Once, when I was probably five or six, my parents signed me up to play t-ball. It must have been something I wanted after watching my older brothers. I remember the first day, standing in the outfield grass under the blue sky. I even remember what I was wearing: a rainbow colored shirt made out of that bubbly, stretchy fabric and jean shorts. ( Read more... )

I dug through all the clutter that has taken my childhood room captive to find my Perks of Being a Wallflower mixtape that sailed into my life one rainy day from Canada. And I sit very still. And I cry, and cry, and cry.

Someone get the violins. My water main is officially unblocked.

Maybe I am slowly becoming human again.

i think my heart is slowly imploding
i am really terrified

Not by any means, is there ever a sufficient tally of beloved pangs. Jeweled scabs conceal my pride as it clots, thick like honey. As the doctor cleaned me off upon my arrival, he procliamed with a hearty chuckle, "We have a squibbler." A solemn silence ensued. Tasteless, shameful, off-color jokes ( Read more... )

Hide your heart under the bed and lock your secret drawer. Wash the angels from your head won't need them anymore. Love is a demon and you're the one he's coming for. Oh my Lord. He's bringing sweet salvation, let temptation take him in. He's every fear and every hope and every single sin. He's the universe the love you've been imagining, oh my ( Read more... )

It's never going to be like the past, just so you know. I want it to be clear that these things are no longer a cinch to manage. In the past, everything was easier because the future was so big and empty. It wasn't yet filled with this backbreaking clutter. The seasons will always change and the earth will always revolve around the sun. But we didn ( Read more... )

Six years, give or take, after quitting I relapsed last night. I don't really feel sorry. I feel complete.

I truly hope I survive these next two weeks without all the moisture and fire leaving my body.

I read some truly devastating, world-rocking fic over the weekend. It made me so envious and disappointed that I let myself stop writing. These shards barely qualify as "writing". These are just the grounds at the bottom of my poorly brewed coffee. These are just the little blips that register on a soundly sleeping artistic vision ( Read more... )

He caught me off gaurd. It's so hard to think of how to act when you have resigned yourself to the supposed fact you'll never speak again. It's so hard to think how to act when he's, above all, friendly. Oh, but the past is never far. I'm sure it would take one more conversation to pick up fighting right where we left off. It left me shaking and ( Read more... )