I still have yet to come to a definite conclusion about the situation I have brought myself into. However, I seem to have found a calmness in my head about it. A place where I can compartamentalize what is going on in order to focus on other things. It still is probably not fair to either of them. It is the most painful for Mark of course. But the ( Read more... )

So the pink eye (in both freaking eyes) is definitely leaving quickly. Thank goodness. Now on to bigger problems...

So apparently if you tell people you've had a shit day, more so than lately, it's really code for hey why don't you just give me a fucking hard time about every little thing you can think of. Oh and talk about me like I can't hear you. That's a good one too. You know, act like we're all in fucking highschool again. Man, because those were good ( Read more... )

"Here's the truth about the truth, it hurts so we lie."

I'm having a difficult time being honest with myself right now.

What is the point of all this. Maybe it is the fact that it's new. Maybe there's something inside me that still needs to know he's not the only one that thinks some of those things about me. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind that one piece always bothered me and now I've got one like that too. Maybe I needed to know he'd beg for me back as ( Read more... )

I do not know what I want and right now in this moment I am refusing to hang out with either for the rest of the day. I should probably be this way for the next few days, but with the way I've been changing lately I cannot even make MYSELF that promise. So for now I am focusing on tonight. I will not run to or call one because I hate being alone. ( Read more... )

why am i such a bitch

i feel like doing nothing. nothing except lay in bed or sit on the floor and think about everything i've ruined. i hate myself right now.

i don't want to go to school. i want to feel the way i used to. why am i so selfish

I want to feel the way I used to. Hopelessly madly in love. Making people wrinkle up noses at how cute we are. Holding hands with chocolate covered rasins. Lost in moments not caring what we do as long as it's anything while we're together. Laying in bed all day some days. Lazily driving the day away. Unconcerned with what others thought. Knowing ( Read more... )

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know at all. I am completely confused and wish that I could just have it both ways. Which is unfair to everyone. I want a clear cut answer and no one can give me one. Everyone is upset and it's no one's fault but my own. I'm trying to ignore what other people want. I know I need to do what I want and what I need ( Read more... )

How do you say goodbye to the person you've loved for almost 4 years of your life? That's one fifth of my life.

I guess this is the end of the jellybean.