yes, i realize...

[pixie_lily]

first: thanks to everyone for their kind comments to my last post.

second: madelyn, i've moved the rest of this entry down the page, because while i know you're incredibly strong, i don't want to blindside you with my anguished ramblings...

a breakdown at the kitchen table brought my fears about my mother's mortality rushing to the

Comments

[jenmkat]

i lost my mother unexpectedly 4 years ago. Of course I wasn't ready. who is? It was strange at the moment, I was upset, I said things out of pure emotion, then I had to drive for an hour to get home. During that drive, things cleared for the moment. I actually got tired of people asking me how I was doing, expecting me to be a wreck. I realized, though, that I had to be strong for those around me so they would focus on my mother and her life rather than my emotional state. There would be time for that but I wanted people to remember her and share with me what they felt about her, not talk about how I was feeling.

It got harder a while after that. Even now I start feeling more things about her that make me feel bad. I have to come to terms that my mother was not perfect but I can't hold that against her. I can only strive to not make her mistakes.

[pixie_lily]

i'm sorry your mother; grief is a strange journey, don't you think?

i'm not even ready to deal with the reality of my mother's mortality, much less her actual (eventual) death. i need to be pro-active, at least allow myself to consider the possibility, but i can't even do THAT without becoming an emotional basket-case.

i suppose there's no preparing for such things, but i also know that some people (of which i am NOT one) have a much more realistic and healthy attitude about death than i do...

i wonder how one cultivates such an attitude?

[pixie_lily]

"i'm sorry *about* your mother..."

[paper_wings]

Oh I totally know that feeling.. My dad got sick last year and not even the doctors knew what was wrong with him, he was so ill that he couldn't leave the hospital, it was scary. You and your mom are in my thoughts. *hugs*

[cutiebearkatie]

Whenever I think of my parent's mortality, I become so freaked out. Just moving away from them, across the country was scary because of it. I'm worried about seeing how they will have aged in the months since I've seen them.
I have always been scared by my own mortality. And within the past couple of years, I've realized my father has these same fears, in pretty much the same way I do. So, we've talked about it some. Need to talk some more.
hugs.

[vikarious]

I was thinking of making an entry about my complete obsession with death lately. Not a good kind of obsession.

But, as I said, my grandma is in the hospital. I still have ALL of my grandparents and I've really never lost a person who's been close to me (only a great uncle, and a great grandmother.)

I have a IMMENSE fear of what's going to happen when one of them dies. I have a hard time even thinking about it because it makes me so ill and emotional.

I think the hardest part about it is, until recently I never really thought about my parents dying. And it seems like after the grandparents are gone.....it's just downhill until my own parents die.

This coupled with my fear of being alone forever.....horrible.

[pixie_lily]

i'm scared of all those things, too. i HAVE lost someone close to me, and rather than give me courage, it made me more afraid.

it's just all too...too MUCH, really. and ultimately, death pisses me off. seems like piss-poor planning on god's part, if ya ask me. surely there must be a better way to get off th planet than that.

*sigh*

but what do i know?

[nataxia]

i'm sorry honey...you & your mum are in my thoughts & prayers