damn it!

[piratelegolas]

hmmmm well its confusing. i dont understand some of the things i do, why i always run back to being in constant pain, why i push people away, why i love hating myself. it doesnt make sense. i always become so doubtful of myself and people and like i just cant trust.im so scared of being with someone cause ive been alone for so long that being with

Comments

[warkie]

the last thing you want to put your trust in is your self... or anyone else's self for that matter. i have every reason to doubt and despise my self. i'm alone too, and i struggled with that for a long time, but i realized that once i don't need to not be alone--once i don't need anyone or anything but god i'd be the richest man alive. because i actually don't have anyone or anything but god, and if i think i do i'm just kidding myself. so what then... just give it all up and relax? wait? well, yeah... it sounds hard, but it's what i have to do.

don't seek to get close to anyone. when you're close to god you'll be close to those who are also close to him. never look for anything but him. once you're looking for him, you'll find what you were looking for before...

don't bother trying to figure out your heart. remember that 'in-me-dwells-no-good-thing' mantra? well, yeah. let god figure it out. he'll take care of ya. he knows what you need better than anyone.

i only wish

[piratelegolas]

god and i...no wait i dont get along with god. the whole in me dwells no good thing, well some weird strange none make sense way i like it. the pain is the only emotion (remember i said that on the rock) so because of the constant pain i want to keep the constant pain. it doesnt make sense but all i know is im one messed up lost little girl.

Re: i only wish

[warkie]

well, don't give up. i don't believe you wanna be like that for the rest of your life. you're going to pour your passion into something... neglect your self and lust after spiritual gifts. come on... try for me? *sad puppy-dog eyes*

Re: i only wish

[piratelegolas]

puppy dog eyes dont work for me sweetie not anymore! muwahahaaha! even ask my little carin terrier, it is to no avail!