Today was supposed to be my wedding day. I learned that my ex fiance was "shopping" and lying about virtually every aspect of his life, past and present. He had carefully crafted himself to be nearly the perfect man for me -  and all of it was a lie. Clearly he has his own mental illnesses to contend with.

I am not so much grief stricken as ( Read more... )

In the last couple of days I have lost pretty much all of my friends. I don't have the energy to drop the lot from here, so you all can drop yourselves when you get sick of my douchebaggery, as it was so eloquently described to me earlier tonight by a now ex-friend. I like the sound of that. I'm done with nice ( Read more... )

It’s been some months since I updated this blog. As the economy stumbles worldwide and the holidays approach, we are all entering into one of the most stressful and emotional times in many years, perhaps ever.

I’ve been doing very well, over all. I have been off my Seroquel for some months now, and I am generally handling my daily life without the ( Read more... )

I'm feeling a combination of frustration and pain right now, in spite of having had a great day.

I've been trying really hard to improve my self esteem. In the last couple of weeks, a number of my friends have been giving me flack for my self deprication, even when not meant to be putting myself down. One even told me it's hard to be my friend ( Read more... )

Ok, so I've had a "friend" on-line named Will for a month or so.  Will and I have had a number of conversations ranging from fun to awkward over that time, and we even met up once for an hour- he helped me with learning math as I study for the GRE. It was an awkward meeting, and he never smiled. He wouldn't even shake my hand when I left, citing a ( Read more... )

This recovery thing is not as easy as I'd planned ( Read more... )

I have observed lately that many members of this community share something in common with me. We reach out when we are in pain, trouble or danger. When we are depressed and feeling lonely, we write something- even if it's just 3 lines. I know in life I'll call a friend who knows when I think I may need to not be left alone - I've seen posts on here ( Read more... )

Days have passed and the opportunities for closure and have come and gone ( Read more... )

As another relationship in my life comes to an end, I have been reflecting on the patterns of my life. It is a dangerous game, blaming your behavioral patterns on a mental illness- it cannot be done instead of taking full responsibility for your actions, but in addition to. It’s a reason, not an excuse.

That said, I do definitely have a pattern. I ( Read more... )

A few days ago I had an episode, one of the first since beginning medication.  Looking back on it, I'd call it a 5 out of 10, with 1 being normal upset and 10 being suicidal. I was aware that it was an episode up to a certain point, and only with outside triggering-stimulus did it cross over into a full-on episode. It lasted 3 hours and then blew ( Read more... )