Fanfiction - Life in Kansai (Aka, I screwed up and you're a Kanjuu now).
Title: Life in Kansai (Aka, I screwed up and you're a Kanjuu now).
Author: crazy_otaku911
Pairing: Yabu/Takaki, BAD/Takaki friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's the small things will make or break something and when a strange twist of fate has Yabu reliving his life with Takaki as a Kanjuu, he finds that all the small things turn into a huge gap in his life.
Disclaimer: This work is purely fiction.
Warnings: Minor language, implied/vague sex-ish things, angst.
A/N: Beta'd by hotfruits ♥ ; Written for sweetmilano90. I hope this is something you enjoy. I tried to keep what you asked for in mind, but I suppose there's a lot more Yabu in this and uhm, it's not exactly reality but it is? I really tried! This just came... ahaha, spewing out.
Slightly deceptive title is slightly deceptive but it's what the doc was called and I couldn't think of what to change it to.
Takaki was mad.
He hadn't actually said anything, but he didn't really have to. The fact that he was stomping around the hotel and repacking his suitcase with a vengeance, his mouth fixed in a thin line, was enough to tip Yabu off.
“Yuuyan, what's up?” He asked tentatively, naturally concerned. Takaki had seemed fine during the concert and all the post concert wrapping up, but he'd been in a stormy mood since then.
“Nothing,” Takaki told him flatly.
“Right.” Yabu rolled his eyes as he continued to watch. “No really, Yuya, what's wrong?”
Takaki turned to give him an acidic look. “Something's wrong?” he asked, sounding overly sarcastic. “Why should anything be wrong?”
“I don't know,” Yabu replied back, feeling bitten. “Just maybe because you're acting like someone shoved a stick up your ass?”
“Maybe that's because my boyfriend is acting like an assbag.” Takaki snapped, whirling around to stare at Yabu, eyes flashing.
“What the fuck did I do!?” Yabu demanded, unable to keep the words in when faced with that accusation.
Takaki snorted at him, hands on hips, before pitching his voice up in a mocking imitation of Yabu's more nasally voice. “Oh wasn't it just so funny when Yuuyan tripped during Your Seed and wasn't it so hilarious when he messed up during the MC? Ah, he's such a cute idiot.” For the last sentence, Takaki's tone turned to that of scathing contempt.
“I didn't say that,” Yabu shot back defensively, though now that he thought about it, he had said some similar comments as they showered and changed. It had been kind of funny, watching Takaki's expressions as he flailed in panic, trying to get back into position. It had been cute.
“Oh fuck off, Kouta,” Takaki turned back to his suitcase, lips thinning even more, looking more stormy with every passing second.
“Hey,” Yabu reached out, trying to pull Takaki closer. “Come on, we're always saying stuff like that, you know we don't mean it.”
“Then don't say it,” Takaki jerked away from his touch, but returned to glaring at him. “You know I hate it so just don't fucking say it. It's not funny so just fucking quit it.”
“Well geez, Mister, I must have missed the memo saying we're not allowed to have sense of humor.”
Takaki exploded at him, cheeks flushing a bright red as his hands curled into fists. “There's nothing funny about it, dammit. Okay, fine, I fucked it up, but you don't have to keep on going on about how I make the most mistakes. You think I don't try, Kouta!? Because I do, but damn, you guys make it hard sometimes. And you're the worst about it because you know. You're such a fucking asshole.”
Yabu felt the air go cold as he felt the familiar bubbling anger. They'd had variations of this fight before, but he still felt the urge to lash back out. “Stop being such a sensitive priss, Yuya,” he snapped. “You should know we don't mean it and we'd laugh just as much if it were Inoo-chan or Keito.”
Takaki didn't look placated in the least. “Oh right, and that's supposed to make me feel better. My boyfriend thinks it's all in good fun to mock me in front of the entire group and staff.” He was practically spitting out each word at that point, voice rising an octave or two.
“Takaki Yuya, will you fucking get over yourself!?” Yabu yelled right back at him, too tired to try being being reasonable anymore. “God, you're such a baby and you take everything so damned personal when you know, you know, nobody means a fucking thing by it. Get over yourself, Yuya, it's not like everyone's out to get you. They're not. I'm not.”
“Of course you're not,” Takaki shrieked back at him. “That would imply that you actually cared.”
“I don't care?” Yabu spluttered at him, feeling the irrational urge to sock Takaki in the gut and he knew Takaki was fighting it too. “I don't care? Then why the hell do I even put up with your stupid bitching and being insecure over every damn thing? Why?” His lip curled in disdain. “Fuck this, Yuya, sometimes I wished you had just stayed in Osaka.”
With that, he turned heel and stomped out of the hotel room, door slamming shut behind him, still feeling his blood boil. He knew he had cheated, stabbing into Takaki's weaknesses, but it was unfair to have him digging in like that. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he cursed under his breath, but he wasn't really sure who he was talking to.
It was hours before he returned to the hotel room, slipping in quietly. Takaki was asleep already, curled up in his own bed instead of occupying one side of Yabu's like he had been for the past few days. Yabu sighed, rubbing his eyes as he slid under the covers. He was too tired; he'd smooth things over in the morning.
With that, he fell asleep, words from the fight coming back to swirl around his thoughts as he drifted.
Sometimes I wish you had just stayed in Osaka.
He dreamed that he was in a room. It was a plain room, no windows, no doors. Just white walls, a wood floor, and a mirror. Feeling drawn to the mirror, he took a step forward, peering into it. There was nothing there except his own reflection. At least, that's what he thought.
Then his reflection spoke to him.
“You know, you really should be more careful about what you wish for, stupid.”
He leaped back, falling onto his rear, scrambling away, but this time, his reflection didn't move with him. It stood there, wearing his face and looking stern. “What the hell.”
“Hey, stick with me, dumbhead,” his reflection rolled its eyes expressively and crouched to level with him. “You really wish he'd stayed in Osaka, huh?”
Why was he still dreaming about this. He gritted his teeth, hauling himself to his feet and turning away. “Nose in your own business,” he growled. “So what if I did?”
“You have no idea, do you?” His reflection sighed. “Fine, fine... Don't say I didn't warn you.”
“What are you even talking about?” Yabu demanded, feeling rather disturbed. Unusually disturbed for it being a dream.
“Wishes,” his reflection said with a shrug. “I said be careful what you wish for. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it? The damage is done.”
Yabu opened his mouth, wanting to ask just exactly what his crazy reflection meant by that but everything seemed to shift and change, the mirror fogging up until he realized he felt heavy, tired... and that he was awake.
He groaned, curling up into a ball. He wasn't ready to be awake. The dream still lingered in his mind, but he wasn't ready to wake up and have to face Takaki after last night. It was always better to let Takaki blow off steam for a day or so before approaching him, but last night had been bad enough... maybe he really needed to just get it over with now.
Suddenly there was a pounding on the door and he sat bolt upright in bed, receiving the second shock of the past few hours.
He wasn't in their hotel room.
He was in his own room.
Staring around in alarm, he nearly jumped out of his skin as his mother barged in. “Kouta, why aren't you up already?” She exclaimed in dismay. “Really now, you have work today. Get up, get up, breakfast is ready, you have to go soon.”
“Huh?” He stared at her and she clucked, shaking her head.
“I bet you stayed up late watching movies,” She started again, scolding lightly as she bustled around, pulling clothes out of his drawers. “Silly boy, you'll just have to sleep early tonight.” Handing him an outfit, she tugged him out of bed and told him to get ready quickly or there would be no breakfast for him.
He frowned as he held up the clothes she'd given him. It was his favorite practice outfit. Black sweats and an AC Milan soccer club shirt.
He had thrown the shirt out six months ago because he'd accidentally snagged it and torn a rip halfway up the back.
Pulling the outfit on and relaxing naturally in its comfortable feel, he groped around for his phone, pulling it towards him and flipping it open. He still felt so confused. Why was he in his own bedroom? Nothing could have happened or his mother would be acting more concerned...
The first thing that caught his eye was the date on his screen and his heart skipped a few beats.
April 1st, 2007.
“Stupid phone,” he muttered, shoving it in his pocket, but his mind was not so easily settled. He managed to get through breakfast and out the door before he gave up on trying to shut out the thoughts laced with paranoia that were running rampant in the back of his mind.
What if he was dreaming again? This was the past. Nearly four years ago, and he was dreaming about it. He ran over the date for a moment, trying to think of what was going on. Was it a significant date? He couldn't think of anything.
Having been so muddled, he missed the first train and was subsequently late for work. A black haired, gangly Hikaru enthusiastically greeted him.
Yabu realized he hadn't looked in a mirror since waking up as this younger Hikaru bear hugged him. “Dude, Bushface, you tooootally missed the big news.”
“I what?” Yabu stepped back, blinking, still trying to wrap his mind over the fact that he was vividly dreaming about going to work as a seventeen year old.
“They're making a new unit!” Hikaru waved his hand, gesturing to the practice halls behind him. “They're going to be making a single and everything!”
“Ehhhh?” Yabu's eyes widened and then he remembered what the day was. It was the day they'd been told about the original Hey!Say!7. “Ooh, Hey!Say!7.”
“What?!” Hikaru jabbed at him. “You knew? And you didn't tell me? Yabu, why so mean?”
“I... ah,” he stumbled, having forgotten that he didn't know the things he knew as a twenty-year old. “No, no, I just heard about the name...” he said weakly. “That's all.”
“Oooh... snooping around, eh?” Hikaru's good mood was instantly restored. “But dude, the selection is kinda funny, right? They're pulling Ari-chan from JJExpress, and then there's Yama-chan and Yuto and Chinen.”
Yabu had been nodding absentmindedly, but his attention was caught by that. “What about Takaki?”
“What about him?” Hikaru looked puzzled.
“Isn't he part of...?” Yabu looked over, matching Hikaru's expression with one of his own.
“Wooow~,” Hikaru said finally, patting Yabu on the back. “Dude, Yabu, you need to gossip with better sources. Why the heck would we pull someone from the Kansai Juniors for this?”
And it hit Yabu so hard he felt his knees buckle.
“You know, you really should be more careful about what you wish for, stupid.”
“Fuck this, Yuya, sometimes I wished you had just stayed in Osaka.”
“But I guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it? The damage is done.”
Oh god, what had he done?
“Kouta, are you okay?” Hikaru was leaning down, his normally cheerful demeanor dropped for concern. “You really do not look good.”
“I think I'm going to be sick,” Yabu muttered before bolting towards the bathrooms.
He locked himself in a stall, trying to breathe or at least get his thoughts back in order. Breathe in, breathe out - don't be stupid, Yabu Kouta, as if you could go back into the past - breathe in, breathe out.
When he finally stopped feeling like he was going to hurl, he stepped out of the stall, thinking a splash of cold water would help. He carefully avoided the mirror, lest it speak to him again. He didn't want to know, he really, really did not want to know.
There was no way this was anything more than a dream, he told himself, leaving it at that.
The rest of the day was slow torture. He knew the songs they were working perfectly, but the fact that every time he looked to either side, there was Taiyou and Shoon, he found himself floundering, unable to keep up properly.
“Hikaru said you were sick earlier,” Shoon told him over break and Yabu nearly choked on the water he'd just drank. “You're really not looking good.”
Yabu wiped his mouth, looking away. “Just tired,” he lied. “I stayed up too late.”
“Dork,” Shoon laughed and Yabu felt his heart skip erratically. “You should know better by now.”
Mentally Yabu agreed, but if his older mental self didn't know better than he knew his younger self wouldn't have either. Instead, he just nodded and busied himself with his water bottle until their break ended.
By the end of the day, he felt sore, grouchy, and unbelievably exhausted. It wasn't until he'd crawled into bed that he finally relaxed. He was going to wake up now, from this nightmarish backflash of his life. (That Takaki hadn't been there all day, he ignored.) Repeating that to himself, he fell into a blissfully blank sleep.
Waking up is a completely different story, when Yabu realizes that he's still in his own room and seventeen.
It was nearly two weeks before he actually saw Takaki and by then, he'd almost forgotten what had happened. It all came crashing back on him when a group of noisy boys come trooping down the hallways for pre-Shokura rehearsals.
There he was. It was Takaki, but he wasn't much exactly as Yabu remembered - physically, anyways. His hair was still black, longer than Takaki had usually worn, the tips lightening to a near blond and worked back in a ponytail.
But his smile was still the same.
Yabu stops breathing for what feels like an eternity, his eyes glued to Takaki as the other approached, and doing it quite obviously because Takaki stopped, brows knitted in confusion. “Something wrong?”
“H-hi, Yuuyan,” he blurted out, before cursing at himself. Idiot. But he couldn't think of what else he would have said.
The nickname seemed to throw Takaki off though and he took a step back, eyebrow raised slightly. “Err... Hi, Yabu-kun...”
“YO, TAKACCHI,” Akito could be heard hollering farther down the hallway. “Booty this way, let's get this show on the road!”
Casting one last confused look at Yabu, Takaki nodded and scrambled after the rest of the Kansai Juniors.
“Well,” Shoon said dryly at Yabu's elbow. “That was odd.”
Yabu ducked his head, mumbling any sort of excuse before rushing off to the bathrooms, needing to compose himself or something. His breathing felt all shaky and his mind was buzzing.
“Fuck, what's going on?” he groaned as he stared at the mirror in the bathroom.
Instead of grimacing back at him, his reflection rolled it's eyes and Yabu felt a little more of his sanity die. “I told you. It's taken you this long to stop denying?”
“I didn't...I...” Yabu stared at the mirror. “What happened?”
His reflection didn't answer and Yabu knew it had been a slightly stupid question. “He's part of BAD?”
“Mhm,” his reflection hummed. “Part of BAD, still thinks Domoto Koichi walks on water, and generally happy with his life.”
Yabu's eyes narrowed. “Yuya was happy with us too.”
“Was he?” his reflection returned. “More to the point, were you? How do you think this mess happened?”
Yabu opened his mouth to protest and then shut it. What was he even doing, arguing with a mirror?
Besides, that was a ridiculous question. He loved Takaki.
(In the back of his mind, he tried to ignore the voice saying that maybe he had meant those words that night.)
Life did not sit easy with Yabu for the next few months. It didn't help that Hey!Say!7 got so much attention at work, a whole extra reminder that life was not as it should have been. (But you wanted it like this, that nasty voice in the back of Yabu's head said.)
Hey!Say! debuted on the top of the charts, the group all extremely young and extremely short. A great accomplishment, except Yabu knew things are different backstage.
“It's weird,” Yuto admitted to him one day. “Like, mostly it's fine except... well, Chinen and Daiki get into fights reeeally easily. And sometimes Yamada joins in...or me, really. I don't know, it just feels really weird sometimes cause Daiki's still part of JJExpress and everything, but we're... Hey!Say!7. It just feels messy, you know?”
There had been a few things Yabu had wanted to say, something about Takaki or maybe the upcoming debut of JUMP, but... well, there was nothing he really could say. Patting Yuto sympathetically on the back, Yabu felt an uncomfortable prickle in his stomach.
JUMP's debut.
That was coming up all too soon. He sighed to himself, glancing over to where Shoon was forcing Taiyou through stretches. He didn't want to think about losing them again or any of the other traumas of debut.
He wondered if Takaki was still going to somehow debut by his side.
BAD was on Shokura again and Yabu listened to their MC segment with Koyama and Nakamaru, morbidly curious as he watched Takaki from the wings, flanked by Kiriyama and Nakama.
“So we're told that when BAD goes traveling, you all just squish in the same hotel room,” Koyama cheerfully nudged at them.
“It's true,” they all nodded.
“Well, BAD, you know... we're more than just bandmates, right?” Kiriyama took over, waving his hands around to emphasize his words (not that he needed to). “We're really close, it's kinda more like family. Like, my mom'll text Junta to see what I'm doing, if I'm behaving and I know she calls Yuuyan to see how he's doing because she claims I don't keep her updated on him well enough.”
Takaki threw his head back, laughing. “She really does~.”
“Also,” Junta picked up where they left off. “I think we've just come to understand where our limits are. Like, sometimes I just really, really want to get a dance number down perfect and Akito starts goofing off. Sometimes I get snappy about it, but you know, it's his way of getting rid of stress.”
“And sometimes there's parts of the choreography that I just can't get,” Takaki admitted, blushing. “So sometimes I mess up, even when we're in concerts and stuff, and it's suuuper embarrassing and sometimes they tease me for it... but you know, they always can tell when I'm upset over a mistake or not.”
Kiriyama and Nakama both nodded. “Yeah, yeah, because you know, it is kinda funny, not gonna lie,” Akito laughed. “He's such a dork sometimes but you know, we all try hard and stuff, so it's better to just keep on going strong instead of getting tripped up on something like that. As long as we try our best, right?”
“Amaaaaazing,” Nakamaru followed up, turning to smile at the camera, letting Koyama go on about how awesome their member-ai is and how that's the most important part of a unit as the three headed to the stage.
Yabu felt like there was a rock sitting in his stomach.
They all sat in shell-shocked silence - contrived or not - staring at Julie. “Y-you're kidding,” Inoo said finally, voice cracking.
She smiled warmly, shaking her head. “This is a big moment. Nine members is a lot of people, but we've also decided to have two sub-groups. The older four and the younger five. Hey!Say!BEST and we're keeping the name Hey!Say!7.”
Nine members, Yabu bit his lip, smoothing his hands over his jeans to keep them from shaking.
It was a lot like how he remembered, except he could vaguely remember one boy - one that wasn't there - asking more questions as he pulled Chinen onto his lap.
Nine members.
After Julie left, they all looked to him. He should have expected that, but he felt his heart flip-flop as he looked into their eyes. He still felt too raw to deal with this, but he could feel the electric currents of elation, surprise, and nervous tension.
Managing a smile, he held out his hand. “Let's go, Hey!Say!JUMP.”
Hikaru and Inoo returned his smile and they all crowded around, some more reluctant than others, but in the end, it was all of them yelling “We are Hey!Say!JUMP!”
Nine members.
Are you Hey!Say!JUMP? he asked himself sourly, but kept the smile plastered on his face as he faced everyone else as the news broke out.
The preparation for JUMP's first concert tour felt something like a disaster. It was more than the fact that they didn't have many songs at all and therefore the Juniors had to perform extensive medleys to make up for it, it was more than the fact that they looked like idiots when compared to Kis-My-Ft2's power performances or ABC's sleek moves.
It was the fact that they didn't feel like a group anyways.
Yabu had always known that even if wasn't official, he was the leader. Being the oldest and one of the most experienced and popular ones guaranteed that everyone ended up going to you about things. This time around wasn't any different in that aspect.
But now it felt like he just couldn't win.
“I hate you!” Chinen screeched at him, bursting into tears. “You always side with Hikaru and that's not fair!”
“Geez,” Hikaru grimaced at their smallest member. “Breathe, it's not like I killed your cat.”
“Guys,” Yabu tried to interject but Chinen stomped his foot.
“You're so stupid,” he shouted at them. “I hate you all!” before barreling out of the dressing room.
There was a pregnant pause and then Yamada and Yuto slowly pulled themselves away from the sidelines, slinking after Chinen, an air of disapproval around them. There was another stretch of silence and Ryutarou and Keito followed after them as well.
Rubbing his eyes, Yabu looked at the door and then at the three remaining members, all of whom avoided his gaze.
The fights he could remember, clearly. Some of them had been nasty; others had even gotten violent.
But Yabu couldn't help but picture a gentle smile and soft fingers as they ran through Chinen's hair, soothing him. He couldn't help but remember strong arms throwing themselves around Keito and telling him he needed to tag along.
He couldn't remember such a big gap existing between BEST and 7.
“This,” their manager pointed to the board, “is what the tour set list is going to look like. We'll pull out with introductions, start off with Ultra Music Power, introduce the major Junior groups, and move on from there. Since this is JUMP's first tour, we have a lot of the major Junior units supporting. We'll have Kis-My-Ft2, ABC, MAD, Sanada, Hashimoto, and so on. We'll also be pulling two groups from Kansai Juniors - BAD and Nakayama Yuma.”
After that, their manager started rattling off other details and most of JUMP tuned him out. Most of what he had left to say didn't involve them and since the announcement of their debut, it had been a constant barrage of new information.
Yabu's thoughts, however, were stuck on the performance list.
BAD was touring with them.
Takaki was touring with them.
JUMP life had settled into a tentative routine. Chinen no longer burst into tears every other day but Yabu still found himself running around, and making sure that people still spoke to Keito when Yuto was busy with Yamada and that Inoo and Ryutarou didn't end up in cat spats, and that Hikaru wasn't completely despairing over the loss of Shoon and Taiyou.
Perhaps the first time around really had been this bad.
Or maybe it's just because he was starting to wake up every day and get reminders of Takaki not being there shoved in his face. It had been easy to push them away before debut, but the differences in vocals, choreography, and photoshoots plagued him.
Shutting himself in his room and sinking down onto his bed, Yabu closed his eyes, thinking about Takaki, drowning himself in memories of starlight eyes, warm caresses, and the sweetest voice whispering that he was loved.
“I love you too,” he told the cold, empty air, and felt foolish for it afterward.
But in his mind, Takaki smiled. It was good enough for Yabu.
“I think Yabu's got a fever,” Inoo whispered loudly to Hikaru. “He keeps on staring off at BAD.”
“I think you're right,” Hikaru replied conspiratorially. “The question is... which one, why, and how bad is the infection?”
“What?” Yabu snapped, flushing as he turned away, ignoring the fact that his eyes had been trained on Takaki's butt for the past fifteen minutes.
“Aw, c'mon, Yabu, you're drooling,” Yabu's best friend jabbed him in the stomach and then glanced over at the line of mirrors where BAD was stretching. “Now the question is... which one? Kiriyama-kun doesn't seem like your type... and neither does Nakama-kun.... Takaki-kun?”
“None of them,” Yabu grumbled, concentrating on his sneakers.
“Duuude, if it's Takaki-kun, you're screwed,” Inoo crowed in amusement.
“What? Why?” Narrowing his eyes, Yabu frowned. “It doesn't even matter!”
“Yabu, Yabu, Yabu~,” Hikaru draped an arm around him, shaking his head. “You seriously have not been paying attention to the rumor mill... Takaki never settles on aaaaanyone. Not even you.”
“It doesn't matter, I wasn't looking...” Yabu groaned inwardly, knowing that once Inoo and Hikaru got the idea in their heads, they wouldn't let go of it and soon the whole group and maybe most of the Jimusho would know.
The sounds of Hikaru's laughter caused Takaki to turn around and Yabu felt his heart do a little back-flip, just because Takaki was smiling.
Yabu's concentration was shot to hell by the time their concert tour started. It was more than just not having Takaki in JUMP, it was not having Takaki at all. It was an ache Yabu couldn't be rid of.
There was alcohol on Takaki's breath, but it couldn't have been any stronger than what was on Yabu's tongue as they tumbled down onto the bed.
They'd barely spoken more than fifty words to each other for the past six months, and yet somehow Yabu had him pinned down beneath him, dark eyes - darker than usual - meeting his own gaze. “Yabu-kun...”
Yabu closed his eyes, teeth grazing over Takaki's throat, feeling his breath hitch. “Call me Kouta.” He wasn't sure how they'd gotten like this, but he remembers beer and maybe a dare or two.
(“Bet you can't get him out of his shirt,” Fujigaya snorts at Yabu in amusement, surrounded by similarly drunken Juniors and miscellaneous JUMP members.
“Bet you I don't need his help,” Takaki shoots back, smirking.)
Takaki's body is familiar to Yabu's touch. He can remember all the sensitive spots, places to lick and nip at to get Takaki shuddering beneath him, mewling. It was hard and fast, but Takaki's soft demands for more are intoxicating and in the end, Yabu doesn't hold himself back.
He held Takaki in his arms hours later, feeling sated and more relaxed than he could recall feeling before. Takaki's even breathing, a sign that he had already fallen asleep, made Yabu smile.
“I... I've missed you,” he breathed, nose buried in Takaki's hair and just wanting to hold him close for forever. The night would end, but he didn't want it to. He wanted to stay in the dark, tangled with Takaki, warm and safe.
His breathing soon matched Takaki's as he fell into a deep slumber, still secretly wishing that he'd wake up and Takaki would still be there.
He supposed he shouldn't have felt so disappointed when he woke up alone in bed, with nothing but a splitting headache.
He and Takaki went on like that night had never happened. The tour finished with all the success that had been hoped for, JUMP was doing fairly well for an infant group, and Yabu still fell like screaming every time he realized that Takaki wasn't going to be there.
It felt kind of like a heart break, but maybe resembled something closer to a train wreck.
Yabu drifted off into his own thoughts, thinking about how he first started feeling something for Takaki. It had been during the filming of Dreams Come True, back when things had still been a little awkward for them, but there had been something about Takaki's smile that had Yabu's heart fluttering.
“I never thought I'd actually be doing this,” Takaki had told him, gesturing to the set around them. “I mean, everyone was betting on you and all, but I never thought...” he trailed off and grinned. “But it's cool like this, ne? I like working with Yabu-kun.”
Yabu had laughed, flushing slightly. “Yeah well, really... I'm just Yabu Kouta. It's nothing spectacular.”
Takaki's smile grew brighter and Yabu felt his concentration wane. “Doesn't matter. I still like working with you.”
It was another dream, the mirror stretched out on the wall in front of him. He started at it, stepping forward and his reflection gazed back in apathy.
“I can't do this,” he said finally.
“It's your fault,” his reflection points out anyways. “Deal with it.”
“No,” Yabu shook his head. “I never meant for it to be like this. I can't do this. I can't deal with him being around and not... being with him.”
There was a long pause as his reflection regarded him. “You really want to go back to how things were?”
Yabu nodded. “I never wanted...it to change before.” Things shouted in the heat of anger should have never been taken seriously and Yabu had regretted what he'd said for months now, letting it eat away at the back of his mind, slowly, parasitically.
His reflection's eyes narrowed, before slowly nodding as well. “I see... But. I'm not really the one who can change things... If you want to go back to how things were, you're going to have to ask him.”
“Who?”
“Him.” His reflection indicated something over Yabu's shoulder and he turned to see, feeling his breath catch in his throat as he realized who was standing on the other side of the room.
“Yuya...”
It was Takaki, looking just as Yabu envisioned him. Not the one he'd seen for the past months but his Takaki, looking wonderfully real.
Takaki was silent, head tilted slightly, and Yabu knew from experience that he'd stay that way until Yabu said what he was supposed to say.
“I'm sorry,” he finally said and once that was out of the way, it was like a dam had broken and he found himself blurting out everything else. “I was stupid, Yuya and just... I've missed you so much and it hurts, seeing you and not being able to hug you like I used to and I just...I just need you, Yuya. I know I screwed up, but I never meant it like that, I swear. I just... please, I want... I want to go back to how we were.”
He wasn't sure if he said more or if his thoughts just went on when his mouth stopped, but eventually he realized that he'd gone silent and Takaki was still just looking at him.
“Was it so bad?” he felt compelled to ask. “Were we so bad?”
Finally, Takaki looked away and Yabu felt his insides clench.
“It was different,” Takaki finally said. “You know... being in BAD instead of JUMP. I always wanted to debut, but you know... Akito and Junta mean a lot to me. We're really close and... I don't know, it's easier to just be myself around them.”
Wordlessly, Yabu nodded. What was he supposed to say to something like that?
Maybe they really had been doomed from the start.
“And yeah,” and Takaki brought his gaze back up to meet Yabu's, “we fight and yeah... you do say a lot of dumb things.” Yabu swallowed at that, wincing, but Takaki suddenly grinned. “But you know... Akito and Junta will always be there for me, no matter what. And I kinda said I loved you once. I still mean it.”
Finally Yabu couldn't control himself, reaching out to yank Takaki into his arms, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.
“Is that a yes?” he murmured, feeling Takaki lean into his embrace.
For a moment, Takaki said nothing, just nuzzling into his neck, but then the small whisper came.
“Yes.”
Yabu woke with a start, shooting up in bed, the blankets all a tangled mess around his legs.
It was dark, and for a moment he couldn't figure out where he was until his eyes adjusted. He was in his hotel room, just as if nothing happened.
Almost.
Curled up against him, fast asleep and looking just as perfect as ever, was Takaki Yuya. Yabu stared down at him, reaching out to gently trace a finger on his cheek, blinking away vivid images of a nine member JUMP and a gap in his life, feeling the muddled daze of his mind slowly clear as he realized that Takaki was wonderfully solid and he wasn't going anywhere.
Smiling, Yabu settled back down under the covers, slipping his arms around the other and smiling. Maybe he'd just had an rather unusual dream. Or maybe he was just crazy.
It didn't seem to matter much, he decided, nuzzling into Takaki's hair and falling back to sleep.
Upon waking up, Takaki claimed that he still hadn't forgiven Yabu and he'd merely migrated because his bed had been an ice box.
It didn't stop him from claiming the spot next to Yabu when they loaded up on the bus, in the name of needing a nap as he rested his head on Yabu's shoulder.
“You know,” Takaki whispered, just loud enough for Yabu to hear. “It wasn't the same without you either.”
_______________________________________________________________
A/N: Classic example of a good idea gone incoherent. Messier than I had intended, but the words basically typed themselves out and while they could do with a clean-up, I overall really like the idea.
Author: crazy_otaku911
Pairing: Yabu/Takaki, BAD/Takaki friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's the small things will make or break something and when a strange twist of fate has Yabu reliving his life with Takaki as a Kanjuu, he finds that all the small things turn into a huge gap in his life.
Disclaimer: This work is purely fiction.
Warnings: Minor language, implied/vague sex-ish things, angst.
A/N: Beta'd by hotfruits ♥ ; Written for sweetmilano90. I hope this is something you enjoy. I tried to keep what you asked for in mind, but I suppose there's a lot more Yabu in this and uhm, it's not exactly reality but it is? I really tried! This just came... ahaha, spewing out.
Slightly deceptive title is slightly deceptive but it's what the doc was called and I couldn't think of what to change it to.
Takaki was mad.
He hadn't actually said anything, but he didn't really have to. The fact that he was stomping around the hotel and repacking his suitcase with a vengeance, his mouth fixed in a thin line, was enough to tip Yabu off.
“Yuuyan, what's up?” He asked tentatively, naturally concerned. Takaki had seemed fine during the concert and all the post concert wrapping up, but he'd been in a stormy mood since then.
“Nothing,” Takaki told him flatly.
“Right.” Yabu rolled his eyes as he continued to watch. “No really, Yuya, what's wrong?”
Takaki turned to give him an acidic look. “Something's wrong?” he asked, sounding overly sarcastic. “Why should anything be wrong?”
“I don't know,” Yabu replied back, feeling bitten. “Just maybe because you're acting like someone shoved a stick up your ass?”
“Maybe that's because my boyfriend is acting like an assbag.” Takaki snapped, whirling around to stare at Yabu, eyes flashing.
“What the fuck did I do!?” Yabu demanded, unable to keep the words in when faced with that accusation.
Takaki snorted at him, hands on hips, before pitching his voice up in a mocking imitation of Yabu's more nasally voice. “Oh wasn't it just so funny when Yuuyan tripped during Your Seed and wasn't it so hilarious when he messed up during the MC? Ah, he's such a cute idiot.” For the last sentence, Takaki's tone turned to that of scathing contempt.
“I didn't say that,” Yabu shot back defensively, though now that he thought about it, he had said some similar comments as they showered and changed. It had been kind of funny, watching Takaki's expressions as he flailed in panic, trying to get back into position. It had been cute.
“Oh fuck off, Kouta,” Takaki turned back to his suitcase, lips thinning even more, looking more stormy with every passing second.
“Hey,” Yabu reached out, trying to pull Takaki closer. “Come on, we're always saying stuff like that, you know we don't mean it.”
“Then don't say it,” Takaki jerked away from his touch, but returned to glaring at him. “You know I hate it so just don't fucking say it. It's not funny so just fucking quit it.”
“Well geez, Mister, I must have missed the memo saying we're not allowed to have sense of humor.”
Takaki exploded at him, cheeks flushing a bright red as his hands curled into fists. “There's nothing funny about it, dammit. Okay, fine, I fucked it up, but you don't have to keep on going on about how I make the most mistakes. You think I don't try, Kouta!? Because I do, but damn, you guys make it hard sometimes. And you're the worst about it because you know. You're such a fucking asshole.”
Yabu felt the air go cold as he felt the familiar bubbling anger. They'd had variations of this fight before, but he still felt the urge to lash back out. “Stop being such a sensitive priss, Yuya,” he snapped. “You should know we don't mean it and we'd laugh just as much if it were Inoo-chan or Keito.”
Takaki didn't look placated in the least. “Oh right, and that's supposed to make me feel better. My boyfriend thinks it's all in good fun to mock me in front of the entire group and staff.” He was practically spitting out each word at that point, voice rising an octave or two.
“Takaki Yuya, will you fucking get over yourself!?” Yabu yelled right back at him, too tired to try being being reasonable anymore. “God, you're such a baby and you take everything so damned personal when you know, you know, nobody means a fucking thing by it. Get over yourself, Yuya, it's not like everyone's out to get you. They're not. I'm not.”
“Of course you're not,” Takaki shrieked back at him. “That would imply that you actually cared.”
“I don't care?” Yabu spluttered at him, feeling the irrational urge to sock Takaki in the gut and he knew Takaki was fighting it too. “I don't care? Then why the hell do I even put up with your stupid bitching and being insecure over every damn thing? Why?” His lip curled in disdain. “Fuck this, Yuya, sometimes I wished you had just stayed in Osaka.”
With that, he turned heel and stomped out of the hotel room, door slamming shut behind him, still feeling his blood boil. He knew he had cheated, stabbing into Takaki's weaknesses, but it was unfair to have him digging in like that. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he cursed under his breath, but he wasn't really sure who he was talking to.
It was hours before he returned to the hotel room, slipping in quietly. Takaki was asleep already, curled up in his own bed instead of occupying one side of Yabu's like he had been for the past few days. Yabu sighed, rubbing his eyes as he slid under the covers. He was too tired; he'd smooth things over in the morning.
With that, he fell asleep, words from the fight coming back to swirl around his thoughts as he drifted.
Sometimes I wish you had just stayed in Osaka.
He dreamed that he was in a room. It was a plain room, no windows, no doors. Just white walls, a wood floor, and a mirror. Feeling drawn to the mirror, he took a step forward, peering into it. There was nothing there except his own reflection. At least, that's what he thought.
Then his reflection spoke to him.
“You know, you really should be more careful about what you wish for, stupid.”
He leaped back, falling onto his rear, scrambling away, but this time, his reflection didn't move with him. It stood there, wearing his face and looking stern. “What the hell.”
“Hey, stick with me, dumbhead,” his reflection rolled its eyes expressively and crouched to level with him. “You really wish he'd stayed in Osaka, huh?”
Why was he still dreaming about this. He gritted his teeth, hauling himself to his feet and turning away. “Nose in your own business,” he growled. “So what if I did?”
“You have no idea, do you?” His reflection sighed. “Fine, fine... Don't say I didn't warn you.”
“What are you even talking about?” Yabu demanded, feeling rather disturbed. Unusually disturbed for it being a dream.
“Wishes,” his reflection said with a shrug. “I said be careful what you wish for. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it? The damage is done.”
Yabu opened his mouth, wanting to ask just exactly what his crazy reflection meant by that but everything seemed to shift and change, the mirror fogging up until he realized he felt heavy, tired... and that he was awake.
He groaned, curling up into a ball. He wasn't ready to be awake. The dream still lingered in his mind, but he wasn't ready to wake up and have to face Takaki after last night. It was always better to let Takaki blow off steam for a day or so before approaching him, but last night had been bad enough... maybe he really needed to just get it over with now.
Suddenly there was a pounding on the door and he sat bolt upright in bed, receiving the second shock of the past few hours.
He wasn't in their hotel room.
He was in his own room.
Staring around in alarm, he nearly jumped out of his skin as his mother barged in. “Kouta, why aren't you up already?” She exclaimed in dismay. “Really now, you have work today. Get up, get up, breakfast is ready, you have to go soon.”
“Huh?” He stared at her and she clucked, shaking her head.
“I bet you stayed up late watching movies,” She started again, scolding lightly as she bustled around, pulling clothes out of his drawers. “Silly boy, you'll just have to sleep early tonight.” Handing him an outfit, she tugged him out of bed and told him to get ready quickly or there would be no breakfast for him.
He frowned as he held up the clothes she'd given him. It was his favorite practice outfit. Black sweats and an AC Milan soccer club shirt.
He had thrown the shirt out six months ago because he'd accidentally snagged it and torn a rip halfway up the back.
Pulling the outfit on and relaxing naturally in its comfortable feel, he groped around for his phone, pulling it towards him and flipping it open. He still felt so confused. Why was he in his own bedroom? Nothing could have happened or his mother would be acting more concerned...
The first thing that caught his eye was the date on his screen and his heart skipped a few beats.
April 1st, 2007.
“Stupid phone,” he muttered, shoving it in his pocket, but his mind was not so easily settled. He managed to get through breakfast and out the door before he gave up on trying to shut out the thoughts laced with paranoia that were running rampant in the back of his mind.
What if he was dreaming again? This was the past. Nearly four years ago, and he was dreaming about it. He ran over the date for a moment, trying to think of what was going on. Was it a significant date? He couldn't think of anything.
Having been so muddled, he missed the first train and was subsequently late for work. A black haired, gangly Hikaru enthusiastically greeted him.
Yabu realized he hadn't looked in a mirror since waking up as this younger Hikaru bear hugged him. “Dude, Bushface, you tooootally missed the big news.”
“I what?” Yabu stepped back, blinking, still trying to wrap his mind over the fact that he was vividly dreaming about going to work as a seventeen year old.
“They're making a new unit!” Hikaru waved his hand, gesturing to the practice halls behind him. “They're going to be making a single and everything!”
“Ehhhh?” Yabu's eyes widened and then he remembered what the day was. It was the day they'd been told about the original Hey!Say!7. “Ooh, Hey!Say!7.”
“What?!” Hikaru jabbed at him. “You knew? And you didn't tell me? Yabu, why so mean?”
“I... ah,” he stumbled, having forgotten that he didn't know the things he knew as a twenty-year old. “No, no, I just heard about the name...” he said weakly. “That's all.”
“Oooh... snooping around, eh?” Hikaru's good mood was instantly restored. “But dude, the selection is kinda funny, right? They're pulling Ari-chan from JJExpress, and then there's Yama-chan and Yuto and Chinen.”
Yabu had been nodding absentmindedly, but his attention was caught by that. “What about Takaki?”
“What about him?” Hikaru looked puzzled.
“Isn't he part of...?” Yabu looked over, matching Hikaru's expression with one of his own.
“Wooow~,” Hikaru said finally, patting Yabu on the back. “Dude, Yabu, you need to gossip with better sources. Why the heck would we pull someone from the Kansai Juniors for this?”
And it hit Yabu so hard he felt his knees buckle.
“You know, you really should be more careful about what you wish for, stupid.”
“Fuck this, Yuya, sometimes I wished you had just stayed in Osaka.”
“But I guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it? The damage is done.”
Oh god, what had he done?
“Kouta, are you okay?” Hikaru was leaning down, his normally cheerful demeanor dropped for concern. “You really do not look good.”
“I think I'm going to be sick,” Yabu muttered before bolting towards the bathrooms.
He locked himself in a stall, trying to breathe or at least get his thoughts back in order. Breathe in, breathe out - don't be stupid, Yabu Kouta, as if you could go back into the past - breathe in, breathe out.
When he finally stopped feeling like he was going to hurl, he stepped out of the stall, thinking a splash of cold water would help. He carefully avoided the mirror, lest it speak to him again. He didn't want to know, he really, really did not want to know.
There was no way this was anything more than a dream, he told himself, leaving it at that.
The rest of the day was slow torture. He knew the songs they were working perfectly, but the fact that every time he looked to either side, there was Taiyou and Shoon, he found himself floundering, unable to keep up properly.
“Hikaru said you were sick earlier,” Shoon told him over break and Yabu nearly choked on the water he'd just drank. “You're really not looking good.”
Yabu wiped his mouth, looking away. “Just tired,” he lied. “I stayed up too late.”
“Dork,” Shoon laughed and Yabu felt his heart skip erratically. “You should know better by now.”
Mentally Yabu agreed, but if his older mental self didn't know better than he knew his younger self wouldn't have either. Instead, he just nodded and busied himself with his water bottle until their break ended.
By the end of the day, he felt sore, grouchy, and unbelievably exhausted. It wasn't until he'd crawled into bed that he finally relaxed. He was going to wake up now, from this nightmarish backflash of his life. (That Takaki hadn't been there all day, he ignored.) Repeating that to himself, he fell into a blissfully blank sleep.
Waking up is a completely different story, when Yabu realizes that he's still in his own room and seventeen.
It was nearly two weeks before he actually saw Takaki and by then, he'd almost forgotten what had happened. It all came crashing back on him when a group of noisy boys come trooping down the hallways for pre-Shokura rehearsals.
There he was. It was Takaki, but he wasn't much exactly as Yabu remembered - physically, anyways. His hair was still black, longer than Takaki had usually worn, the tips lightening to a near blond and worked back in a ponytail.
But his smile was still the same.
Yabu stops breathing for what feels like an eternity, his eyes glued to Takaki as the other approached, and doing it quite obviously because Takaki stopped, brows knitted in confusion. “Something wrong?”
“H-hi, Yuuyan,” he blurted out, before cursing at himself. Idiot. But he couldn't think of what else he would have said.
The nickname seemed to throw Takaki off though and he took a step back, eyebrow raised slightly. “Err... Hi, Yabu-kun...”
“YO, TAKACCHI,” Akito could be heard hollering farther down the hallway. “Booty this way, let's get this show on the road!”
Casting one last confused look at Yabu, Takaki nodded and scrambled after the rest of the Kansai Juniors.
“Well,” Shoon said dryly at Yabu's elbow. “That was odd.”
Yabu ducked his head, mumbling any sort of excuse before rushing off to the bathrooms, needing to compose himself or something. His breathing felt all shaky and his mind was buzzing.
“Fuck, what's going on?” he groaned as he stared at the mirror in the bathroom.
Instead of grimacing back at him, his reflection rolled it's eyes and Yabu felt a little more of his sanity die. “I told you. It's taken you this long to stop denying?”
“I didn't...I...” Yabu stared at the mirror. “What happened?”
His reflection didn't answer and Yabu knew it had been a slightly stupid question. “He's part of BAD?”
“Mhm,” his reflection hummed. “Part of BAD, still thinks Domoto Koichi walks on water, and generally happy with his life.”
Yabu's eyes narrowed. “Yuya was happy with us too.”
“Was he?” his reflection returned. “More to the point, were you? How do you think this mess happened?”
Yabu opened his mouth to protest and then shut it. What was he even doing, arguing with a mirror?
Besides, that was a ridiculous question. He loved Takaki.
(In the back of his mind, he tried to ignore the voice saying that maybe he had meant those words that night.)
Life did not sit easy with Yabu for the next few months. It didn't help that Hey!Say!7 got so much attention at work, a whole extra reminder that life was not as it should have been. (But you wanted it like this, that nasty voice in the back of Yabu's head said.)
Hey!Say! debuted on the top of the charts, the group all extremely young and extremely short. A great accomplishment, except Yabu knew things are different backstage.
“It's weird,” Yuto admitted to him one day. “Like, mostly it's fine except... well, Chinen and Daiki get into fights reeeally easily. And sometimes Yamada joins in...or me, really. I don't know, it just feels really weird sometimes cause Daiki's still part of JJExpress and everything, but we're... Hey!Say!7. It just feels messy, you know?”
There had been a few things Yabu had wanted to say, something about Takaki or maybe the upcoming debut of JUMP, but... well, there was nothing he really could say. Patting Yuto sympathetically on the back, Yabu felt an uncomfortable prickle in his stomach.
JUMP's debut.
That was coming up all too soon. He sighed to himself, glancing over to where Shoon was forcing Taiyou through stretches. He didn't want to think about losing them again or any of the other traumas of debut.
He wondered if Takaki was still going to somehow debut by his side.
BAD was on Shokura again and Yabu listened to their MC segment with Koyama and Nakamaru, morbidly curious as he watched Takaki from the wings, flanked by Kiriyama and Nakama.
“So we're told that when BAD goes traveling, you all just squish in the same hotel room,” Koyama cheerfully nudged at them.
“It's true,” they all nodded.
“Well, BAD, you know... we're more than just bandmates, right?” Kiriyama took over, waving his hands around to emphasize his words (not that he needed to). “We're really close, it's kinda more like family. Like, my mom'll text Junta to see what I'm doing, if I'm behaving and I know she calls Yuuyan to see how he's doing because she claims I don't keep her updated on him well enough.”
Takaki threw his head back, laughing. “She really does~.”
“Also,” Junta picked up where they left off. “I think we've just come to understand where our limits are. Like, sometimes I just really, really want to get a dance number down perfect and Akito starts goofing off. Sometimes I get snappy about it, but you know, it's his way of getting rid of stress.”
“And sometimes there's parts of the choreography that I just can't get,” Takaki admitted, blushing. “So sometimes I mess up, even when we're in concerts and stuff, and it's suuuper embarrassing and sometimes they tease me for it... but you know, they always can tell when I'm upset over a mistake or not.”
Kiriyama and Nakama both nodded. “Yeah, yeah, because you know, it is kinda funny, not gonna lie,” Akito laughed. “He's such a dork sometimes but you know, we all try hard and stuff, so it's better to just keep on going strong instead of getting tripped up on something like that. As long as we try our best, right?”
“Amaaaaazing,” Nakamaru followed up, turning to smile at the camera, letting Koyama go on about how awesome their member-ai is and how that's the most important part of a unit as the three headed to the stage.
Yabu felt like there was a rock sitting in his stomach.
They all sat in shell-shocked silence - contrived or not - staring at Julie. “Y-you're kidding,” Inoo said finally, voice cracking.
She smiled warmly, shaking her head. “This is a big moment. Nine members is a lot of people, but we've also decided to have two sub-groups. The older four and the younger five. Hey!Say!BEST and we're keeping the name Hey!Say!7.”
Nine members, Yabu bit his lip, smoothing his hands over his jeans to keep them from shaking.
It was a lot like how he remembered, except he could vaguely remember one boy - one that wasn't there - asking more questions as he pulled Chinen onto his lap.
Nine members.
After Julie left, they all looked to him. He should have expected that, but he felt his heart flip-flop as he looked into their eyes. He still felt too raw to deal with this, but he could feel the electric currents of elation, surprise, and nervous tension.
Managing a smile, he held out his hand. “Let's go, Hey!Say!JUMP.”
Hikaru and Inoo returned his smile and they all crowded around, some more reluctant than others, but in the end, it was all of them yelling “We are Hey!Say!JUMP!”
Nine members.
Are you Hey!Say!JUMP? he asked himself sourly, but kept the smile plastered on his face as he faced everyone else as the news broke out.
The preparation for JUMP's first concert tour felt something like a disaster. It was more than the fact that they didn't have many songs at all and therefore the Juniors had to perform extensive medleys to make up for it, it was more than the fact that they looked like idiots when compared to Kis-My-Ft2's power performances or ABC's sleek moves.
It was the fact that they didn't feel like a group anyways.
Yabu had always known that even if wasn't official, he was the leader. Being the oldest and one of the most experienced and popular ones guaranteed that everyone ended up going to you about things. This time around wasn't any different in that aspect.
But now it felt like he just couldn't win.
“I hate you!” Chinen screeched at him, bursting into tears. “You always side with Hikaru and that's not fair!”
“Geez,” Hikaru grimaced at their smallest member. “Breathe, it's not like I killed your cat.”
“Guys,” Yabu tried to interject but Chinen stomped his foot.
“You're so stupid,” he shouted at them. “I hate you all!” before barreling out of the dressing room.
There was a pregnant pause and then Yamada and Yuto slowly pulled themselves away from the sidelines, slinking after Chinen, an air of disapproval around them. There was another stretch of silence and Ryutarou and Keito followed after them as well.
Rubbing his eyes, Yabu looked at the door and then at the three remaining members, all of whom avoided his gaze.
The fights he could remember, clearly. Some of them had been nasty; others had even gotten violent.
But Yabu couldn't help but picture a gentle smile and soft fingers as they ran through Chinen's hair, soothing him. He couldn't help but remember strong arms throwing themselves around Keito and telling him he needed to tag along.
He couldn't remember such a big gap existing between BEST and 7.
“This,” their manager pointed to the board, “is what the tour set list is going to look like. We'll pull out with introductions, start off with Ultra Music Power, introduce the major Junior groups, and move on from there. Since this is JUMP's first tour, we have a lot of the major Junior units supporting. We'll have Kis-My-Ft2, ABC, MAD, Sanada, Hashimoto, and so on. We'll also be pulling two groups from Kansai Juniors - BAD and Nakayama Yuma.”
After that, their manager started rattling off other details and most of JUMP tuned him out. Most of what he had left to say didn't involve them and since the announcement of their debut, it had been a constant barrage of new information.
Yabu's thoughts, however, were stuck on the performance list.
BAD was touring with them.
Takaki was touring with them.
JUMP life had settled into a tentative routine. Chinen no longer burst into tears every other day but Yabu still found himself running around, and making sure that people still spoke to Keito when Yuto was busy with Yamada and that Inoo and Ryutarou didn't end up in cat spats, and that Hikaru wasn't completely despairing over the loss of Shoon and Taiyou.
Perhaps the first time around really had been this bad.
Or maybe it's just because he was starting to wake up every day and get reminders of Takaki not being there shoved in his face. It had been easy to push them away before debut, but the differences in vocals, choreography, and photoshoots plagued him.
Shutting himself in his room and sinking down onto his bed, Yabu closed his eyes, thinking about Takaki, drowning himself in memories of starlight eyes, warm caresses, and the sweetest voice whispering that he was loved.
“I love you too,” he told the cold, empty air, and felt foolish for it afterward.
But in his mind, Takaki smiled. It was good enough for Yabu.
“I think Yabu's got a fever,” Inoo whispered loudly to Hikaru. “He keeps on staring off at BAD.”
“I think you're right,” Hikaru replied conspiratorially. “The question is... which one, why, and how bad is the infection?”
“What?” Yabu snapped, flushing as he turned away, ignoring the fact that his eyes had been trained on Takaki's butt for the past fifteen minutes.
“Aw, c'mon, Yabu, you're drooling,” Yabu's best friend jabbed him in the stomach and then glanced over at the line of mirrors where BAD was stretching. “Now the question is... which one? Kiriyama-kun doesn't seem like your type... and neither does Nakama-kun.... Takaki-kun?”
“None of them,” Yabu grumbled, concentrating on his sneakers.
“Duuude, if it's Takaki-kun, you're screwed,” Inoo crowed in amusement.
“What? Why?” Narrowing his eyes, Yabu frowned. “It doesn't even matter!”
“Yabu, Yabu, Yabu~,” Hikaru draped an arm around him, shaking his head. “You seriously have not been paying attention to the rumor mill... Takaki never settles on aaaaanyone. Not even you.”
“It doesn't matter, I wasn't looking...” Yabu groaned inwardly, knowing that once Inoo and Hikaru got the idea in their heads, they wouldn't let go of it and soon the whole group and maybe most of the Jimusho would know.
The sounds of Hikaru's laughter caused Takaki to turn around and Yabu felt his heart do a little back-flip, just because Takaki was smiling.
Yabu's concentration was shot to hell by the time their concert tour started. It was more than just not having Takaki in JUMP, it was not having Takaki at all. It was an ache Yabu couldn't be rid of.
There was alcohol on Takaki's breath, but it couldn't have been any stronger than what was on Yabu's tongue as they tumbled down onto the bed.
They'd barely spoken more than fifty words to each other for the past six months, and yet somehow Yabu had him pinned down beneath him, dark eyes - darker than usual - meeting his own gaze. “Yabu-kun...”
Yabu closed his eyes, teeth grazing over Takaki's throat, feeling his breath hitch. “Call me Kouta.” He wasn't sure how they'd gotten like this, but he remembers beer and maybe a dare or two.
(“Bet you can't get him out of his shirt,” Fujigaya snorts at Yabu in amusement, surrounded by similarly drunken Juniors and miscellaneous JUMP members.
“Bet you I don't need his help,” Takaki shoots back, smirking.)
Takaki's body is familiar to Yabu's touch. He can remember all the sensitive spots, places to lick and nip at to get Takaki shuddering beneath him, mewling. It was hard and fast, but Takaki's soft demands for more are intoxicating and in the end, Yabu doesn't hold himself back.
He held Takaki in his arms hours later, feeling sated and more relaxed than he could recall feeling before. Takaki's even breathing, a sign that he had already fallen asleep, made Yabu smile.
“I... I've missed you,” he breathed, nose buried in Takaki's hair and just wanting to hold him close for forever. The night would end, but he didn't want it to. He wanted to stay in the dark, tangled with Takaki, warm and safe.
His breathing soon matched Takaki's as he fell into a deep slumber, still secretly wishing that he'd wake up and Takaki would still be there.
He supposed he shouldn't have felt so disappointed when he woke up alone in bed, with nothing but a splitting headache.
He and Takaki went on like that night had never happened. The tour finished with all the success that had been hoped for, JUMP was doing fairly well for an infant group, and Yabu still fell like screaming every time he realized that Takaki wasn't going to be there.
It felt kind of like a heart break, but maybe resembled something closer to a train wreck.
Yabu drifted off into his own thoughts, thinking about how he first started feeling something for Takaki. It had been during the filming of Dreams Come True, back when things had still been a little awkward for them, but there had been something about Takaki's smile that had Yabu's heart fluttering.
“I never thought I'd actually be doing this,” Takaki had told him, gesturing to the set around them. “I mean, everyone was betting on you and all, but I never thought...” he trailed off and grinned. “But it's cool like this, ne? I like working with Yabu-kun.”
Yabu had laughed, flushing slightly. “Yeah well, really... I'm just Yabu Kouta. It's nothing spectacular.”
Takaki's smile grew brighter and Yabu felt his concentration wane. “Doesn't matter. I still like working with you.”
It was another dream, the mirror stretched out on the wall in front of him. He started at it, stepping forward and his reflection gazed back in apathy.
“I can't do this,” he said finally.
“It's your fault,” his reflection points out anyways. “Deal with it.”
“No,” Yabu shook his head. “I never meant for it to be like this. I can't do this. I can't deal with him being around and not... being with him.”
There was a long pause as his reflection regarded him. “You really want to go back to how things were?”
Yabu nodded. “I never wanted...it to change before.” Things shouted in the heat of anger should have never been taken seriously and Yabu had regretted what he'd said for months now, letting it eat away at the back of his mind, slowly, parasitically.
His reflection's eyes narrowed, before slowly nodding as well. “I see... But. I'm not really the one who can change things... If you want to go back to how things were, you're going to have to ask him.”
“Who?”
“Him.” His reflection indicated something over Yabu's shoulder and he turned to see, feeling his breath catch in his throat as he realized who was standing on the other side of the room.
“Yuya...”
It was Takaki, looking just as Yabu envisioned him. Not the one he'd seen for the past months but his Takaki, looking wonderfully real.
Takaki was silent, head tilted slightly, and Yabu knew from experience that he'd stay that way until Yabu said what he was supposed to say.
“I'm sorry,” he finally said and once that was out of the way, it was like a dam had broken and he found himself blurting out everything else. “I was stupid, Yuya and just... I've missed you so much and it hurts, seeing you and not being able to hug you like I used to and I just...I just need you, Yuya. I know I screwed up, but I never meant it like that, I swear. I just... please, I want... I want to go back to how we were.”
He wasn't sure if he said more or if his thoughts just went on when his mouth stopped, but eventually he realized that he'd gone silent and Takaki was still just looking at him.
“Was it so bad?” he felt compelled to ask. “Were we so bad?”
Finally, Takaki looked away and Yabu felt his insides clench.
“It was different,” Takaki finally said. “You know... being in BAD instead of JUMP. I always wanted to debut, but you know... Akito and Junta mean a lot to me. We're really close and... I don't know, it's easier to just be myself around them.”
Wordlessly, Yabu nodded. What was he supposed to say to something like that?
Maybe they really had been doomed from the start.
“And yeah,” and Takaki brought his gaze back up to meet Yabu's, “we fight and yeah... you do say a lot of dumb things.” Yabu swallowed at that, wincing, but Takaki suddenly grinned. “But you know... Akito and Junta will always be there for me, no matter what. And I kinda said I loved you once. I still mean it.”
Finally Yabu couldn't control himself, reaching out to yank Takaki into his arms, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.
“Is that a yes?” he murmured, feeling Takaki lean into his embrace.
For a moment, Takaki said nothing, just nuzzling into his neck, but then the small whisper came.
“Yes.”
Yabu woke with a start, shooting up in bed, the blankets all a tangled mess around his legs.
It was dark, and for a moment he couldn't figure out where he was until his eyes adjusted. He was in his hotel room, just as if nothing happened.
Almost.
Curled up against him, fast asleep and looking just as perfect as ever, was Takaki Yuya. Yabu stared down at him, reaching out to gently trace a finger on his cheek, blinking away vivid images of a nine member JUMP and a gap in his life, feeling the muddled daze of his mind slowly clear as he realized that Takaki was wonderfully solid and he wasn't going anywhere.
Smiling, Yabu settled back down under the covers, slipping his arms around the other and smiling. Maybe he'd just had an rather unusual dream. Or maybe he was just crazy.
It didn't seem to matter much, he decided, nuzzling into Takaki's hair and falling back to sleep.
Upon waking up, Takaki claimed that he still hadn't forgiven Yabu and he'd merely migrated because his bed had been an ice box.
It didn't stop him from claiming the spot next to Yabu when they loaded up on the bus, in the name of needing a nap as he rested his head on Yabu's shoulder.
“You know,” Takaki whispered, just loud enough for Yabu to hear. “It wasn't the same without you either.”
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A/N: Classic example of a good idea gone incoherent. Messier than I had intended, but the words basically typed themselves out and while they could do with a clean-up, I overall really like the idea.