again

[pippingeek]

he says "thank you," as if what i just did was some expression of goodwill, of affection and generosity between friends, as if he didn't just hold my hand there after i said no, i wanted to go. and this is the one i liked, that i trusted, the one i went to when the others overstepped their bounds and i felt violated. is it just here, are there

Comments

[goovery]

It isn't "being a bad feminist" to want to be cherished and to happen to be generally more heterosexual. My shrink tells me that part of what he's worried about with me right now is that I give out a certain sexuality that I can't control - that because of my history, I've got elements of my sexuality that aren't contained. It isn't so much that I shouldn't be "allowed" to be a sexual person, it's more that I don't have a mastery over it. I think that may be something of what you're dealing with (from the way you talk about not understanding the reactions of others).

I think it would take more effort on your part to find a therapist who won't let you outsmart them, but I think when you get to NY, it might be a good time for you to try to look for one. You may not be able to resolve this any other way.

[pippingeek]

well, i don't know how to respond to that. part of me feels like surely therapy couldn't hurt (i mean, can it ever?), but in my more confident and feminist moments i wonder what me getting therapy has to do with a coworker holding my hand on his cock at my workplace after i pull away and say no, or put his hand down my pants. whether or not i get therapy won't affect men thinking it's okay to act like that with a woman who tells them to stop. sure, i could be more aggressive about my protests, and probably should be, but i still maintain that i shouldn't have to be, and that it shouldn't be my fault.

[goovery]

Absolutely those kinds of actions are not your fault - that is extreme.

For those people to do those things is completely wrong. Full stop. But why they choose to do them to you (and not some other person)... that's the part that seems like something you could work with a therapist to understand, and that's the part that sounds to me like what my therapist is talking about when he talks about my uncontained parts around sexuality.