I have lost my fair share of loved ones in my lifetime, the healing process for each death is as unique as the lives of each person lost.  As my feet hit the ground of the park I was filled with a sense of dread, I did not want to be there.  I wanted to get back in the car and tell my sister to take me home.  I put the camera to my face to try and ( Read more... )

When I was first given the opportunity to help C there was a split second that I thought about not doing it.  There was a part of me that thought why should I help her when things for me are so bad right now?  I remembered when I was having surgery admitted to the hospital for weeks at a time, she never came to see me, even when B told her how sick ( Read more... )

I hate that when I set down to fill in this blank page all the words that had been swimming around my head they seemed to have gone somewhere I can not follow.  I hate that feeling wondering what I was going to say oh well maybe the words will come after I get some sleep.

Last night I checked an email that I have not used in many years, I take that back I use it whenever I have to include an email address that I know will result in spam most of the time I delete the emails without even opening them if it is from some email address that I do not recognize.  When I was finished with my mass delete I saw folders that I ( Read more... )

I was asked a strange question today one that I am still not sure the answer.  I was asked if I believe in soul mates.  I had to admit that I was not sure,  I spent most of my adult life making sure that I could not get my heart broken.  I always ended my relationships long before I could get hurt.  If love was ever mentioned it was my que that it ( Read more... )

There has always been a double standard in our day to day life, and I have accepted it, most of the time I agree with it.  If a woman wants to be a cop, firefighter, in the military, anything really physical and where other peoples lives are at risk.  I think it is dangerous to have a lower standard for women, it puts the men around her in danger.  ( Read more... )

I have always tried to take life one day at a time.  There is no way to know what tomorrow holds, or even if I will be around to see it.  I am now looking for day number fifteen.  According to Dr. S if I can make it to fifteen day with no symptoms then I can go back to work.  Fifteen days, two weeks.  I have had this damn illness for seven years, ( Read more... )

I have never been one of those girls that need to have constant reassurance that there mate loves them.  I have never been one of those girls that has trouble realizing that a relationship is over and it is time to move on.  That being said I would like to know why it is that six months after the break up I still miss him?  Why do I get upset that ( Read more... )

I knew that the relationship with B was over long before the words came out of his mouth.  When we had agreed to try and work things out I knew that it was not going to work, but there was this part of me that wanted to hold on to the good times, the laughter and sense of feeling safe.  When we agreed to stay friends, I knew that the agreement was ( Read more... )

2009 was a year of change for me, when I was starting 2009 I thought that by its end I would be thinking marriage, and promotions at work.  Boy was I wrong.  We are five days into 2010 and I have spent more days in the hospital than out, I am still getting over the heart break of losing B.  I want to have high hopes for this year but I am scarred ( Read more... )