cheater cheater pumpkin eater

[plumerai]

What are some signs you’ve personally seen that flagged that a person is prone to cheating? Either someone you/a friend has been interested in, or someone you/a friend has dated?

(No, this isn’t personal; it’s for work but I thought there might be some interesting stories and insight from the internets...)

Comments

[kehlers]

Lack of boundaries in other areas-- like not knowing his limits with alcohol, for example. General passivity-- I think a lot of cheating happens not because the dude is actively seeking it, but because he hasn't ever established boundaries for his own behavior, and he might be the kind of guy who just "lets" things happen.

Also, being a man. I know that's not fair, but that always raises flags for me!

[duchess_k]

Lack of boundaries--yes.

[kehlers]

Also, selfish people, people who always need the "new and improved" model of everything, people who can't/won't speak up for what's right, and people who can justify any action are natural-born cheaters, I've found.

But if we're talking "how can you tell if someone IS cheating," I'd say any hinky new behavior, unexplained changes, flimsy excuses, etc., and feeling it in your guts.

[duchess_k]

OOOH no!

[risala]

Oh hey-ll no.

[caillecha]

What did he say? "Oops?"

[duchess_k]

Whenever I've been cheated on it has been a total surprise, so I think I'm not a very good gauge of this...

[caillecha]

Well, it already starts off poorly when he mentions he has a girlfriend while he's hitting on you, and then proceeds to ask you on a date, anyway.

It's also bad when you call him and he says "I can't talk long, I'm being rude to my guest," and the guest happens to be a sort-of friend of yours.

Or when he makes plans to go on Spring Break to Cancun with said "guest" and her group of friends.

Or when he gets mad at you for coming to his friend's party (even though you were invited by said friend) because it could have "ruined his chances."

Or he is really, really into having that threesome/orgy/open relationship four years into it and you've always said no.

I could go on and on.

[fuzzilla]

>Or when he gets mad at you for coming to his friend's party (even though you were invited by said friend) because it could have "ruined his chances."<

!!! Oh, HELL no...

[caillecha]

Yeah. I was pretty dumb back then because I stayed with him.

[caillecha]

Ooh I remembered another one: when you're awaken at 4 a.m. by his cell phone ringing and he's not there, and you answer and it's some girl who won't tell you her name telling you he's not your boyfriend anymore.

[snarkout_rat]

When he is unstraightforward with you about matters in general.