An armour-plated turkey: review of ‘Ironclad’, film about the 1215 Siege of Rochester

[syntinen_laulu]

If you’ve always wanted to see exactly what if would look like if someone hacked off another guy’s arm and bashed him over the head with the soggy end, then Ironclad is the film you’ve been waiting for all your life. (Yes, you really do see that in the film.)

Comments

[shocolate]

Oh dear.

Oh dear, oh dear.

Not Aneurin Barnard's big film break, then?

Which cardboard cutout was he?

[syntinen_laulu]

He was the wet-behind-the-ears squire. I must say he was very pretty.

[silverwhistle]

I think I'll give this a miss. They should have played it for laughs and thrown in a line about bacon butties.

[silverwhistle]

…On the other hand, the châtelaine in fetish gear sounds rather tasty… ;-D

[syntinen_laulu]

And/or thrown in a few Orcs, a Chinese swordfight heroine or Tim the Enchanter, and started sending it up rotten. That could have been fun.

There's one truly Pythonesque moment where John is standing beneath the walls demanding their surrender, because "I am your King!" When Brian Cox, instead of replying "King, eh? And how did you get that then? By exploiting the workers!..." lamely bellows "You're no more a king than the boil on my arse! (to a comrade) What a tedious little man", the anticlimax in the cinema was palpable.

Wot, no farcical aquatic ceremony?!

[silverwhistle]

Oh, that could have been so magnificently Pythonesque! What a missed opportunity!