The world is falling apart, television is loaded with bro-friendly programing, and I am leaving las vegas.

I spent my night in a gorgeous hotel room with a beautiful boy I've harbored illusions about for a long, long time. Which is ok and they're not totally smashed, but mostly because I did what I could to resist it. I tried to close my ears when ( Read more... )

You just made me decide that this is not home anymore.

Congratulations. I'm sure this is everything you've ever wanted.

To come here, to Las Vegas, my hometown, it makes me feel empty ( Read more... )

My mother and father are remaining steadfast republicans. Quintessential rich white over fifty racists*. It is absolutely breaking my heart. My mother is defensive about it - seems to be seeing that the world is turning against her "views" and that she must defend them with ridiculous statements like "He hangs around with some questionable people ( Read more... )

I feel like crap.

I can't get anything done.

My life is a mish-mash of 912 half started projects.

I tend not to make my way out of bed until five p.m.

Someone come instill some structure in my life.

I have a really hard time letting go of people - even if they hurt me, even if the do dispicable things to me, even if they are terribly destructive, even if they have made it very clear that they do not want me in their lives. For whatever reason, when I cling to someone (which isn't often) I cling very hard ( Read more... )

Its the oldest story I know.

...The ones you want to stay, they never stay. The ones you ask to go, never know when to go. And so you squirm until they go. That's always how we remember it.

I only have two levels of intimacy - non-existant and sopping cling fest.

All the people I love ignore me.
or leave me.
or push me away.or scare me away ( Read more... )

The world falls apart and it falls back together and we hate each other and we spite each other and we love, make love to each other and it's all cyclical. Here we are.

Sigh.

I don't really know what to say anymore. I want to be back in new york.

Dear friends ( Read more... )

I dont think impulse and emotional honesty was the way to go this time.