The night before leaving to Colorado, I slept on the couch in my paren'ts livingroom. All the lights in the house were out and the dogs were snoring nearby, but I could not sleep. So I slid a couple of old photo albums off of the shelf next to my head, sat up, turned on the table lamp, and started thumbing through them. They were pictures of my ( Read more... )

- How hard it is to remember jokes ( Read more... )

Driving north in the pouring rain, loud rock music playing on his stereo, he was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. He had left the house five minutes earlier than normal because the weather always slowed him down. Kids sleeping in the fold out couch-bed, hypnotic drone of rain on the porch roof. Now his thoughts are not on the music ( Read more... )

Cool whip, I love you. You can be frozen or just fridged. You're such a lovely audience, I'd love to take you home with me and put you in my mouth. You are sweet with apple pie. You're good in some tea or coffee. And you laugh at all my jokes (even ones about sad math books). Cool whip, you rock. You show us all how to just...be cool.

Hello Hello. This is not a cause for celebration or anything, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm finding the way. I'm finding the way that I want to be. I'm becoming the man that I want to become. And I know the pieces fit. Goodbye Goodbye.

Job listing: Librarian assistant's secretary ( Read more... )

Each and every morning I wake up and consciously create my day, get connected, automatically update, trust technology, rely on robots, and give in to automation.

It's a dark clowdy day when all I have to say is why am I inside a room without a door ( Read more... )

So I need a big asshole on my forehead to let it all out. And like a forehead-butt enema. And like some cream, to sooth the pain.

And the main that I do is to kick some asses with my head. Mental Karate KEYAA! It's gonna hurt real bad like an ice cream brain freeze I promise. Like you are teleporting in CON or RTA. Blue lightning at your cranium. Because nobody can tell me what to do. Nobody. Kiss my ass world.