jim struggled with the mattress. as he rounded the hallway corner he glanced towards the front door and realized how much work lay ahead of him. considering the payoff he wondered if the payoff was worth the hassle. the morning light was turning to harsh noon, and soon the sun would start its retreat. here he was, attempting to find respite from ( Read more... )

i have failed.
i have broken the code.
i have handed the codex to the enemy.
my thoughts run rampant.
i am a savage.
i am ruled by emotion.
i am alone in the wilderness.
i am a sighting.
i am a rarity.
i am without a master.

i wish i could walk with you. maybe i can be strong enough.

with my confidence shaken, i look endlessly through my identifiers. i suppose that looking for my reflection in past persons will get me nowhere fast, but looking forward never got me anywhere. this de-valuation of self comes from some obvious and not so obvious sources, but it comes on strong and fast. I struggle to believe that I can, that I will ( Read more... )

there are some men who lie at the crossroads of good and evil. not just the normal human intersection, but a deeper, spiritual criss-cross. they walk through the world with devils and angels at their sides. not just the on-the-shoulder varieties but the larger and louder kinds of beings. as fellow humans we simply see downtrodden vessels of despair ( Read more... )

life is good in a different feeling way ( Read more... )

when there is unbearable weight we search for a crutch ( Read more... )

imagine if everything fake just melted the fuck away. every fake piece of shit leather jacket, every fake piece of shit bootlegged dvd, every fake fucking friendship, every fake worthless marriage. imagine our world where there was only what was real. knockoff and imitations and outright lies went away forever. half truths and cheats vanished. ( Read more... )

keep me close. hold me inside. do not reach out. you do not want me. you do not want this. it makes me sad to think this is not enough for you. it leads to the wringing out of bed sheets soaked in night-sweats from fever-dreams. indian summers never felt so wrong. i am a blur. or i want to be. i want to put my head down and look up to a new place. ( Read more... )

familiar sounds. sights smells and colors. the streets look like they once did. i have seen the parts of the city i left behind. i have started to see the kid i left behind. shut out for fear of repeat living. conscious breathing. forced eating. coming to grips with the whole me and the whole city is a slow process. an ongoing process. the ( Read more... )