dark autumn clouds against the bright blue

slobber on my thighs from panting grinners

quiet and the huff of my breath while scaling the hills

crunch of steps through the gravel alleys

rhythm of chores, the duty of living

tenderness in the eyes that know me best

for almost any impulse to write I've been doing so in a paper journal. with an orange felt tip marker like the old days of me. illegible and perfectly so - I don't intend to go back and read. i'm Giving My Anger The Space (barf) had hoped she wouldn't still be so stuffed full to bursting with hot creamy rage but she is and so I do it in longhand ( Read more... )

changing of the leaves is knocking me out particular. the fireworks of october. it's so 80 degrees but still the trees are going right on with nature as scheduled. you love to see it. finishing every day cresting the hill at golden hour feels euphoric. pure fucking moments with love literally dripping from my pussy if that makes sense. 

tony, a tall thin blonde dude in the grade ahead of me. a bean sprout and hair like Dennis the menace in the TV show, how it sprouted from the crown and danced a little when he was excited. can't remember what made me think of him - maybe autumn days and how the only memories I have of him are attached to school, who knows. a first of many funny ( Read more... )

thinking about that time I got pissed my father opened a letter I got during the last month I was living with them in California, at age 33, that had a personal note and a check from my lover, with the excuse "it's MY HOUSE" and everyone in the family thought I was the asshole for drawing a fucking boundary.

deep breath; I have created a life in ( Read more... )

the anxious compulsive qualifying I do whenever someone compliments my hair in public like "aaah don't look too close I cut it with dull kitchen scissors and only wash it once a month" hey pipes brain stfu take the compliment with grace and walk on, goblin

sickeningly attractive young men who go out of their way to tell me how "so cute; not old" I am whenever we hang out: just shhhhhhhh am attempting to downsize my delusional irresistibility in this last leg of life, thank you for your cooperation

sister aren’t you living happier without the loser the weirdo the thief the liar the addict the pervert the slut the embarrassment the disappointment the child who ruined your mothers life

am so happy I grabbed at the chance to be someone loved by someone who knows how to love. def recommend

It was so easy to give it to you. Like I’d been born to do it. Like I’d been sitting on it for years before ever meeting you - an egg waiting to hatch, my life’s work. A reason. And when I gave it to you i felt lighter and heavier at the same time, like we were sharing the moon. Your face bathed in the glow of it ( Read more... )

detachment is truth

what a gift to know that the suffering, as well as the joy, is cyclical

we’re all stardust, sweet babe