couldn’t figure out why the man would give him something of this value. They didn’t exchange names or contact information. It wasn’t as if by giving him this expensive gift, that he’d in some way be contracted out as his personal hustler. At least, that’s what Aoi thought was the general protocol for a man and his kept boy.
Getting off the train and walking up the long stairwell to the 3rd floor where Uruha and his sister’s apartment was, Aoi knocked feeling guilty that he was late. Quickly, the door swung open and Uruha was standing there, wearing a black tank top and ripped up, straight legged jeans. He actually didn’t look too bad.
“Heyyy,” Aoi smiled apologetically. “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay,” Uruha said, not revealing if he was upset or not. “Come in,” he stepped aside and watched Aoi walk into the apartment and take his shoes off. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Beer? Or is it too early?” Aoi laughed, uncomfortably.
Uruha pouting his bottom lip, shook his head no and went to go get them two bottles.
“So, where do you want to play?”
“The living room,” Uruha answered.
Aoi nodding, took a deep breath and looked around.
Uruha entered the living room and handing Aoi his beer asked him “How are you?”
“Good,” he lied. “You?”
“Okay. There isn’t anything in the house to eat. Just cake. If you want cake.”
“Cake?” Aoi smiled. “Was it big sis’ birthday?”
“No, 3 month anniversary.”
“You and…” Aoi couldn’t remember her name.
“Seiko.”
“Congratulations~” This conversation was becoming overbearingly awkward and uncomfortable.
“So?”
“Huh?!”
Uruha tilted his head. “Do you want cake?”
“No,” he smiled.
“You didn’t bring your guitar…” Uruha said looking at Aoi’s body as if to confirm it.
“Um…No… I forgot,” he laughed, feeling like an idiot.
“That’s okay. You can play one of mine,” he said going into his room and quickly coming back with two guitars, one a brown guitar and the other a dark blue one. Aoi taking the blue one, sat down on the couch. Uruha, pulling out a small tuner from his pocket, sat down and started tuning.
“Oh…” Aoi laughed. “I forgot to tell you but I ran into Kai.”
Uruha quickly looked up. “Really?” his expression became really soft suddenly.
“Yeah, he’s in a band already though.”
“Oh…” he looked down. “Drums?”
“Yup,” Aoi took a long drink of his beer.
“How is he?” Uruha looked back up.
“He is great,” Aoi smiled, finally feeling comfortable. It was nice to talk about Kai. Kai was good. Kai seemed happy and healthy. He was something they both could feel good about.
Uruha smiled his baby smile. “The four of us should meet up and hang out,” he nodded.
“Yeah. All were missing is Rei Rei.”
“We’ll find him.”
“You are so optimistic,” Aoi laughed.
Uruha didn’t respond to that, he let his eyes fall to the side as he thought about it. It seemed as if they were destined to see one another again, the five of them. “We should play something,” he suggested to Aoi.
“Uh…sure,” he smiled. “Whatcha want to play?”
“I wrote a couple of phrases. It requires two guitars.”
“Okay,” Aoi nodded.
“Can you do this?” Uruha said, demonstrating a certain kind of upward strum. Aoi had never seen it before. He watched Uruha’s hand with a furrowed brow, trying to figure out what exactly he was doing with his wrist. “Try it and I’ll teach you,” he said.
Aoi making his first attempt at it, failed miserably. Uruha did it again and Aoi tried it. He made a little bit of progress. Again, Uruha showed him once more. And with the patience of a saint, Uruha kept doing it until Aoi was almost there.
“Here, angle your wrist like this,” Uruha said, reaching over grabbing Aoi strumming hand with both of his own, and shifted the direction of his hand. Feeling his hands envelop his own, Aoi’s chest tightened. “There,” Uruha said. “Try it.”
Aoi trying it once more was able to do it. “How was that?” he asked with a grin.
“Good,” he looked up into Aoi’s eyes and smiled his baby smile. “Once more,” he asked, letting his gaze drop back to Aoi’s hand gripping the pick, his large prominent knuckles and the protruding veins. His hands were very masculine.
Almost mindless as he watched Aoi play, Uruha lifted up his own hand. He reached over and danced the tips of his fingers along Aoi’s knuckles.
Aoi immediately stopped playing. He stared at Uruha’s face intently watching his hand. Feeling Uruha, move his fingers up and down the tender valley between his knuckles, he looked down at his hand. Uruha stroked him so gently that for a moment, Aoi was completely breathless. The gesture was so innocent-Uruha merely saw his hand and wanting to touch him, touched him, giving into his urges to run his fingers along him. The thought of that innocence caused Aoi to reflect on himself, on his own lack of innocence, at where he just was and all the things he did with that stranger for money. Looking down at his own hand being innocently caressed, the image of the trick licking his hand came back to him. God, I didn’t wash myself, he realized. Uruha was touching his filthy skin.
And almost as if he were poison himself, Aoi snatched his hand away breaking the daze Uruha had fallen into. Turning away, Uruha blushed. At first he didn’t realize what he was doing but the longer he touched him and the longer that Aoi let his fingers linger there, the more he gave himself over to the feelings inside of him. The sensation of Aoi’s skin against his, the intimacy of it, sent flutters of tenderness throughout him. He didn’t bother to wonder if it was the product of memory, of his former romance or the product of what was his inevitable attraction to him. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. He wanted to touch him so, he touched him. But there was nothing he could do if Aoi didn’t want him to. So, he looked away rejected and ashamed of his actions.
Overcome with tenderness toward Aoi and fear and shame, he had the sensation of being a child again. He felt like the Uruha of that summer so long ago. He thought that he hated being that boy, that boy that was weak and vulnerable but he realized then that Uruha felt more alive, that Uruha saw the world differently... Was it that weak boy, he wondered or was that the Aoi’s Uruha? Even though he was embarrassed, the surge of energy that came to him at the realization that he felt more alive mingled with his tenderness for Aoi flooded over him and he felt strangely empowered.
He lifted eyes up to Aoi’s face. His lashes fanned around their feline shape and if the look in them wasn’t of need; his eyes would appear instead sultry and mischievous. “Aoi,” he said and reached out to grab his hand.
Aoi jumped to his feet and quickly placing the guitar down on the couch, said “I’m going to go.”
“Wait,” Uruha stood up.
“Look, I’m tired and I’m having a bad day,” he lied and headed toward the door.
“I’m sorry,” he ran up to him and grabbed his arm tightly. “Please don’t go.”
Aoi turned around and glared at him, his eyes shining with a mixture of anger and sorrow.
“Why did it anger you so much?” he asked innocently.
“I thought you said friends, Uruha,” he turned away and started putting his shoes on.
“I know…I’m sorry…Let’s go back to playing…”
Aoi was so tired, he felt as if his bones were going to ache themselves into jelly. “No. I’m exhausted and things are awkward now.”
“Look at me,” Uruha said firmly.
He was too surprised by his tone not to. “What?” he asked with irritation.
Uruha didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t planning anything but when Aoi turned around, his black eyes wet, Uruha felt overwhelmed. “Can I kiss you?” he asked like a child.
“What?!” Aoi was infuriated.
“Why are you so mad?”
“Why would you even ask that?” he gritted his teeth.
“…I don’t know…” he looked away. Aoi couldn’t stay mad at him long. There was something about Uruha’s manner that was even more submissive than usual.
“Uruha…” he said softly looking away, feeling bad that he yelled at him. But his gentleness was not repaid, Uruha, obeying his impulses went in to kiss him without Aoi even being aware. Feeling his lips graze against his, Aoi aware of the fact that his lips had just been on that man’s cock, quickly pushed Uruha away. “Stop!”
“I’m sorry,” Uruha lied. He merely said it to calm him down.
Aoi rubbed his face agitated. Why are you still here? He said to himself. “Look, Uruha. Don’t touch me.”
“Why not?”
“Why not?!”
Uruha stared at him, not saying a word as he waited for him to explain.
Aoi watched him. Suddenly, the fact that Uruha had tried to be intimate with him, had tried to kiss him, had touched his hands so gently and gingerly hit him like blow to the chest. He was at a lost for words, for thoughts. He felt like a man going through an identity crisis. He wasn’t supposed to be given this choice. It was dead. He had come to terms with that and now, he couldn’t go back. What would that mean to go back? The fear that everything he had left inside of him was at risk crept up into his chest.
“Uruha…listen to me,” he said walking toward him. “Don’t touch me.”
“Please tell me why. Am I disgusting?” Uruha asked. The way Aoi recoiled away from him was as if he was, the way he snatched his hand away or pushed Uruha back, acting as if by mere contact, he would catch something.
“What?!” Aoi was aghast. “I’m the disgusting one,” he pointed at himself. “I just came back from fucking some trick in a love hotel.”
Uruha’s eyed widened. He stood up straight.
“I’m a fucking whore if you forgot,” he enunciated at him.
“You still do that?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Aoi gritted his teeth. “It’s in my genetic makeup,” he said bitterly.
“But…”
“But what?”
“Why?” Uruha couldn’t understand.
“Because it’s fast and easy and apparently, I don’t mind sticking some stranger’s cock in my mouth,” he said, grossed out by himself. “Someone is going to do it, right?” He felt strange chills crawl up his arms and spine. “I guess the worst part is I enjoy it sometimes,” he looked everywhere but Uruha’s face.
“But…”
“Don’t worry, I’m getting my disgusting ass out of here,” he turned around. Again, Uruha grabbed his arm and prevented him from going. Aoi tried to push him off. Uruha however moved in front of him and pressed his back against the door, preventing him from leaving. “What?” Aoi said, feeling winded. Don’t do this, Uruha, he said to himself.
“Please don’t sell yourself anymore,” he asked sweetly. “Please.”
“Why?”
“Because…” he didn’t know why. He looked around, searching inside himself for the reason.
Aoi watching his beautiful face, felt something squeeze at his heart and mingled with his self-hate, he felt as if he were going to corrode from the inside out, accelerated by the exhilarating feeling of what felt like his old love for him.
“How long have you been…” Uruha mumbled.
“You know how long.”
“You never stopped…”
“Not really…why?” Aoi asked frustrated.
“But you were mine,” he looked up at him, upset. “I thought you said you were mine.”
“Well, I’m not anymore so fuck it, right?”
“It’s disgusting,” Uruha said as he realized that all sorts of people were touching him, fondling him, fucking him. Images of nondescript men doing things to him flooded his brain as if his own mind was trying to torture him.
“I know,” Aoi said, his tone almost unreadable.
“You let them touch you but not me.”
Aoi couldn’t believe this was happening. It didn’t make any sense. Where did this come from? Why was he doing this? Why? It was dead. It was in the past. It was over. He wished he never saw him again. That way, he could remember him and think of when he was happy and beautiful but now, Uruha served to throw back in his face all the things he had become. The more Uruha tried to regain something of their former relationship, the more the memory loss. He felt ugly all the time and being with the one person that in his mind, had symbolized the last thing in him that he had kept pure, was like a mirror to his current self, revealing to him all the holes left behind from the parts of himself he had sold.
“Well, they pay me. You just annoy me,” Aoi said as he violently shoved Uruha out of the way and walked out the door. “Follow me,” he shouted. “And I will throw you down the stairs and this time, I’m not going to catch you.”
[A/N I'm so sorry this is late. I was extremely busy yesterday. >.<]
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2
It was freezing cold the following day. Aoi standing in an alley, tried his best not to look bothered by the weather. The trick he was waiting for finally came out of the office building he was working from, letting the side door carelessly slam behind him. He was a middle-aged man, a little taller than Aoi. He wore a relatively nice suit and had a gold, expensive pen in his suit pocket.
When he saw him this morning, waiting on the platform, Aoi could tell that he had been checking him out, looking up at him every other minute. Noticing that he seemed the type that had a bit of money, Aoi approached him first, casually making small talk with him. “Can’t wait until the weather warms up,” he had said. The man was evidently pleased with his efforts and after a long chat on the platform, he turned and whispering a location and time for Aoi, offered him money.
Aoi had smiled more to himself than to him. He was a pro at this. “See you there,” he winked as he watched the man board his train.
“Wow, you showed,” the trick sad with a smirk.
“Of course,” he smiled. “It’s not every day I meet a well off, handsome man,” he winked.
“You do this professionally, don’t you?” the guy asked, checking his cell phone really quickly before shoving it back in his suit. “This way,” he said pointing down an alley.
“Where we going?” Aoi asked.
“A hotel,” he answered looking at Aoi up and down quickly. “Aren’t you cold?”
“A bit,” he smiled. “So, is this what you normally do on your lunch breaks?” Aoi joked.
“What? Eat boys?” the trick laughed.
“Well, do you?”
“Only when they look good enough to eat,” the man said. He was really forward, Aoi noticed. One of those carnivore male types. From what Aoi could surmise, he was probably really successful because of it. Even Aoi, who dealt with all sorts of people felt a bit intimidated by him. Aoi even had to speed up in order to keep up with the man’s rapid steps.
Turning into what seemed like a small alley, they actually happened upon a small street with several hotels.
“Whoa, wasn’t expecting this,” Aoi laughed.
“These people know how to run a business,” the trick smiled. “Kinda creepy if you ask me,” he added.
“Funny since we are going there.”
“Yeah, but I am like everyone else; I think I am different,” he said with a laugh at his contradictory statement.
They walked into one of the hotels, a really shabby one that had no windows. The trick paid for the room, handing money to the person sitting behind the frosted glass. Aoi always did find it creepy, the way you could rent out a room without even looking at a person. Getting, his key, the trick turned to Aoi and said perkily “Let’s go!” and dangled the keys in front of him.
The room was uglier than hell but Aoi had seen the worst of them. This one had half naked geishas painted across the walls and one of those X like things that people could be tied up to. The bed was extremely large and there was a constant red light that spun around on the ceiling. Since there was absolutely no natural light in the place, it seemed like they walked into a place that existed outside of time.
“Get naked,” the trick said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.
Aoi smiled and doing as he was told, started getting undressed.
“Faster. I don’t need any sexy shit,” he said.
Aoi removed all of his clothes and stood there, stark naked with the red light flooding across his pale skin.
“Beautiful,” the trick said as he took a long drag. He walked over to Aoi and grabbing his hand, stuck his fingers into his mouth. His extended the wet organ of his tongue like snake and dragged it across Aoi’s knuckles. “Can I kiss you?” he asked.
“Depends how much you are going to pay me?” he smiled.
“Hm…if I pay you a lot, can I do what I want?”
“Like?”
“Sucking, fucking, kissing…nothing too violent. I’m not a freak,” he laughed.
“Kissing costs the most,” Aoi said with a forced smile. He rarely kissed tricks. He’d much rather suck their dick.
“20,000 yen?”
“25,000,” Aoi countered.
“Deal,” the trick said, grabbing him and shoving his tongue down his throat. Aoi at first was terribly shocked. But, then he started kissing the man furiously back. The trick moaned happily and then backing up and dragging Aoi along he undid his pants and sitting down on the bed, pulled himself out. Aoi without needing to be told, got down on his knees.
***
“KAIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Ruki said running into a hug.
Kai giggled happily. Last night at the Blue Ribbon, Aoi told him he could find Ruki at this one girl’s place-a friend he had met at a livehouse. So, dialing up the number last night, they planned to meet the next morning.
Squeezing his small friend, he spun him around. “RUKIIIIIIII!” he laughed.
“How are you?” Ruki looked up at him.
“Great! How are you?”
“Homeless,” he laughed. “Bandless too at the moment.”
“Aoi told me that you and Uruha and him were planning on making a band together.”
“Yeah. We need a drummer…” he pushed him repeatedly, suggesting cutely that Kai join their band.
“Awww I’m in already in a band,” he cringed and smiled.
“What band?”
“Lie:death,” he said with a nod.
“OH! You guys are doing well I hear!” Ruki smiled happily. “That sucks for us though,” he giggled.
“Don’t say that!” Kai whined.
“I would invite you inside but that might be awkward…” Ruki bit his bottom lip.
“We can head on over to my place. Hey, you should stay with me. I mean, that sounds really sudden and all and I know we haven’t seen each other in years but I know my mom wouldn’t mind having you around,” he laughed at the ridiculousness of his own words.
“Really? I don’t know…” he pursed his lips.
“Hey, you won’t know until you come over,” he tasseled Ruki’s hair. “Err…Want to go get something to eat? I mean its weird just standing around out here…”
“Ahh…” Ruki turned around and looked at his friend’s house. “Hold on. I’m going to grab my things and then we can head over to your place.”
When he came out with one bag stuffed to the brim with clothes, the two of them headed toward the train, immersed in endless conversation.
“Oh!” Kai said. “Hey, I met up with Kawai last night too. He said that Mr. Fuwa is living in Tokyo.”
Ruki stopped where he was and looked up at Kai. “What?”
“Fuwa. He lives in Tokyo…Er…Um… but…”
“But what?”
“Isao is sick so,” Kai felt awkward relaying this information. He didn’t really feel like it was his place.
“Oh,” Ruki looked down. He didn’t know how to take what Kai just told him. For some reason, his mind just went blank.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Ruki nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
***
The trick, satisfied, lit a cigarette. Both of them were lying in bed in naked.
“What time is it?” Aoi asked, lifting himself up on his elbows and taking the cigarette from the man’s hand, remembering that soon he was supposed to see Uruha.
“It’s going on 1,” the trick answered, looking at his watch that he had placed on the end table.
Aoi not wasting any more time, quickly got to his feet and started dressing. “Shit,” he said handing the cigarette back to the trick.
“What’s the rush?”
“I am supposed to meet up with a friend,” he explained as he buttoned up his pants.
“A friend? Like a girlfriend?”
“No, just some guy that I am friends with.”
“Is he young and sexy like you?” the trick laughed, taking a drag from his cigarette.
“He is actually,” Aoi started putting his shoes on. “But you can’t have him.”
“Let him know if he needs some money…”
“I think I rather break your neck first,” Aoi said, standing up.
“WHOA!” the man laughed as he sat up. “You sound like you likey like him.”
“It’s not that I like him…” Aoi said, pausing.
“It isn’t?” the trick, picking up his wallet started pealing out the bills to pay him.
“He’s just…well, he’s too good for this shit.”
“Too good!” the guy must have thought that hilarious because he slapped his naked thigh as he laughed.
Aoi turned and glared at him.
“Here’s your money, beautiful,” he said handing it to him. “Why aren’t you too good?” he asked with seriousness. “What makes him better than you?”
“Everything.”
“Well, if it means anything to you-which it probably doesn’t,” the trick said getting to his feet and picking up his clothes to get dressed. “I think you are worth more than you give yourself credit for.”
“Well, I’m corroded and Uruha is still pure so…” Aoi stared down blankly at the money. Normally, he would count it but he trusted this guy not to jip him for some reason.
“Uruha? What kind of name is that?” he asked looking over his shoulder, buttoning up his pants. The red light above him danced on the skin of his naked back.
“It’s a nickname.”
“I see…what does it mean?”
Aoi was reluctant to answer. “Beautiful.”
“Is he?”
“Beautiful?”
“Yeah? Is he?” the trick turned around and handing Aoi the cigarette put his shirt on.
“Yeah,” Aoi nodded.
“So…you don’t like him?” the man asked, confused.
“We used to be together a long time ago…doesn’t matter though…we were kids…so,” he shrugged.
“Were? You still are a kid.”
“I’m 23!” Aoi laughed.
“You’d be surprised. When you get to be my age, you’ll look back and realize you were still a kid.”
“Right,” Aoi smiled.
“Well, maybe I’ll see you around Uruha’s boyfriend,” the trick looked at his phone. He had to be back at work soon.
“EH?! Don’t call me that,” he whined, suppressing a smile. “I should get going anyway…”
“Yup, hey, come here,” the man said, gesturing for Aoi to come closer.
Reluctantly, he obeyed. When he approached him, the trick grabbing the back of his neck, pulled him close and slipped something in his pocket.
“Look at me,” he whispered in his ear. Making eye contact, the trick looked at his face for several moments before pulling him into a deep kiss.
***
On the train ride to Uruha’s house, Aoi stared at the ring the trick had slipped into his pocket. It was silver and in the center was a beautiful diamond. Rolling it between his finger and his thumb, he admired the light as it filtered through the rock.
He couldn’t figure out why the man would give him something of this value. They didn’t exchange names or contact information. It wasn’t as if by giving him this expensive gift, that he’d in some way be contracted out as his personal hustler. At least, that’s what Aoi thought was the general protocol for a man and his kept boy.
Getting off the train and walking up the long stairwell to the 3rd floor where Uruha and his sister’s apartment was, Aoi knocked feeling guilty that he was late. Quickly, the door swung open and Uruha was standing there, wearing a black tank top and ripped up, straight legged jeans. He actually didn’t look too bad.
“Heyyy,” Aoi smiled apologetically. “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay,” Uruha said, not revealing if he was upset or not. “Come in,” he stepped aside and watched Aoi walk into the apartment and take his shoes off. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Beer? Or is it too early?” Aoi laughed, uncomfortably.
Uruha pouting his bottom lip, shook his head no and went to go get them two bottles.
“So, where do you want to play?”
“The living room,” Uruha answered.
Aoi nodding, took a deep breath and looked around.
Uruha entered the living room and handing Aoi his beer asked him “How are you?”
“Good,” he lied. “You?”
“Okay. There isn’t anything in the house to eat. Just cake. If you want cake.”
“Cake?” Aoi smiled. “Was it big sis’ birthday?”
“No, 3 month anniversary.”
“You and…” Aoi couldn’t remember her name.
“Seiko.”
“Congratulations~” This conversation was becoming overbearingly awkward and uncomfortable.
“So?”
“Huh?!”
Uruha tilted his head. “Do you want cake?”
“No,” he smiled.
“You didn’t bring your guitar…” Uruha said looking at Aoi’s body as if to confirm it.
“Um…No… I forgot,” he laughed, feeling like an idiot.
“That’s okay. You can play one of mine,” he said going into his room and quickly coming back with two guitars, one a brown guitar and the other a dark blue one. Aoi taking the blue one, sat down on the couch. Uruha, pulling out a small tuner from his pocket, sat down and started tuning.
“Oh…” Aoi laughed. “I forgot to tell you but I ran into Kai.”
Uruha quickly looked up. “Really?” his expression became really soft suddenly.
“Yeah, he’s in a band already though.”
“Oh…” he looked down. “Drums?”
“Yup,” Aoi took a long drink of his beer.
“How is he?” Uruha looked back up.
“He is great,” Aoi smiled, finally feeling comfortable. It was nice to talk about Kai. Kai was good. Kai seemed happy and healthy. He was something they both could feel good about.
Uruha smiled his baby smile. “The four of us should meet up and hang out,” he nodded.
“Yeah. All were missing is Rei Rei.”
“We’ll find him.”
“You are so optimistic,” Aoi laughed.
Uruha didn’t respond to that, he let his eyes fall to the side as he thought about it. It seemed as if they were destined to see one another again, the five of them. “We should play something,” he suggested to Aoi.
“Uh…sure,” he smiled. “Whatcha want to play?”
“I wrote a couple of phrases. It requires two guitars.”
“Okay,” Aoi nodded.
“Can you do this?” Uruha said, demonstrating a certain kind of upward strum. Aoi had never seen it before. He watched Uruha’s hand with a furrowed brow, trying to figure out what exactly he was doing with his wrist. “Try it and I’ll teach you,” he said.
Aoi making his first attempt at it, failed miserably. Uruha did it again and Aoi tried it. He made a little bit of progress. Again, Uruha showed him once more. And with the patience of a saint, Uruha kept doing it until Aoi was almost there.
“Here, angle your wrist like this,” Uruha said, reaching over grabbing Aoi strumming hand with both of his own, and shifted the direction of his hand. Feeling his hands envelop his own, Aoi’s chest tightened. “There,” Uruha said. “Try it.”
Aoi trying it once more was able to do it. “How was that?” he asked with a grin.
“Good,” he looked up into Aoi’s eyes and smiled his baby smile. “Once more,” he asked, letting his gaze drop back to Aoi’s hand gripping the pick, his large prominent knuckles and the protruding veins. His hands were very masculine.
Almost mindless as he watched Aoi play, Uruha lifted up his own hand. He reached over and danced the tips of his fingers along Aoi’s knuckles.
Aoi immediately stopped playing. He stared at Uruha’s face intently watching his hand. Feeling Uruha, move his fingers up and down the tender valley between his knuckles, he looked down at his hand. Uruha stroked him so gently that for a moment, Aoi was completely breathless. The gesture was so innocent-Uruha merely saw his hand and wanting to touch him, touched him, giving into his urges to run his fingers along him. The thought of that innocence caused Aoi to reflect on himself, on his own lack of innocence, at where he just was and all the things he did with that stranger for money. Looking down at his own hand being innocently caressed, the image of the trick licking his hand came back to him. God, I didn’t wash myself, he realized. Uruha was touching his filthy skin.
And almost as if he were poison himself, Aoi snatched his hand away breaking the daze Uruha had fallen into. Turning away, Uruha blushed. At first he didn’t realize what he was doing but the longer he touched him and the longer that Aoi let his fingers linger there, the more he gave himself over to the feelings inside of him. The sensation of Aoi’s skin against his, the intimacy of it, sent flutters of tenderness throughout him. He didn’t bother to wonder if it was the product of memory, of his former romance or the product of what was his inevitable attraction to him. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. He wanted to touch him so, he touched him. But there was nothing he could do if Aoi didn’t want him to. So, he looked away rejected and ashamed of his actions.
Overcome with tenderness toward Aoi and fear and shame, he had the sensation of being a child again. He felt like the Uruha of that summer so long ago. He thought that he hated being that boy, that boy that was weak and vulnerable but he realized then that Uruha felt more alive, that Uruha saw the world differently... Was it that weak boy, he wondered or was that the Aoi’s Uruha? Even though he was embarrassed, the surge of energy that came to him at the realization that he felt more alive mingled with his tenderness for Aoi flooded over him and he felt strangely empowered.
He lifted eyes up to Aoi’s face. His lashes fanned around their feline shape and if the look in them wasn’t of need; his eyes would appear instead sultry and mischievous. “Aoi,” he said and reached out to grab his hand.
Aoi jumped to his feet and quickly placing the guitar down on the couch, said “I’m going to go.”
“Wait,” Uruha stood up.
“Look, I’m tired and I’m having a bad day,” he lied and headed toward the door.
“I’m sorry,” he ran up to him and grabbed his arm tightly. “Please don’t go.”
Aoi turned around and glared at him, his eyes shining with a mixture of anger and sorrow.
“Why did it anger you so much?” he asked innocently.
“I thought you said friends, Uruha,” he turned away and started putting his shoes on.
“I know…I’m sorry…Let’s go back to playing…”
Aoi was so tired, he felt as if his bones were going to ache themselves into jelly. “No. I’m exhausted and things are awkward now.”
“Look at me,” Uruha said firmly.
He was too surprised by his tone not to. “What?” he asked with irritation.
Uruha didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t planning anything but when Aoi turned around, his black eyes wet, Uruha felt overwhelmed. “Can I kiss you?” he asked like a child.
“What?!” Aoi was infuriated.
“Why are you so mad?”
“Why would you even ask that?” he gritted his teeth.
“…I don’t know…” he looked away. Aoi couldn’t stay mad at him long. There was something about Uruha’s manner that was even more submissive than usual.
“Uruha…” he said softly looking away, feeling bad that he yelled at him. But his gentleness was not repaid, Uruha, obeying his impulses went in to kiss him without Aoi even being aware. Feeling his lips graze against his, Aoi aware of the fact that his lips had just been on that man’s cock, quickly pushed Uruha away. “Stop!”
“I’m sorry,” Uruha lied. He merely said it to calm him down.
Aoi rubbed his face agitated. Why are you still here? He said to himself. “Look, Uruha. Don’t touch me.”
“Why not?”
“Why not?!”
Uruha stared at him, not saying a word as he waited for him to explain.
Aoi watched him. Suddenly, the fact that Uruha had tried to be intimate with him, had tried to kiss him, had touched his hands so gently and gingerly hit him like blow to the chest. He was at a lost for words, for thoughts. He felt like a man going through an identity crisis. He wasn’t supposed to be given this choice. It was dead. He had come to terms with that and now, he couldn’t go back. What would that mean to go back? The fear that everything he had left inside of him was at risk crept up into his chest.
“Uruha…listen to me,” he said walking toward him. “Don’t touch me.”
“Please tell me why. Am I disgusting?” Uruha asked. The way Aoi recoiled away from him was as if he was, the way he snatched his hand away or pushed Uruha back, acting as if by mere contact, he would catch something.
“What?!” Aoi was aghast. “I’m the disgusting one,” he pointed at himself. “I just came back from fucking some trick in a love hotel.”
Uruha’s eyed widened. He stood up straight.
“I’m a fucking whore if you forgot,” he enunciated at him.
“You still do that?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Aoi gritted his teeth. “It’s in my genetic makeup,” he said bitterly.
“But…”
“But what?”
“Why?” Uruha couldn’t understand.
“Because it’s fast and easy and apparently, I don’t mind sticking some stranger’s cock in my mouth,” he said, grossed out by himself. “Someone is going to do it, right?” He felt strange chills crawl up his arms and spine. “I guess the worst part is I enjoy it sometimes,” he looked everywhere but Uruha’s face.
“But…”
“Don’t worry, I’m getting my disgusting ass out of here,” he turned around. Again, Uruha grabbed his arm and prevented him from going. Aoi tried to push him off. Uruha however moved in front of him and pressed his back against the door, preventing him from leaving. “What?” Aoi said, feeling winded. Don’t do this, Uruha, he said to himself.
“Please don’t sell yourself anymore,” he asked sweetly. “Please.”
“Why?”
“Because…” he didn’t know why. He looked around, searching inside himself for the reason.
Aoi watching his beautiful face, felt something squeeze at his heart and mingled with his self-hate, he felt as if he were going to corrode from the inside out, accelerated by the exhilarating feeling of what felt like his old love for him.
“How long have you been…” Uruha mumbled.
“You know how long.”
“You never stopped…”
“Not really…why?” Aoi asked frustrated.
“But you were mine,” he looked up at him, upset. “I thought you said you were mine.”
“Well, I’m not anymore so fuck it, right?”
“It’s disgusting,” Uruha said as he realized that all sorts of people were touching him, fondling him, fucking him. Images of nondescript men doing things to him flooded his brain as if his own mind was trying to torture him.
“I know,” Aoi said, his tone almost unreadable.
“You let them touch you but not me.”
Aoi couldn’t believe this was happening. It didn’t make any sense. Where did this come from? Why was he doing this? Why? It was dead. It was in the past. It was over. He wished he never saw him again. That way, he could remember him and think of when he was happy and beautiful but now, Uruha served to throw back in his face all the things he had become. The more Uruha tried to regain something of their former relationship, the more the memory loss. He felt ugly all the time and being with the one person that in his mind, had symbolized the last thing in him that he had kept pure, was like a mirror to his current self, revealing to him all the holes left behind from the parts of himself he had sold.
“Well, they pay me. You just annoy me,” Aoi said as he violently shoved Uruha out of the way and walked out the door. “Follow me,” he shouted. “And I will throw you down the stairs and this time, I’m not going to catch you.”
[A/N I'm so sorry this is late. I was extremely busy yesterday. >.<]