So I got home at like 12:23 tonight (this morning if you are a fag) and there was this racoon in my driveway, the little fucker was all like, "Ooh, I'm a big bad nasty rodent, I'ma gunna bite you!" So I kicked that mo fugga in the teeth, most bad ass thing ever, the only drawback to this, it scared me so much, I literally shit my pants.

Man, I'm soooo STUPID! I'm Michael Murray, this is my story, It's gonna go the way I want it to! I figured it out now, all I got to do, is not do anything at all! Everyone knows being Sublimely awesome comes naturally to Michael Murray. Peace out homies, prepare to bend over and be my bitch yet again life! I love Friday the 13th!

Oh how I long for your delicious taste
If not for these braces, with feverish haste
I'd buy you by the score
Eat you like a whore
Until she did cum
Goddamn, I miss chewing gum

Friday the 13th, so you've reared your ugly head yet again. You foul mouthed drunk, I condemn you and all of your lewd acts. Parental Cntrol stuck on Tv, a nice start, but you don't know who you are messing with, I am Michael Murray, I have boundless good luck, a chisled sexy body, looks that would make David Hasselhoff feel insecure as a ( Read more... )

Nolife13666 [3:22 AM]: Judge ( Read more... )

Well, once again kiddos, I am Michael Murray, friend to all, vanquisher of assholes, and noble to a fault. Only this time, I'm wiser, I understand that life very rarely is about what you want, and instead doing what others want. Doing what's right isn't always doing what's easy, or what comes naturaly. Life isn't easy, espescially alone, but I know ( Read more... )

GRYFFINDOR ( Read more... )

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be ( Read more... )

So here's how it went down... I was working door, fof you who are retaded that means I was the guy ripping tickets and directing people, and this lady who just happened to be missing a leg asks me if she can go outside to smoke then comeback in. I said, that's fine, but youve got to show me your stub when you come back. The lady then glared at me ( Read more... )

MMM...me mother is growing to be ever the thorn in me side....mmmm.. me thinks me should devise a plan to skin da bitch alive....mmmm....methinks this is a gewd plan....mmmm yargh