The narrative is pretty straight forward and comprehensive through the one scene, and manages to show the events of the rest of them through the evening without being blatant or just saying what happened, as if the narrator is not omnipotent of the situation even though they are aware of their current existance (rather obviously true). A lot of detail over the emotion of both characters is included, which is both a good thing and an irony. You claim to not know what the other person is doing there, yet then make claims to awkwardness. The dialogue became monologue, but I suppose that was your point in the end.
However, what this lacked was depth in terms of theme, moral, or motive. I was oging to say the same for character develpoment, but you did what you could with what you had and I can respect that. In terms of originality, I dont know if this scored high marks either to be completely honest.
Again though, lots of imagery and descriptive word choices. I actually enjoyed reading it.
thats cool still. Hopefully you do well, we havent even started on a whole story in my class yet. My teacher marks fucking hard, I got one of the best marks on my character portrait writeups and that was only 23/30
Im going to write a story full of characters you purposely can not sympathise with doing ludacris vulgar acts. There's no reason behind it other than to get the reader angry at the lack of agreeable moral, but it should be good.
Well... thats all the useless information about my writing you'll ever need!
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i'll take crit.
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The narrative is pretty straight forward and comprehensive through the one scene, and manages to show the events of the rest of them through the evening without being blatant or just saying what happened, as if the narrator is not omnipotent of the situation even though they are aware of their current existance (rather obviously true). A lot of detail over the emotion of both characters is included, which is both a good thing and an irony. You claim to not know what the other person is doing there, yet then make claims to awkwardness. The dialogue became monologue, but I suppose that was your point in the end.
However, what this lacked was depth in terms of theme, moral, or motive. I was oging to say the same for character develpoment, but you did what you could with what you had and I can respect that. In terms of originality, I dont know if this scored high marks either to be completely honest.
Again though, lots of imagery and descriptive word choices. I actually enjoyed reading it.
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Im going to write a story full of characters you purposely can not sympathise with doing ludacris vulgar acts. There's no reason behind it other than to get the reader angry at the lack of agreeable moral, but it should be good.
Well... thats all the useless information about my writing you'll ever need!
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best
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gun-gun
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