So, why is it that i only write when i'm going through some sort of emotional disaster?  i'm lame... 
I am in love.  I am so fucking in love its crazy.  The kind of love that makes you feel alive, lucky and grateful.  I am also on a break.  My decision.  I feel like its the first time that i've broken up with someone and really REALLY didn't want to ( Read more... )

 chuy , i want to have his baby:] not really. Actually i do. um... no, i keep on telling myself no but i utterly do.

so... i deleted dj from my myspace.  well, dj and andrew.  i was on the phone with lil b and... nonono... let me start by telling you that i had been thinking about doing this for a couple of days because everytime i log on, i'm in like, fear of seeing one their updates.  u know... "mc lars posted a new blog featuring damondrick jack" "we'll be in ( Read more... )

GET OUT!  GET THE FUCK OUT!!  why can't i get over him???  why are you still in my veins???  i have a great boyfriend now but for some reason i can't forget you.  why do i love you so much?  and not only do i love you incredibly but i also i MISS you soooo much.  i've almost called him like 4785 times these last couple of weeks.  so many times i've ( Read more... )

lets start off by saying that i am in no way over dj.  none whatsoever.  i am still deeply in love with him.  i think about him every moment i have to myself.  in the morning on my drive to work, i cry.  i think about him and cry. EVERY fucking morning.  every drive home i think about him.  at costco i started to cry because i thought of him.  i ( Read more... )

I'M FEELING KINDA SAD TODAY.  i think it started with the dreams i had last night.  dj asked me to get back together with him.  and i wanted to say no.  i thought of chuy and of how my life is now and felt weird.  i said yes and decided to tell chuy that dj and i were going to give it another try.  i was sad about that but happy that i was going to ( Read more... )

OMG JOURNAL!  have you ever felt so jealous that you literally feel it coursing through your veins?  i have an issue with jealousy though.  of course it stems from insecurity.  i'm sure its a fat girl thing.  its just a reminder of how much i need to keep my emotions in check.  i hate not feeling that i can trust someone.  that was one of the great ( Read more... )

So check this out... i'm hanging out with chuy, we werre watching tv and i got really sleepy so i turned my back to him to close my eyes.  i started thinking about stupid dj and how he had changed his profile picture on facebook.  i like, got so sad that i wanted to cry.  i mean, forget that fact that i had taken that picture on my birthday and ( Read more... )

hmm... let me start off by telling you about last night.  it was pretty fun.  i went to my friend deannette bday party.  let me just describe her to you.  she's black, beautiful, long dreds and totally bohemic.  like, smokes pot everyday, and loves to go to all night festivals and does e... lots of it.  total "secular" as she likes to call it.  she ( Read more... )

do you have any idea how sad i am right now journal?  um... hello?  i'm writing again... that should tell you something.  i was reading the last post i entered a lil over a year ago and i smiled.  my life has changed so much since then, as have i.  i feel so lost.  like i don't know who i am anymore.  i really don't.  i'm funny, yes ok, but all ( Read more... )