I reek of cigarettes and vodka and this still won't go away. They barely take the edge off of this huge mass of sadness and pain anymore. I don't even try to hide it because this is their picture of me anyways; this is their opinion, their misunderstanding, their shame. This is for all the wrong reason that all seem so right or maybe its all the ( Read more... )

these last couple days i can't seem to get warm even under layer upon layer. i'm watching myself from aside and i'm falling and even though i see it and hear it and feel it, i can't stop it. she held me as i cried and cried last night and the night before and the night before. she made me tea and ran the tub when i couldn't stop shaking. she ( Read more... )

Today I layed in the warm sun and watched the blue skies as the white clouds floated and I saw dinosaurs and sandcastles and alligators and oceans and I closed my eyes and I smiled and wished that every day was this beautiful because maybe, just maybe it would make everything a little bit easier.

And good lord, I feel so warm and loved.

Life is a huge fucking waterfall crashing down over the cliff and then sucking you back up again just to be smashed to the ground once more. And the cycle continues. And maybe the fall is exhilerating but when you hit bottom, that hard lake of biting reality, it stings deep into your veins, into your heart, into your mind. You begin to live with ( Read more... )

Passion is the strongest emotion that we, as humans, feel. It is the fervor and enthusiasm that we feel for an activity, a cause, another person, or an object. Whether positive or negative, passion is our heart taking control of our mind and body-leading us to places above reason and logic. Our passions define us as unique individuals; as Helen ( Read more... )

What do you say when you've fucked up your one last chance and you know its all your fault? Where are the words that will make him hate me so that maybe it won't hurt him so badly? How do I explain the multiple and overlapping layers of my heart, and my mind, and my soul?

How do I force myself to face this and not turn my back and run like habit

One thing I've learned in the last year is that just as you reach top, you crash and burn. These days I have a wonderful, amazing boyfriend who gives me the world and even more. I have support from my family, my friends, from strangers that just listen to my voice yet never see my face. My pockets are full of love, laughter, and life. My smiles are ( Read more... )

I've started counting down the days, living for the weekend again. Every day seems the same until Friday nights when everything becomes a much brighter shade ( Read more... )

My dad is so awesome that he decided to delete everything off the computer. Everything included my 6000+ songs. Now, if you try to turn on the computer, it looks like one of those really old nintendo games. Sooo, I'll probably be mooching off everyone's computers and music for a bit ( Read more... )

School is just five hours of going through the motions ( Read more... )