So, I have not communicated on here for a while so I believe I am well overdue to update you on my current status. After my little break down last year when I heard the news of a childhood friend inevitably dying due to her lifelong disease coupled with a harsh judgement made by a group of my boyfriends friends of the touchy subject of my Bulimia ( Read more... )

700g Kiwifruit ( Read more... )

So bulimia rules my life but I have decided to take steps towards recovery, I have called a clinic and hopefully they will contact me within the next three days and I can get better so I can actually lose weight maybe... I guess that's really the only reason I want to fix my bulimia is so that I have control again and can adhere to my anorexic ( Read more... )

 Unfortunately I have divulged back into bad habits of bulimia and it is yet again affecting every aspect of my life. People do notice. Today however has been a success, so far. I have schemed up a new "eating plan" where instead of eating lots of low calorie sustenance I have swapped for the opposite, eating high calorie and not too much actual ( Read more... )

 Due to my part time job as a snowboard instructor, the physical exertion does not allow me to abstain from sustenance. Although I am eating healthily I cannot stand the feeling of it in my stomach. Weight gain is inevitable, mainly due to the developement of muscle, but it's hard resist the urge to take laxatives or purge whenever I do eat. I have ( Read more... )

 Why can't I stop? Why can't I control myself? What triggers the fear that pushes us into our secluded little world, so fragile and impure?

This isn't normal, this isn't the answer.

Technically I'm underweight with a BMI of 17.8 but I feel like a normal substantial person. I feel bigger then other people even when I'm standing right next to them. Is it because of my height or because I used to be overweight? Will the feeling ever go away? 

 Oh how I wish I could look like this. It seems so wrong, yet so right.


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I in no way endorse the behaviour of pro-anorexia upon others although I do follow the Ideals of it myself, just to make that clear ( Read more... )