(Cross-posted to borderline forum)

[phoinixe]

I have observed lately that many members of this community share something in common with me. We reach out when we are in pain, trouble or danger. When we are depressed and feeling lonely, we write something- even if it's just 3 lines. I know in life I'll call a friend who knows when I think I may need to not be left alone - I've seen posts on here

Comments

[scubagrrl]

Cave trolling is a behavior common to dudes, I'm told. Personally, I do some of it myself. Ya just don't feel like talking to anyone, just want to hide for a while. I don't think you're intolerant and mean for not wanting to deal with a cave troll. You might learn to accept it if you find someone you really like. But it's a way of coping that you don't understand, yes? therefore is "wierd" and something you likely don't know how to handle

[kandielei]

I dunno, it seems he overreacted a bit to you wanting to check he was ok... and I really don't think you are intolerant/mean just because you don't want to deal with that kind of behaviour. Guess it depends on how much you like the guy if you would want to negotiate a way to work out what he wants you to do when he feels that way, otherwise don't waste your time (sounds harsh but... I don't mean it to be

[disneyphile]

I'm going to have to say that needing space is not just a "male" thing. There are time that I want no one around, and I'll even turn the ringers off on my phones. And, it doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood - it just means I'm not in the mood to socialize and want time to myself.

I like to refer to it as "nesting", because "cave trolling" sounds so negative, and being alone isn't really a negative thing at all. It's time for self-nurturing, without interruption.

I can understand that it's difficult for a person with BPD to accept that at times, but it's the way of the world - sometimes, people just want "me" time. And, that time can last anywhere from a few minutes, to a few days. I've even nested for up to a week before, especially around the holidays, so I can tend to my home, and decorate, and just "take in the season".

Having alone time doesn't mean someone doesn't like you.

[phoinixe]

I completely understand what you re saying. You often tell people ahead of time "K & I are going to be nesting for the weekend" or even just simply "I'm turning the ringers off", which your friends understand to mean that you need some space. sometimes, even when you odn't tell, If I call you and get voicemail immediately, my repsonse is " Oh, ok, she's nesting/busy/ect. I bet she'll call bck in a few days".

What occurred with the date is, in my opinion, different. I do think that canceling a date, which YOU set up, 2 hours ahead of time because you're feeling "depressed" is not the same thing as nesting and wanting some time to yourself. It's not really worth the energy of wrroying about, because we both felt it wasn't a good fit and we moved on, as adults do.

For me, the issue boild down to lack of consideration for another person's feelings. And beng BPD, someone engaging in potentially abandonment-triggering behavior so early on is a warning sign to get out. Taking care of the self is absolutely my priority. :)

[sohrshah]

Though apparently, that doesn't include my typing!