friend brought to my attention a few articles and threads about how often autism and adhd ("audhd") is misdiagnosed as borderline personality disorder due to doctors wanting to throw hysterical/angry/against-the-grain women in a big bowl to ignore and mistreat. I feel like it's probably pretty obvious that i'm on the spectrum, even more now that I' ( Read more... )

tonight, A's sister asked if he'll ever come home for xmas again (subtext being he'd still be going home for xmas if he hadn't made a life with me) - a thing we have both explained to family in our own ways over the years. how we've chosen jobs and lives that don't support exorbitant expense of the disposable holiday variety. how we don't exchange ( Read more... )

*dudes only want to talk to me about my tits and their boners - i'm bored of it, frankly. leaning hard into old and ugly as a result.

*how am I supposed to smoke weed constantly when the wind is blowing 100mph

*none of my overnight clients have humidifiers so my skin is very dry and this bothers me on a vain level

*blood is trickling occasionally ( Read more... )

i'm a weak bitch with a big mouth, soft center, naive heart. I'm cruel and selfish, crazy-stupid with the impulse control of a chimp about to rip your face off. I give as good as I get. or worse. I put the work in. I put the work in. I count to ten and breathe. I learn you like a language. I hold you like you've never been held. I fuck up and love ( Read more... )

that season we were tripping and tripping and tripping. and we'd wander down to the water and I'd get stuck in a awkward reverie of exclamation. how beautiful ! the sun on the water. how incredible ! the wind on my shoulders. as if somehow that could explain the depth of what it meant to share those liminal spaces with you. or how the drugs, the ( Read more... )

dark autumn clouds against the bright blue

slobber on my thighs from panting grinners

quiet and the huff of my breath while scaling the hills

crunch of steps through the gravel alleys

rhythm of chores, the duty of living

tenderness in the eyes that know me best

for almost any impulse to write I've been doing so in a paper journal. with an orange felt tip marker like the old days of me. illegible and perfectly so - I don't intend to go back and read. i'm Giving My Anger The Space (barf) had hoped she wouldn't still be so stuffed full to bursting with hot creamy rage but she is and so I do it in longhand ( Read more... )

changing of the leaves is knocking me out particular. the fireworks of october. it's so 80 degrees but still the trees are going right on with nature as scheduled. you love to see it. finishing every day cresting the hill at golden hour feels euphoric. pure fucking moments with love literally dripping from my pussy if that makes sense. 

tony, a tall thin blonde dude in the grade ahead of me. a bean sprout and hair like Dennis the menace in the TV show, how it sprouted from the crown and danced a little when he was excited. can't remember what made me think of him - maybe autumn days and how the only memories I have of him are attached to school, who knows. a first of many funny ( Read more... )

thinking about that time I got pissed my father opened a letter I got during the last month I was living with them in California, at age 33, that had a personal note and a check from my lover, with the excuse "it's MY HOUSE" and everyone in the family thought I was the asshole for drawing a fucking boundary.

deep breath; I have created a life in ( Read more... )