i'm at my fucking wits end. I never in my life seen so clearly what I have to do, and what not doing it will do to me, yet still avoided the right thing out of fear, and laziness. He sleeps now. Just lays to forget. Closes his eyes, and somehow becomes unconsious. Forgets. Then gets over. Forgets. Never carries on. We are far too damaged. He's ( Read more... )

I'm all about it now. I've busted in the door. I sent Kevin a brutally honest email. It's the only way to explain, and rid of my crazy actions all in one fail swoop. It's not official of course until he reads it. The communication is not complete until the receiver receives it eh? I"m not worried though. I have nothing to lose. I'm going to ( Read more... )

oh so it's been awile.
the whole sex thing ceased.

the only problems are straight bickering out of 'i'm sick of youness'. I went away for a week. Made me want to be away more...not come back. At least to this scene.

It's the cold water...the after the stormness...the ice that can't be broken that is such a kicker for me. I mean, I try...but I have ( Read more... )

when will i stop being lied to ?

when i leave

I"m so bad at occupying my time. That phrase right there shows it. I shouldn't have to occupy my time, but to just use it and be content. Moving and flowing. I don't think this can ever be accomplished within this domain here. I clearly am/have been pushing Kevin too far. Or whatever. We're just not getting along. We just don't. Half the time. Ew. ( Read more... )

ME ! ME! I've been fucking scammed. I ordered fucking proactiv. And in the order form they're like, do you want this green tea shit for free, or these vitamins for free...and I'm like the vitamins. So i get the shit, and they sent me the fucking green tea shit, no biggie ( Read more... )

I always feel as if i've only got "bad" news here, if you can consider it news. But I suppose this is a venting tool, no?
I need to stop thinking about this whole ordeal with Kevin....him being home alone all day....I cannot worry if I"m being lied to, or ask questions, or hint at things. I cannot feel bad about my body and my services, or lack of ( Read more... )

The new job is going great I think. I still don't know how to do the same thing EVERYDAY. Something in my core tells me that there is no way that humans can be intended for that. Well I think we're not intended for anything. But I do think that in order for us to be happy, monotony should be avoided. I'm trying to get  fresh approach to each day, ( Read more... )

I mean really ( Read more... )

So got some news today, Adam called me and Georgia's in the hospital, vet or whatever...she cant move her limbs and whatever whatever, they're trying to treat it, don't know what it is...etc. Could very well end up being bad news.
So I cried, and cried, and cried to Kevin, and took a break for a while, and cried again.
Then decided to research it on ( Read more... )